| |
Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
|
lovesong's Comments
Quote:
01. swiftie13 – Clearest Blue
I love the way you played with words here. You managed the perfect balance between using complex and full language without getting too carried away where the meaning is lost. I was concerned about the chorus and the pre-chorus in terms of rhythm/pace. It felt a little unbalanced to me (which may have been an intentional play on structure) but I wasn't entirely convinced about how it read.
02. ughgabriel – Visitor
I like the concept you had. There were some select lines that were cool "heart like a pendulum", but there were a few awkward or cliche lines "we knew it was true, we knew I was blue" and ultimately it leaned a bit more towards the latter. I felt like you might have benefitted from scaling the song back just a bit. I really like your ideas, but there are a lot of them and it might be better to focus on a few really core ideas next time.
03. Dylobs – Tainted Youth
I like the use of first person narrative. The song was very descriptive, and filled with imagery (“washed all of my sprouts” etc.) which was nice. I might have liked to see the narrator go even more in-depth with their emotions, so that we as the reader could really feel what they feel. I also felt the bridge was a little awkward. The rhymes felt kind of forced and unnatural.
04. UFO – Playboy
I really liked the idea of this song; I thought the concept was unique and executed well. I enjoyed the first verse the most, it felt very natural and I thought the way you structured your song was refreshing. I felt a little bit unsure of the chorus – I think it needed a bit more polishing and maybe different word choice to go with the rest of the song.
05. Achilles. – This Place I Call Home
Love the way your song is tightly compressed in structure. Overall there were some really strong sections – namely the second verse. I really felt the emotion behind the narrator as they contemplate this decision. You nailed the skills part of the challenge well in that regard, and I was really picturing the song in my head.
06. Vulnicura – Matutinal
Um… YES. Okay so Björk is kind of one of those artists that can pull off what she does really well where other people who attempt it might not be as convincing. I liked that you were clearly inspired by her yet still maintained yourself in this song. The imagery, whew, it was perfectly done and had me on the edge of my seat. I loved the chorus, it was simple and refined which is a VERY important skill that I’d love to see more of. Good job!
07. Moonchild – Moonstruck
nnn why is it that every time someone does a dance song it has “shooting stars” and similar imagery. Not a drag, but just a curious thing I noticed. I think you did it well here though, and really gave it purpose. It’s a hard thing to tackle a straight pop or dance pop song and still make it feel substantial but I was impressed with yours. The structure was tight and polished as expected from you, and I felt like I could really imagine your song.
08. Buyonce1814 – Out of Reach
I like the idea of writing about writer’s block but I was kind of… anti-hooked (if that makes sense) by the first line. It felt too literal, like you were giving away the entire song in one line. That being said, I loved the pre-chorus a lot, it had great language and was written beautifully. The chorus too, was very nicely done with good use of the repetition of the title.
09. MattyTacos – Feels Like Home
I love your use of storytelling, it really captured my interest and had me hooked to the song. What I think might have been even more effective was if you used first-person – just a personal thing really, but imagine…  . So your language is great, and the songwriting is really beautiful. I don’t know how this would be sung, maybe like a folk song or something, but it’s well done.
10. ClarksonSlays – Butterfly Lies
I like that you took a risk. I think you could have done it better though. Certain lines were brilliant (“who is he, and why did he just…”) and really had that theatrical element you were going for. Others felt kind of cliché or needed a little more work (“heart begin to race”). Nothing about this song was bad, I just didn’t feel anything while reading it. I was hoping for the quintessential ClarksonSlays feel, but I couldn’t quite get that.
11. 8thPrince – Dizzying Heights
Love this #edgy bop. Can I just start by saying that you did something I LOVE and that’s hook the reader from the first line/two lines. The whole way through you carried that momentum which was fantastic. I loved the chorus so much; it was concise but powerful. However, the verses might have been more effective with a bit more to them, just to hammer out the emotions a bit more.
12. TheCheetahwings – Masquerade
Classic you to have the song perfectly structured in terms of rhythm. Love that, but I might suggest trying outside of the box to see what you can do with structure. I liked this song, but I felt like I couldn’t really connect with it. You can really write about emotions well, and I picked that up nicely, but I might have liked to see some more narration or description.
13. Element – Sylvan Voice
I’m glad to see you back because only you could deliver a song like this! It’s beautiful. Very well written, very enchanting. The structure is perfect, and I can’t really say that there is much that needs to be worked on. The final(ish) lines rhyming “betray” was a bit off for me. I can sort of see why you did that, but it kind of made me do a double-take. I think it might have been better without that.
14. HausofNiko – Bet You Wish
adlkjf well I’m glad you took a risk and delivered a rap! There were some lines that just… did not land (“Krampus to your Christmas” dd, or “Jesus can’t take the wheel…”). I like that you went outside of the box, but those just didn’t work for me. Funny songs are totally fine by me, but they have to be genuinely funny and well thought out. I wasn’t sure that this one was. However, I do like that you also experimented a bit with rhyme choices.
|
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
|
The last time I posted my own comments I almost included my scores aldjkf
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
|
Quote:
Originally posted by HausofNiko
Sorry for your loss  no rush |
Quote:
Originally posted by Achilles.
I'm sorry to hear that. |
Quote:
Originally posted by swiftie13
Aw |
Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
I'm sorry for your loss, Sam. |
I just got back, so thank you. It was tough. It was my great aunt but she felt more like an aunt or mother figure to me so it was very hard. The last time I saw her was a few weeks ago at another funeral (her daughter's... very tragic for a mother to lose her child before themselves) and she was still fighting. I wish the circumstances had been better but I'm glad I was able to see her and talk to her one last time before she went, because I hadn't seen her for a while before that.
Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
I got ****ing robbed at gunpoint at work today, and where's my ****ing boyfriend when I get home after calling him and telling him about it because he was "worried"? ****ing buying balls for beer pong. **** him
Also I'm so sorry but I may not get to judge this round. I'm really shook right now but I can't legally talk about it
|
I'm glad you're okay, of course I understand. We'll be fine with four.
I'm going out again with family for a remembrance dinner and I don't know when I'll be back, with work tomorrow I'm not sure if I can get comments done actually. So I'm not sure how comments/results are going to go but it's just been terrible timing for me lately. I'll see what I can do, maybe I'll get comments done tonight before I get some rest and results could be at about 12am EST tomorrow (~23 hours from now), unfortunately that's the earliest I can see them happening.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
|
I included scores for 2 people (Moonchild was one of them because he sniped it and quoted it  ) one time. WHEW that was a traumatic experience.
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
|
Also I was going to post the rest of the comments now but it looks like Huga and lovesong already did that.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Also I was going to post the rest of the comments now but it looks like Huga and lovesong already did that.
|
Yes we got u dw
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Also I was going to post the rest of the comments now but it looks like Huga and lovesong already did that.
|
I was posting them literally right when you came into the thread.  #timing
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
|
vvv at the silence for my comments tho
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
It wasn't the topic I found cliché, it was the way you wrote about it. And I think you know by now my comments should never be an indication of how you're going to do. I always rank you lower than everyone else.
It's not a personal attack or anything, though. (Idk if you saw, but I said you were the nice in a naughty group in Naughty or Nice) That has nothing to do with anything, but I just don't want it to seem like I don't like you.
Sidenote, though - you actually posted on my wall when I was faux stanning for Taylor because of Top Member. I remembered that today. |
I know, but the way I wrote about coming out in this other song would definitely be considered cliché by you as well. I know your style well enough to know that. 
I know it's not a personal attack, Hug. I didn't take it as one. And I saw that you 'niced' me in NON. Thanks, sis. 
And LOL, I remember that. This has been in my notepad for three years now.
Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
Was only a matter of time before you stanned for Taylor: the queen of country, pop, dubstep, music, breathing, water, and most species of land mammals.  |
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
|
I like that you took a risk. I think you could have done it better though. Certain lines were brilliant (“who is he, and why did he just…”) and really had that theatrical element you were going for. Others felt kind of cliché or needed a little more work (“heart begin to race”). Nothing about this song was bad, I just didn’t feel anything while reading it. I was hoping for the quintessential ClarksonSlays feel, but I couldn’t quite get that.
|
I totally get this, these were pretty much exactly my quarrels with the song. I started off going the typical CS route with the imagery Huga mentioned, but I really didn't want to repeat the same imagery that I have all of my PH career, so I totally deviated from that to buy myself some creative time. Hopefully I'll have more to describe next round providing I don't get eliminated! 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
|
Quote:
|
Originally posted by Hugamari
12. TheCheetahwings – Masquerade
I see you played around with song structure a bit. Always nice to see people try new things! Anyway, you didn't have anything particularly wrong with your song from a technical standpoint or as far as the challenge goes, so way to go.
|
I'm glad you liked the structure & the song. Really appreciate it. 
Quote:
|
Originally posted by lovesong
12. TheCheetahwings – Masquerade
Classic you to have the song perfectly structured in terms of rhythm. Love that, but I might suggest trying outside of the box to see what you can do with structure. I liked this song, but I felt like I couldn’t really connect with it. You can really write about emotions well, and I picked that up nicely, but I might have liked to see some more narration or description.
|
I'm glad you liked it even if you couldn't really connect with it well I won't lie though I didn't have as much time to work on the description as I would've liked to tbh. 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
|
The one time I send in on time and one judge despises it and the other...
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 1,131
|
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
|
Quote:
07. Moonchild – Moonstruck
nnn why is it that every time someone does a dance song it has “shooting stars” and similar imagery. Not a drag, but just a curious thing I noticed. I think you did it well here though, and really gave it purpose. It’s a hard thing to tackle a straight pop or dance pop song and still make it feel substantial but I was impressed with yours. The structure was tight and polished as expected from you, and I felt like I could really imagine your song.
|
Thank you, lovesong! Dancepop is probably my favorite genre, so I like writing for it. I agree that it's difficult to convey the same emotion and meaning that comes more naturally in other genres. But if Gaga can do it, so can I. 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
|
I'm really sorry for your loss Sam. I know it's a tough time for you so honestly, just take your time and do you. We're all here if you need someone to turn to.
Thank you for you comments Meowster, Huga and lovesong. I wasnt sure whether my song would be received well but you've instilled hope in me and made me feel more confident in myself.
Lovesong - I was worried about the verses being too literal. That's how I started the song off but then some show the pre-chorus and chorus just came to me out of the literalness of the verses. It was a weird process this week and I truly was frustrated. In so glad you liked it overall though.
Haha Huga! I was struggling up until the final few hours to come up with something so I just wrote whatever came in my head. Last time I did that, I wrote Gay and was eliminated so I've been on edge.
Meowster - you're always so sweet. I truly appreciate everything that you said. Thank you for your kind words.
GotSkill - I was in a similar situation to you when I was 18. I'm not going to harp on about it but I will say that talking to someone about it is helpful. If you feel a type of way about what happened, don't bottle it up. Share it. Even if it's to a piece of paper.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Achilles.
I know, but the way I wrote about coming out in this other song would definitely be considered cliché by you as well. I know your style well enough to know that.
I know it's not a personal attack, Hug. I didn't take it as one. And I saw that you 'niced' me in NON. Thanks, sis.
And LOL, I remember that. This has been in my notepad for three years now. |
vhjfdnc I had a much more distinctive personality back then. Anyway, I'm glad you understand. I know if there was a judge who kept ranking me lower, I'd feel like they had a problem with me. Like I kinda felt personally attacked by Fefe last season, although he's said I was his 2nd favorite member on this site. 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
|
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Broke all three of my 10ft iPhone chargers in three weeks ʘ‿ʘ
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
|
Oh just saw lovesongs comments. Thanks for the feedback.I did try experimenting with structure and in my opinion the chorus has one of the catchiest melodies I've written. If only I could sing in tune I'd show y'all
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
|
Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
Broke all three of my 10ft iPhone chargers in three weeks ʘ‿ʘ
|
Cute. I can't use my galaxy s5 one cause every time I connect it, it says the charger is not compatible so it doesn't charge to prevent damage. It tells me to connect the original although it's the original one. Like whet? I have a feeling this is some Apple like move they are doing to make people buy Samsung products for their phones. Ugh. It only charges once ever three days when it decides to be nice so I'm using an old windows phone right now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
