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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Oh so there's still eliminations? Well then bye bye. 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
Oh so there's still eliminations? Well then bye bye. |
lol we're in this together....AGAIN
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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I'm going to be the last one as per usual  But they will definitely come tonight.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by lovesong
I'm going to be the last one as per usual But they will definitely come tonight. |
n I wouldn't be so sure about that.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Are GS's comments ready?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
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Quote:
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Securiform is defined as having the appearance of an axe. The storyline you have given us to this song was really well made. I appreciated the more biographical take to this song. The second stanza of your chorus is quite great. There is a lot of promise here. Sometimes, your strict rhyming and meter helps you out, such as with the pre-chorus and chorus, and other times, it holds you back from being even more descriptive. This is more evident, to me, in the verses than anywhere else. But the story fit with the theme and your word fit expertly in here.
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Thanks so much Meowster!  I'm glad you liked it.
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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Quote:
08. swiftie13 – Genesis (a premonition, quietism)
Quietism is defined as devotional contemplation and abandonment of the will. Acceptance of things for as they are. Genesis has never been told quite so well as here. Questions are being asked, inquisitive descriptions being made, declarations unfolded as this person begins. Some of my favorite imagery in this game so far has been in here. Such great contrasting elements throughout. I think quietism was used well in this instance, working as a great contrast to activism.
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Thank you 
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
Are GS's comments ready? |
They can be in another 5-10 minutes if you want? 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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I sent both my batch comments + ratings to Sam, and I am prepping hints now.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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More comments? I'm too scared for this
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
They can be in another 5-10 minutes if you want? |
hell yeah 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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GotSkill's Comments
Batch 1
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01. Kunst – Every Whisper (a rainforest, epeolatry)
Your imagery was flawless this week. Your use of metaphors, personification, and description enchanced your song tremendously. I could see this being a beautiful indie song. At the same time, you really didn’t pay much regard at all to flow. Reading through your song felt clunky and clumsy at times, which dulled the brilliance of the language you used. The highlight of your song was by far the second verse. I loved the language of “you were exotic/ your kiss was a tropic” and “when I dove into your waters, nothing else mattered”. You definitely fulfilled the challenge in terms of themes, but your word did feel a bit clumsy in the chorus.
02. jpow – Toxic Shocks (an electric shock, graveolent)
Your language here is stunning  . Your flow was really on point as well. The way you played with the words make them roll off the tongue so easily, especially in the chorus where they really count. There were a few awkward lines (“brought such hope to a stop/such a deathly pity”), but overall this was a solid entry. I didn’t even notice your word at first, which means you used it well. This was a cool twist on your theme as well. The meaning of the song was muddled at times, however, so make sure your imagery and poeticism don’t detract from the meaning of the song.
03. TheCheetahwings – Rose (a graveyard, securiform)
I’ve noticed your songs seem to be a melting pot of brilliant and awkward mistakes. On one hand, your prechorus is one of my favorite things I’ve ever read as a judge. The flow is impeccable, and the internal rhyming is extremely well thought out. The bridge is beautiful as well. Past that, parts of the chorus seem clumsy and the first verse takes a while to gain its footing. The story unfolded rather slowly at first, but then hit a twist too fast when suddenly she was killing her father. I liked how you described her relationship with her mother, but the father bit was too much in my opinion. You fulfilled the challenge adequately, but you could have used your theme and word better.
04. ausdaniel – Were Only Beautiful (a waterfall, vafrous)
Not only did you write to your theme perfectly, your writing style itself perfectly encapsulates the feelings of water and waterfalls. Your writing flowed beautifully and your imagery was fantastic. There were a few awkward lines (“there’s no point in tranquil”, “without you I was golden”, “the beauty of Niagara, isn’t just the river”) but you definitely stepped it up this week. You utilized repetition really well in your chorus, which I think is a rare feat in this competition.
05. Vulnicura – <Untitled> (a volcano, hierodule)
This reminds me a bit of Sam’s song for this challenge in season 6, in that it tries a bit too hard to be indie in my opinion. Your song is basically supported by the theme, which you pulled off just OK. There’s no emotion and little description other than the mythological references you included. Your transitions are extremely clunky as well. The last line of practically every section of the song doesn’t flow as well as the others, and that makes your song feel disjointed. This could have been a great entry if there had been a bit more substance and a little less mythology.
06. Achilles. – Telegony (Forgotten Son) (a nightmare, telegony)
You seem to have the opposite problem as most contestants this week. Your emotions are conveyed beautifully. I feel a strong sense of yearning between this boy and his father. Your flow was exceptional as well. Still, I thought your imagery could have been elevated much more than it was. I didn’t really see much of your nightmare theme in the song. I realize that the bit about killing his father is part of the story of Telegony, but to the average reader it would have come off as odd and disconnected from the rest of your song. The word Telegony, as well, seemed disconnected from your song and didn’t fit the line well.
07. ClarksonSlays – Thunderbolt (a thunderstorm, megascopic)
At points your song felt a bit too try-hard (“try to sit still with your renegade mind”, “microscopic sparks just faintly shining”), but you pulled off the rest well. Up to this point in the competition I’ve thought you have sacrificed emotion for imagery. I think you were scared to let go of your strong sense of imagery to allow emotion to shine through, but I believe you’re just realizing you don’t have to sacrifice one strength to explore another. This song feels urgent and frantic which fits your theme well. I love how you used your word and incorporated some less-known words (verdant, thunderstone) without them coming across as forced.
08. swiftie13 – Genesis (a premonition, quietism)
Just as a small side note, the word decay at the end of a line is almost always a forced rhyme, and this instance holds no exception. Some of the language and storytelling elements in your song were beautiful, and I’d love to see you hold onto those. This song almost felt supernatural and ethereal, as if it was above human comprehension. Unfortunately, us judges are human and I couldn’t always understand the meaning of the song, even after a few reads. It felt like more of a description of a moment in time that never really went anywhere. The length of the song, though admirable, further added to the confusion in the song. I do like that you experimented a lot with themes and storytelling devices, and I hope you continue to experiment in the future with your songs. In this case some things worked (your use of questions, basically the whole second verse) and others didn’t (the length, structure, etc). My favorite part was “you’ll be able to feel it all/the purity of children’s hearts/the solace of a lover’s touch/the fortress of a mother’s love”.
09. 8thPrince – What in the World (a satellite, fylfot)
I admit that you probably had the hardest theme and word this round from what I’ve seen thus far, so while your choice of subject was slightly questionable I can understand it given the constraints you were given. On a more microscopic level, I loved lines like “waltzed through watercolor nebulas” and “is anyone out there/over stellar noise and gamma rays?” Because the subject matter was so abstract to begin with, some of the names and abstract things you described seemed a bit unnecessary. I felt like the chorus ended too abruptly too and that you could have utilized your title a bit better. Still, the imagery you used was beautifully spacey and there were no noticeable technical problems here.
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
I sent both my batch comments + ratings to Sam, and I am prepping hints now.
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can't wait
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
They can be in another 5-10 minutes if you want? |
PerchedT for Batch 2.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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GotSkill's Comments
Batch 2
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10. MattyTacos – Cant Feel Anymore (an oasis, uberty)
This was probably my least favorite entry from you yet. There were a lot of awkward lines (“cause you quite don’t/know how to feel”, “and pain is an ugly form of the truth”). I love the lines “you’re cold like coal/empty and alone”, but they contrast from your oasis theme. Even when alluding to an oasis, it comes off as forced such as in the dune line. Your power is in your wit (Scarlet Bitch) and sarcasm (Cry Wolf). Bring back some of that next week please.
11. ceremonials – Gasoline (a vineyard, kelebe)
I wish you had kept your theme throughout your song, because your song was extremely powerful when you were talking about the vineyard. The first verse sets up a beautiful song that really doesn’t happen much. The line “You’d made it through the winter/and aged into red wine” set me up for so much slayage. The rest of the first verse and entirety of the second didn’t go anywhere. The chorus was good, but felt disjointed from the rest of the song. Finally in the bridge you returned to the brilliance of the beginning. Every line there counted and packed an enormous punch. If you had just followed the challenge a bit better, this could have been enormous.
12. Buyonce1814 – Rebel Kings (a ghost town, boreen)
Why is it that the only lines I don’t like have to be repeated? I’m not really a fan of the word revel in songs, because it’s almost always used as a rhyme for the word rebel. I don’t really like the “big devils” thing either (the word big is unnecessary, doesn’t fit with the word devil, and is fluff to fill the syllable count). I am glad you payed attention to meter this week, because it was a major plus to your song. The crown/town rhyme was forced, and I didn’t really like the crown line. I did like the rest of the chorus and the verses minus the awkward lines/rhymes. Next week I want to see you tackle a very specific concept and don’t allow yourself to roam. With a bit more focus and eliminating awkward lines you could blow me away.
13. Moonchild – Starcrossed (a remote village, zendik)
The chorus is inarguably the most important part of the song. It should be the glue that holds the verses and bridge together, tells your themes, and packs the biggest punch lyrically. Here it was a mere transition between verses. The “otherwise” line halted the flow of the song you had built up to that point and made your chorus much more awkward. The verses were fine, but without a good chorus they had much more weighted placed on them to be extraordinary, and this week they were not. I did enjoy the love story and the emotion you conveyed in your words. You’ve basically had four solid weeks up to this point, so I’m hopeful you can restore your momentum next week. Try focusing on the chorus as both the lyrical and emotional centerpiece of your song next week.
14. UFO – Awakened (an earthquake, alveary)
Usually you’re at the front and center of every season; starting fights, making big claims about your songs, and being at the tip of everyone’s tongue (impact). This season you’ve taken more of a low-key approach, and it’s showing in your songs as well. This is a silently beautiful song. There’s no huge punch or hook, and it still lacks the typical language we associate with you, but it works really well here. There’s absolutely no errors to be found here. There’s a perfect amount of repetition throughout the prechorus and chorus, and the subtle imagery throughout the verses is extremely effective. You used your word so naturally it didn’t even feel like part of the challenge. I’m ready for your next Nighthawks tbh.
15. Dylobs – Im Prepared (a spiritual awakening, isagogic)
Basically my review for you is the same as Euphorian. Your song was beautifully simplistic. It never tried too hard, but it never failed to deliver. I would be more careful with the insecurity/desperately/divinity/epiphany rhymes, but you barely managed to pull them off here. It can often be a risk to include long words that don’t quite rhyme at the ends of lines so just watch for that in the future.
16. Element – Float Away (a balloon, paragoge)
This was by far the most emotionally striking song this round. I’m glad you didn’t choose to quit, because this could definitely be your comeback song. You used beautiful, vivid imagery without confounding the meaning of your song in any way. You never even really plainly stated the themes of time ticking away or growing older, but the message was clear. Your bridge was incredibly simple yet powerful. This was definitely the most efficient song this round. If anything, I would tell you to tighten up the flow in the first verse a bit.
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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04. ausdaniel – Were Only Beautiful (a waterfall, vafrous)
Not only did you write to your theme perfectly, your writing style itself perfectly encapsulates the feelings of water and waterfalls. Your writing flowed beautifully and your imagery was fantastic. There were a few awkward lines (“there’s no point in tranquil”, “without you I was golden”, “the beauty of Niagara, isn’t just the river”) but you definitely stepped it up this week. You utilized repetition really well in your chorus, which I think is a rare feat in this competition.
WOWOWOWOWOW thanks so much Gotskill Really appreciate it! Probably my highest praise yet!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 31,895
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omg GotSkill thank you
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Well two pretty positive reviews. Slay.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
13. Moonchild – Starcrossed (a remote village, zendik)
The chorus is inarguably the most important part of the song. It should be the glue that holds the verses and bridge together, tells your themes, and packs the biggest punch lyrically. Here it was a mere transition between verses. The “otherwise” line halted the flow of the song you had built up to that point and made your chorus much more awkward. The verses were fine, but without a good chorus they had much more weighted placed on them to be extraordinary, and this week they were not. I did enjoy the love story and the emotion you conveyed in your words. You’ve basically had four solid weeks up to this point, so I’m hopeful you can restore your momentum next week. Try focusing on the chorus as both the lyrical and emotional centerpiece of your song next week.
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Death. I wasn't ready for the lashings. Thank you for your feedback; I'll definitely keep that in mind.
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