Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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REVIEWS AS THEY COME
Quote:
1. Hugamari - Bastard Child
Wow, I don't think I ever expected to read a song like this from you but you pulled it off fantastically. This flows very well and it definitely fits within the folk style of writing. The first verse rolled off the tongue so well and although brother/mother/father are easy rhymes, it connects the subject very well without being forceful in my opinion. Again "why even try," may seem like an easy rhyme and safe line but it comes across as powerful in its simplicity. The bridge could have been better (it was far too cliche for my taste) but it did a good job at presenting the (fantastic) plot twist at the end. After last week's tumble in quality, I'm glad you came back with something as strong as this. This is exactly what I was looking for.
2. Nait Phoenix - Cinders
I can see how this would fit into 8ths label, good job. Although it's far too vague to comprehend at first, it's well written and the flow is incredible. There weren't too many cliches even with all the fire imagery, surprisingly; that's always a plus. The only parts I have complaints about are the bridge and the pre chorus. More specifically the "travel through these lands," part. It didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the song very well and it appeared to be an easy way out for your rhyme scheme. Also the "I'd rather choose to die or live again," line makes little sense. Otherwise, great entry!
3. Vision - Chasing Alice
This was very well written. "She dances just like a dream / In rivers that flow through me / Now my world is full of colour / Each moment with her sets me free," this is quite possibly my favorite thing you've written in this competition. I will say, the opening verse was kind of a rocky beginning, and the "take her all night," was either confusing or vulgar, I don't know. The stressing in the chorus made it awkward to read and "one more drink we'll paint the town red," was an awkward phrase to begin with. Actually, the whole chorus was pretty weak but the spoken word lines really lifted the entry. They lifted any emotional dullness this song had.
I'm still judging but why wait. Sorry Temporal if you don't like this method. Who cares.
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