Let's think about this:

Everywhere I look - songs, videos, articles, etc. - there seems to be a growing self-empowerment trend regarding the notion that one needs to love themselves first, in order to be in more successful relationships with others. I hear constant talk of the best way to get a boyfriend/girlfriend being to learn to love yourself first and foremost. But, how can you truly learn to love who you are if you haven't put yourself through a sort of trial run, a.k.a. a serious relationship with someone? Obviously we shouldn't constantly look to others for self-validation, but isn't all of the confidence and self-assurance you conjure up in your head a facade if it's not based on hard evidence from your past consisting of relationships with others in which you learned your value and maybe even a bit more about who you are?

To me, the whole "love yourself first" thing is only partially true. It's not the job of others to build you up, and they're most likely never going to be able to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself first. But, the mantra is also kind of selfish. It stems from our innate desire for confident, secure partners. Isn't telling people that they need to learn to love themselves first selfish and self-righteous, in a way, because you're basically implying that their current, half-baked human state of being is just not that attractive to both you and the majority of the population? I think we need to come to a point of genuinely and unwaveringly liking who we are before we seek fulfillment in relationships. But actually loving yourself without that love of who you are being reflected back to you by a solid support system of people, beyond just your family, is incredibly challenging and not that attainable of an ideal.

Thoughts?

Yes. Gaga lied to us.

You make great points. I agree with the concept of self-love not being able to be formulated organically through unprovoked self-introspection, and rather confidence and security in one's identity stemming from shaping experiences that inspire self-introspection.

I don't think it's as selfish a concept as much as it is just common sense, IMO. In any sort of relationship you have, whether it be intimate or just friendly, it will always help if your baggage is sorted out beforehand and you understand who you are and what's good for you.

I don't think love yourself first is meant to be taken as a chronological tense of the word as much as it is the prominence of it in relation to other loves. In spite of what you may feel yourself inclined to doing based on others, it's what is best for you that counts above all else.

The whole 'loving yourself' concept just means that you need to be emotionally stable enough to enter a rship. If you go into a rship needing dependancy, you become clingy, needy, always needing validation; and this affects the other person. Thus the relationship will be doomed and unhealthy. One of the hardest lessons I've learnt in my life, tbh.

Yes and no. I wouldn't say the campaign is a lie, but it's smart marketing. It has a good universal message that people want to hear so it sells. There's more to it than just "loving yourself" like you said, but at its core it is important to be content with who you are irregardless of whether other people accept you or not.

No. You're looking at the whole thing so wrong .

You really can't be happy if you don't love yourself. That is the most important. If you love someone else but don't love yourself, then when they break up with you, you won't know what to do with yourself and you'll immediately jump into another relationship. I've known plenty of people like this, who hop from relationship to relationship and don't know how to be happy single. it's no way to live.

In short, you really do have to love yourself to be happy, and it's not as complicated as you make it out to be.

I mean, who actually waited until they felt in love with themselves before they embarked on romantic relationships with others?

One of the main reasons for being in a relationship is to receive love and support from someone else, but if you're already absolutely enamored with who you are and secure in your solitary, doesn't that greatly limit the benefits of having a partner? Seems like they won't give you much more than a fun time and someone to share a little love with. But is that all some people want? I don't know...

You don't have to think you're completely perfect and have no weaknesses to love yourself... Just because I love myself doesn't mean I don't think I have flaws and don't want live from another person. It's not some magical, hard to obtain status. It's a fundamental necessity for true happiness/fulfillment.

I don't think you HAVE to fully love yourself before you have your first relationship. Especially as a teenager, that's hard. But you should always try to love yourself, and hopefully develop self acceptance at some point in your life.

Loving yourself does not mean idolizing yourself, just like loving someone else does not mean idolizing them.

Thanks. Make no mistake - I'm not saying that the primary trait behind the campaign, if you will, is selfishness. I just think that selfishness plays a role.

Bolded part one: True, but often times the questions of your identity and needs are the "baggage". It's just not that realistic to wait until you feel you have yourself all sorted out before you look for a partner. On the contrary, many of us look for a partner to help get ourselves sorted out.

Bolded part two: Right. We need to make a distinction between the "first"s. I'm concerned with the definition of "love yourself first" pertaining to the notion that we should love who we are before engaging in relationship. The other definition, which seems to be more about putting yourself first, doesn't concern me.

Not to discredit Ru, but that isn't really true. You can definitely love someone else yet be rather insecure and doubtful of yourself. They may leave you for not changing this mentality you have towards yourself, but it's possible to sustain at least for a little while.

I don't agree that it's all about emotional stability. I can be an emotionally stable person who still doesn't really like himself much. I do agree that part of the message is to not be dependent, though.

Agreed. But still, I don't know what kind of steel person you would be to not let yourself get down about people not accepting you. I feel like you'd be blind to not at least reevaluate yourself if lack of acceptance over who you are becomes a recurrent theme in your life.

M'kay, girl. I get what you're saying, but the thing is you kind of sidestepped the questions I posed. Where does this love of the self come from, though? We all need a certain degree of self-validation, and we get that from relationships with others, unless of course you're just a naturally secure and self-loving person. But again, if your feelings towards yourself do not correspond to reality, that is where we cross the line into delusion and narcissism.

I'm probably overthinking this. This kind of stuff has always fascinated me, so I can't help it.

AMEN

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