Wow, that's an ATRL post. If your teacher is lax, you'll probably do well. But damn.

It says "at the time" though..

And thanks!

The grammar and structure needs hefty improvement. Also delete this; not a good idea to put your essays for uni or whatever online.

I'm not worried about the language for the 8th time, i obviously wouldn't go to ATRL for academic help

It's more about the content

Like I died at the first sentence alone. You need to introduce the idea of music streaming and sales and its relevance throughout history. Instead of cutting right to the chase.

What class is this for?

English 101.

Also I realize the language is weird at times but it's partly bc of the assignment. You'll notice some of the sentences have numbers after them. She gave us a list of like 25 different writing techniques, sentence structures etc and we had to include 8 of them in our paper, and number them where that technique appears. It sounds complicated and it is but I tried my best

You don't mention streaming at all until six paragraphs in which is odd for such a short essay. You spend five paragraphs setting the scene and and offer very little information about the impact of streaming it seems like

Not to be harsh though I mean if your teacher liked it I guess it's fine?

Oh yuck that sounds so cumbersome