Wait. What's wrong?

Thank you!!!

You can wall me and I'll try my best to help, or if you need to just vent

Satan and Sabbath are really nice members too, they give great advice too

so uh i don't even know if anyone's capable of helping me in this situation but i've been holding things in for so long and i think i'm just gonna kinda explode here? yeah.

this semester, i took 5 courses instead of 4. i didn't think it'd be that bad, and a lot of other people i knew did it, so i thought i could do it. but i didn't realize that i had given myself 5 hard classes with big workloads at the same time. and i really tried to keep up with it even though it was weighing me down the entire semester, but something really terrible happened about 3 weeks ago.

a chronic illness i have causes me to have really erratic sleep patterns, and so i sometimes sleep through classes no matter what time i go to sleep or how much sleep i've gotten, to the point that i'll sometimes sleep for 15 hours straight for no reason at all. this was making things worse and i'd already missed a couple important days because of it, but the real problem came that day. i had spent the entire semester working hardest at my quantitative methods class, which was more work than i was used to, and that day i slept through class one too many times, and my professor said i would fail for the semester. so basically, the whole thing was a waste of time.

about a year ago, i broke up with my first long-term boyfriend. we were together for about a year and a half. honestly, losing him was terrible. but the reason i didn't get over it faster, besides just me being pretty oversensitive, was that he kept coming back to me and making me feel bad. he would give me these signals that we were still good friends and that he was interested in being around me still, but then when i would respond, he would just completely ignore me. and sometimes when he would talk to me, he would end up saying something really mean. i'm really trying to forgive him and not hate him, because he really did a lot of good things for me, but for basically an entire year this just kept happening. it was a cycle i couldn't get out of because i was too weak to tell him to stop talking to me. i couldn't talk to most of my friends about this because i felt like i had already done it enough already, and they were his friends too, so it became pretty common for them to tell him what i said. i tried to move on with my life and be independent, and over time it got easier, but all that time every once in a while he would do something again and it would kick me down, and then i'd just have to pretend it didn't happen afterwards.

then, i missed a test that same day in my history class. when i explained my condition to my professor, she was pretty unsympathetic, and she said i would lose 10% of my course grade. and then the next day, my environmental science professor told me that i forgot to go to lab (which i did), which would remove 1% of my grade, which really isn't a big deal at all, but that little thing just broke me.

i had pretty much a complete mental breakdown. and since then, i've tried to go on, and i can even feel ok sometimes. i've made some necessary changes in my life, like not making an effort to talk to my ex anymore and registering with the disability office for future absences. but even with that, ever since then i've just had these constant self loathing thoughts at the back of my mind. i know i'm a failure. i know i'm a disappointment. i'm going to fail at least one of my classes. and i just can't deal with it. i can't do anything other than try to escape these feelings and pretend my problems don't exist. that definitely isn't helping me do any better in school.

i feel like such a loser. when i first went to college a lot of people doubted me because of issues with mental disorders in the past, and i wanted to prove them wrong, and my parents had full faith in me. but they were right. and i completely let my parents down.

so yeah, there's my rant i guess

Thank you. Let's see if I feel better once I wake up.

This thread is such an amazing idea and I'm so happy about it. Are the guests turned off in this thread or anything because I would share stuff if I knew it was safe for me to do it

Maybe you can ask mods?

Isn't there a councilor or a senior you could report to (coz ur condition is serious), in some schools they take that into account and become more lenient she being inconsiderate

aw accelgors you're one of the sweetest, kindest person and have the most likeable personalities. not many people are able to do the classes you do and get into college. you're obviously really smart, Articulate and not a failure at all many students do face struggles with their classes it's ok and considering your illness too (i have you're able to solve that) & just by making it into the classes you are in proved so many people wrong.

i'm not really good at this but you can do it acce you will. ... i really hope you manage to catch up with your work
You wouldn't be with anyone if you were hard to like. you're really just doubting yourself ur really funny and have an amazing humour, it's cliche but everyone goes through this rough patch you will find someone even if it takes a while. srsly