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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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I just threw up. I'm going to cry myself asleep. I would rather die, I would rather have an ant on me or find a snake biting my toe. Throwing up is one of my biggest fears and it happened. I am so sad and irrational.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by swiftie13
I just threw up. I'm going to cry myself asleep. I would rather die, I would rather have an ant on me or find a snake biting my toe. Throwing up is one of my biggest fears and it happened. I am so sad and irrational.
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Was that your first time vomiting or?  But I low-key fear it too. So awful.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by swiftie13
I just threw up. I'm going to cry myself asleep. I would rather die, I would rather have an ant on me or find a snake biting my toe. Throwing up is one of my biggest fears and it happened. I am so sad and irrational.
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are you drunk
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Tbh vomiting is a fear of mine as well. Out of what Hor put as hypothetical situations: Ant > throwing up > snake most to least desirable. I wouldn't want any, though!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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GotSkill's Comments
Quote:
01. swiftie13 – Consuelo
You’ve been silently growing stronger this entire competition, and this song shows it. It doesn’t feel at all rushed. This song feels really conversational, and as such lines like “my silence does not…” feel awkward and should be abbreviated or changed to show the more conversational tone. This felt really honest, and I appreciate your ability to transform personal experiences into art.
02. ughgabriel – ram
This felt a little too try-hard for me. It tried too hard to be gory, to be morose, and to be verbose. Certain lines (“preys don’t want to be broken”) made little sense while others just didn’t work in the context they were in. The rhyme scheme of the first verse threw me off as well. The shorter lines in the bridge were my favorite part.
03. MattyTacos – Father
This felt like a typical pop girl ballad, which to me isn’t a good thing. You conveyed your feelings well, but they came across as cheesy and generic. There were a lot of clichés (“you can’t use a bandage”/all the walls I’ve built”). You’ve been pretty creative this season, but you’ve also had a lot of bad weeks and this could be one of them.
04. ClarksonSlays – Siren Song
Not as good as mine. I was a bit disappointed you failed to explicitly mention Ocean Lips, but that can be forgiven. The chorus was a highlight, but “dissonant” didn’t fit and made the song clunkier. The bridge was wonferful and tied the song together well.
05. UFO – Bloody Hands (Nightmare)
How did you submit your best song of the season with the 24 hour challenge? This was chilling and hauntingly beautiful. The emotions were strong. I felt a sense of fear and urgency I haven’t felt in anything this season yet. Might I add, this seems to be exactly what Gabe failed to pull off this week. Also I misread one of your lines and it was one of my favorite things this season, so it’s too bad my mind wrote it and not you  .
06. Moonchild – Sorcery
I understand you didn’t have long to write this song, but it felt more forced than most of your entries. In addition, it felt like a tired attempt at writing the same song you’ve already written 10 times this season. Other than that, the song wasn’t bad but it felt generic and like a caricature of your style as opposed to a classic Moonchild song. The second half of the second verse was the best part of the song.
07. TheCheetahwings – Baby Blue
I don’t know if the rhyming in the chorus is awkward or clever, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. I feel like your mind wandered a bit too much, only focusing at certain times and revealing bits of brilliance such as the end of the chorus. The twist in the second half of the song didn’t feel developed enough.
08. Achilles. – Roots Grow Deeper
I feel deep Kacey influences with the married/buried rhyme and the entire theme of the song, but that’s a compliment if anything. The meter in the verses felt a little elementary, but the meaning of the song ran deep. I like the subtle chorus changes as well. I felt a little disappointed by your past few entries, so this was a fantastic change of pace and proof that you deserve to still be here and have a shot at winning.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Meowster's Comments
Quote:
01. swiftie13 – Consuelo
There is a natural motherly element to most of the songs you've given throughout this challenge. There's a lot of maternity in the deeper layers of your writing but also something more transcendental to your word usage and overall tone. I just wrote that before reading your personal message included - I think your relationship and love for your mother really comes out in your flow and words. It's a very sweet read that could have easily become melodramatic or too saccharine but I think you set a good balance. A lot of this comes from your heart. The idea of moving on from your own immaturity and embracing growth as well as using the past to fuel the future as a person was greatly told.
02. ughgabriel – ram
I would like to start off by saying that I really enjoyed the evolution of your writing throughout our challenges so far. You've come a long way and I liked what you did with this particular song. It was structured without too much exposition and the word choices you chose felt specifically very poetic. The gruesome idea that you chose to run with for this contest had great layers to it thematically, appropriately building up the theme and the narrative you are running with with this protagonist. The shortened structure really built the song well to me and gave it elements of intrigue and wonder.
03. MattyTacos – Father
The prechorus to this track was my favorite part to read. I can hear it in my head, the deconstruction of the pain, the past, the events. Your prechorus was stronger than your chorus, I feel - I felt like it was more direct, more open, fitting with the message of the song just a bit more. There were some cliches in there but I didn't mind that much, you managed to be creative with it. Vying for paternal affection is probably one of the greatest recurring themes in mythological lore as well as ourselves as humans - rejection or oppression hurts and I think you brought that with your choice of personal language and the build up you use throughout your pre-chorus and chorus, parts of the bridge too. I liked getting to read something so personal to you, you felt very in command of the text.
04. ClarksonSlays – Siren Song
You have a knack for finding the right structure for your songs from the get go. The way that you formatted this song was a good fit for this track. The prechorus is interesting but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. It's jarring and a little weird. This could be either a positive or a negative.. hm. It's an interesting break to the flow of the track, I do like that about it, and I also really do enjoy what you chose to do with the chorus. The outro was a nice way to leave the narrative ending as well. The song has a good topic but I think you could have layered the narrative in the verses a little bit differently to be even more creative with it - perhaps something a little more eerie to match the strange and dark prechorus? Love the bridge. It's still a solid track with good word choices and a steady even flow to it. Good work, as always.
05. UFO – Bloody Hands (Nightmare)
I loved the dark tone you used throughout this song. There were stark contrasts between both your verses and your chorus, the verses being more abstract and telling the story through flashes, while the chorus is more direct and provides us a central direction for the song to go. The bridge is my favorite part of the song - it's shortened and broken around, translucent thoughts that pass to help explain the narrator's thoughts. With this song, I did like that I had to read it a couple of times to really feel like I had a good grasp of the narrative. It's not immediate but could also branch off into different paths. You have a great gift with words and their placement, it drives the song.
06. Moonchild – Sorcery
Our celestial chanteuse returns. As always, I love the brush-painting you do with your words and the settings that you create with them. You're quite an expert with world building. For the next challenge (or any future ones), I'd recommend looking into a narrative seperate from the stars and the moon. I think it is an element that you absolutely own, it really is evident in your lyricism, but I'd like to see you try going out of your box a little in the future. Not a negative, and really not a criticism for your song, just a suggestion for the future.
07. TheCheetahwings – Baby Blue
Ooh, now this was a great start. I absolutely love the first three lines in here. They immediately set the tone for the narrative but the rhyming helps build this and creates an instant greatness to the flow of your track. I loved the back and forth dynamic you chose with this piece, going back and forth between the two lovers, I think this was a strong choice. Vaguely reminiscent to Skater Boy for me (this is a good thing). It's a simple song but I feel like you really did craft it almost perfectly - nothing too ostentatious or over the top, but you use rhyming and repetition as your allies, instead of to fill the void, making for a great track.
08. Achilles. – Roots Grow Deeper
I love the autobiographical image and tone that you convey with your songwriting. It's so distinctly you and I feel like I learn more about you with each track that you give to us. It's genuine, heartfelt, raw. But at the same time, such as this one, you're able to give us overarching themes that aren't the most obvious for some to choose. They're an obvious criticism of modern society and Americana at large, offering an introspective lense to the failures of our culture and the lessons we refuse to learn. The genericness that you mention in your note is not something I would call generic - it's highly appropriate as the personal layers of your own story, as well as the elements of satire within this song.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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You may as well count my "flop" comments as my actual ones because I'm working all day tomorrow now too so I'm not even sure when result are going to be. Sorry. TBA.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
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How did you submit your best song of the season with the 24 hour challenge? This was chilling and hauntingly beautiful. The emotions were strong. I felt a sense of fear and urgency I haven’t felt in anything this season yet. Might I add, this seems to be exactly what Gabe failed to pull off this week. Also I misread one of your lines and it was one of my favorite things this season, so it’s too bad my mind wrote it and not you
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Quote:
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I loved the dark tone you used throughout this song. There were stark contrasts between both your verses and your chorus, the verses being more abstract and telling the story through flashes, while the chorus is more direct and provides us a central direction for the song to go. The bridge is my favorite part of the song - it's shortened and broken around, translucent thoughts that pass to help explain the narrator's thoughts. With this song, I did like that I had to read it a couple of times to really feel like I had a good grasp of the narrative. It's not immediate but could also branch off into different paths. You have a great gift with words and their placement, it drives the song.
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Thanks
afkkfam;;]##v
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Nn, three judges telling me to diversify. Point taken. 
Thank you for your critiques, GS and Meowster!
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Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
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My most acclaimed work yet. 
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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Thanks so much guys! I'm glad all the judges seemed to have liked it without having many negatives to say about it. It's one of my most personal songs ever.
And I wasn't drunk last night, in fact I was the only sober person in this little friend gathering of five. We went to a pizza place and since I've been home I haven't had anything really fattening cause my mom has been cooking and I guess the greasy pizza didn't sit well with me. I'm still sad about it tbh.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Screaming at GS wanting me to mention Ocean Lips when I considered doing that but I thought I would be dragged  And did I label my post-chorus as a pre-chorus? Cause both LS and Meow called it a pre-chorus
Ugh, I really hope I make it to the next round, but my reviews have my worried a biT  They're all good, not great, and I don't know if that will be enough for the next round.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 1,131
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lovesong thought the horror elements were a "brilliant risk" but GotSkill dragged me cause they felt "too try hard" 
This might be my last week here... But let's see what happens!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
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Thanks for the comments Meowster & Gotskill
Pretty scared for results tbh  this may be it for me.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Honestly I have NO idea how things will go this elimination
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lynx
Honestly I have NO idea how things will go this elimination
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****ing same, nOW STOP MAKING US WAIT FATTY
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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