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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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I've gotta go now. I shall hopefully read any comments later. Good luck everyone x
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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All of my classes were cancelled today because of the weather
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Mess, mixed again. Oh well
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
All of my classes were cancelled today because of the weather
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I'm about to go in and the sky is darker than my future
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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I don't have class on Fridays
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Going to read the entries now so hopefully I'll get comments done soon.  30 should be a lot easier to read than 50. |
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 476
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Quote:
Originally posted by ceremonials
I don't have class on Fridays
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I do, but I skipped it so I can study instead
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Okay, they're coming now.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
All of my classes were cancelled today because of the weather
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I wanted to wear my Halloween costume around campus today, but it's raining.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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506.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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My schedule actually slays
Monday - 1 class in the morning
Tuesday - no class
Wednesday - 1 class in the morning, one at night
Thursday - 1 class at night
Friday - no class
One class is 3 hours long and another is 4 hours, but still.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
506.
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I just spammed like 3 pages of posts last night.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
I wanted to wear my Halloween costume around campus today, but it's raining.
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Nnnn I'm sorry
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
506.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by ceremonials
My schedule actually slays
Monday - 1 class in the morning
Tuesday - no class
Wednesday - 1 class in the morning, one at night
Thursday - 1 class at night
Friday - no class
One class is 3 hours long and another is 4 hours, but still.
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Isn't it hard to keep up with material in classes that only meet weekly?
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Sam's Comments
Batch 2
Quote:
16. 8thPrince – News of the World, Queen
Taking on Queen is a pretty big ask so I applaud you for taking on the challenge. I think picking this theme for an album that boasts “We Are The Champions” and “We Will Rock You” among many others was a good angle. “Not another single word” seems like an awkwardly worded phrase; usually it’s either “not another word” or “not a single word”. I like the way you’ve used the title, it’s purposeful and feels authentic. The idea of living on through memory is a great concept and you’ve used it well here. Your descriptive language is great as always; everything has character, be it a tired back or weary mind. It’s good writing.
Did it fit the challenge?
I can see it working in well. It is a victory song, an unconventional song, but a victory song nevertheless. I think you took a risk with this selection and it paid off.
17. Buyonce1814 – Unorthodox Jukebox, Bruno Mars
I seriously commend you for not giving up on this one because it isn’t an easy title to use. I can tell you really put yourself into Bruno Mars’ shoes and your entry is probably one of the most, if not the most, realistically similar to the artist’s style. It’s so devilishly funky and throwback and Bruno. It’s a very interesting a fully realized entry. From a lyrical standpoint the outro is completely unnecessary but I understand why it’s there. The “hook” you have is pretty weak lyrically too. However, your verses are great. You’ve portrayed Bruno’s inclusive personality really well, as in the way he gets everyone involved, even if they’re “offbeat” as you’ve said. I like the chorus, and the use of jukebox and unorthodox was probably one of the best ways you could use it without it seeming unnatural. The bridge was cute with its shout outs too.
Did it fit the challenge?
It did, really well too. It would have fit right in on the album. It’s not the most amazing piece of work lyrically, but as far as writing for the album goes, you nailed it.
18. BlueM – Loud, Rihanna
I’ll start by saying some of your word choices could be better. At first I didn’t know what the first line meant, because I misinterpreted “turned on” as “went against”, when you actually mean “engaged”. I also didn’t understand the final line of your pre-chorus at first, but I realised it was in conjunction with the previous lyric, “you might be that one game-changer / I’ll compare everyone (other partners) to [for] my whole life”, whereas just reading “I’ll compare everyone to my whole life” doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure if you can enter a secret. The chorus would have been fine without the (loud) parts. I like the chorus for the most part though. “Smash” is a bit of an awkward word to use in the second verse, but the rest is good. That’s pretty much the tone for the whole song, there’s parts that could do with some editing, but overall it’s good and you made a sex song that could fit into Rihanna’s Loud record well.
Did it fit the challenge?
Yes, it fits well, something like S&M or Only Girl. “Just give it to me hard, and I’ll give it to you loud” is something I can hear Rihanna sing-moaning over a dance-pop beat.
19. MattyTacos – Daydream, Mariah Carey
I love how your writing keeps evolving; it’s really great to watch this growth from you. The second verse really is everything; the imagery of the wind carrying your love away, leaving you to fall alone beneath the tree is very powerful. In fact, the whole autumn motif is fantastic. I like the lantern imagery but I think the wording of that particular line could be better. Overall you’ve used good central imagery with the autumn seasonal theme which compliments the idea of drifting into a daydream (the leaves drifting off the trees) which is really clever, your rhyming and flow is strong and your lyrical choices are expanding. This was a strong entry.
Did it fit the challenge?
I can see Mariah singing this. It does remind me of the song Fantasy more than a little bit, but the general concept of a fantasy and a daydream aren’t too dissimilar and I think you’ve taken it in a different enough direction to make it stand out and not be Fantasy 2.0.
20. swiftie13 – Confessions on a Dance Floor, Madonna
This definitely read as a Madonna dance bop, so effortlessly too, I couldn’t not read it in Madonna’s voice, actually. You blended the concepts of religious confession and dancing really well, it didn’t feel forced. Your flow is good and there’s a lot of lyrics to like here, “I’m dancing for a second chance” is so simple but so great, and so Madonna. “As I get rid of all my shame” is probably the most awkward lyric in the song if I had to pick something, an edit like “As I’m relieved of all my shame” would sound better. But overall you produced a quality dance bop with meaning behind the lyrics, something so few can seem to do.
Did it fit the challenge?
Absolutely. Madonna better record this for her next Greatest Hits compilation.
21. Jack! – I Am…, Beyoncé
This would be a great album opener for this record. I like that you included the Sasha Fierce element into the song even though it wasn’t specified, that shows a real commitment to making your song an IASF era Beyoncé song rather than just any song titled “I Am…” The verses show good progression and they have the natural element to them (“wanna” rather than “want to”) and it fits Bey a lot better like that. The changing prechoruses are good too. I can get that sense of a deeper verse and huge soaring chorus which a lot of her songs have too. I think you’ve done a great job with this one.
Did it fit the challenge?
I can definitely see Beyoncé singing this, it’s the perfect way to describe and introduce Sasha Fierce to the world. Missed opportunity tbh!
22. Tymps. – Frank, Amy Winehouse
I like how you incorporated multiple uses of ‘Frank’ in your song, and neither felt forced, which was excellent. The first verse had some good wordplay, which I liked, and the effortless simplicity of the pre-chorus was great too. The chorus is interesting but it works, the “not so fragile” lyric and the one that follows it are both great. This is probably your most “conventional” song you’ve submitted this far and I think it’s really well constructed. It’s still not your typical v/p/c/v/p/c/b/c but it’s familiar enough and it works well.
Did it fit the challenge?
I can see Amy singing this. Granted I’m more familiar with BTB than Frank, but I did listen to some songs and I can imagine her voice on a track like this, so nice job.
23. keshaspearsxo – Plus, Ed Sheeran
This was a great entry. I actually like how you didn’t incorporate the title into the song until the end, that outro just tied it all together, the entire song was about one heart ‘plus’ another, so it the title was used as inspiration more than just slotting it in somewhere, which is fantastic. I definitely was able to read it with Ed Sheeran’s voice and it had a good flow, which I could see Ed following, he does sing about his feelings a lot and does the fast-sing thing too, which I picked up on in places. The single-word repetitions (mind, mind, mind etc.) weren’t too over the top and again it’s something I can see Ed doing. You have no forced rhymes and lots of great lyrical choices, so really great work.
Did it fit the challenge?
For sure, it’d fit right in with ‘Plus’, it could be an album opener, somewhere in the middle or even an outro, it’d a very versatile song in my opinion. Overall, you did a really solid job.
24. Element – Night Visions, Imagine Dragons
Scalp me king.  Not you using the album cover as a source of inspiration and making it seem like the effortless title track masterpiece that never was. Honestly I can’t fault this entry, it’s gotten me really excited.  In a week when so many people have done an amazing job, you’ve managed to stand out somehow. This is really solid. Every word has purpose, rhymes are great and never forced, flow is on point, lyricism is really great and the inspiration is perfect, the use of visions in the night is natural and works so well with the title. It’s even relatable. Wow.
Did it fit the challenge?
Definitely. Night Visions was surprisingly one of my favourite albums of 2013 (when I got into it) actually and I can see this fitting right in. A gem.
25. ClarksonSlays – Brand New Eyes, Paramore
Oh, waves. More water imagery.  This was another really solid entry. I think you knew this anyway so I’m just going to say it, there’s definitely a lot of ClarksonSlays in this song and perhaps not as much Hayley as there could be, but you’ve done a pretty good job regardless. I like the final pre-chorus the best of the three, but the other versions are good too. I really love the imagery in the verse and even though it’s not so much Hayley as it is Hunter, it’s really fantastic. So judging the song itself, it’s amazing. The second verse isn’t as strong as the first in my opinion, but that’s really only because you set yourself such a high standard there. The chorus is very strong. The bridge is fantastic, “The days and nights you fall apart / are times when I will breathe” is so good (and also something I can hear Hayley singing).
Did it fit the challenge?
Parts of it were very Hayley, parts of it were very Hunter. Overall the theme was obviously based on the relationship of the two band members and that cohesively fits in with the album so overall it’s a yes.
26. Urban_Fan – Fortune, Chris Brown
No soundcloud this time?  I really like the direction you took with this challenge, because you could have gone down the “I’m worth a fortune” route or even the chance/luck route… there were many ways you could have taken this. I like the angle of a relationship where your partner just wants to use you for your fame and fortune. The “severely bruised” lyric comes across as a little bit forced for me, I’m just not a big fan of it, but the rest of the song is very solid. It’s simple but simple done right, everything flows well and it feels like an actual song Chris might write or record.
Did it fit the challenge?
I think Chris could do something like this well, I’ve only heard a couple of the singles from the album and they’re more dance-pop, but this could even be a dance ballad type thing.
27. TheCheetahwings – Multiply, Ed Sheeran
This sort of reminds me of a non-hostile answer to “Don’t” in a way. It’s talking about a relationship that ended by being replaced, so it’s similar in that regard. The first verse started out well in the way it was rhyming but then it all of a sudden didn’t… if you’re going to start it out one way, it’d be best to continue that (for example, your verse rhyme structure is AAAABCAD). Multiply seemed to just be used for the sake of being used in that case. In saying that, I like the chorus, and the use of multiply there is quite good. The second verse was a lot better structurally. I like the bridge and the irrational/international rhyme was surprisingly good. I’m not too fussed on the second chorus, but it’s a nice idea.
Did it fit the challenge?
Similar to ausdaniel’s song, I can see comparisons to certain Ed Sheeran songs, but overall stylistically I’m not sure if it screams Ed Sheeran to me 100%. I’d like to see some more fast paced witty language, there’s some there though so it’s not far off.
28. HausofNiko – Pure Heroine, Lorde
Um… I don’t know how to break it to you Niko sis but I think you should have consulted Google before submitting this song. People weren’t correcting your spelling of ‘Heroine’ in the thread before just because you left off the ‘e’, they’re two separate words. The ‘heroine’ in Lorde’s album title is referring to a courageous and admirable woman, basically the feminine version of the word ‘hero’; ‘heroine’.  That aside, judging the song based on the song itself, the premise is actually quite good in that it’s something a lot of people deal with, being pressured into doing drugs to win the affection/satisfaction of the one they like. Your verses are good but your chorus is lacking (doze should be dose, doze is to rest, not an amount of drug, and obviously there’s the issue of heroine/heroin). The use of “pure heroin” itself seems a bit forced just to get the title in there. The bridge is good though. The ideas are good it’s just the execution, which needs some work, some finessing, some more creative language instead of just stating things outright.
Did it fit the challenge?
Unfortunately no, you misinterpreted the title and thus the general concept of Lorde being a good girl gone bad shooting heroin to get some boy doesn’t really fit into the theme of the album at all.
29. Moonchild – Living Proof, Cher
I can hear this being sung by Cher over a thumping dance beat.  I’ll be honest and say I haven’t listened to much Cher at all, but I listened to The Music’s No Good Without You and I can see this song fitting into an album with a similar sound, it’s like an opposition to that in a way because she’s with him now. The lyrics are great which is what people need to keep in mind when writing a dance bop, not to sacrifice the lyrical quality. Finding living proof of love being the truth is perhaps an obvious way to use the title, but it works really well so there’s not much of a complaint there at all.
Did it fit the challenge?
As I said, I haven’t listened to much Cher, but what I have heard I can see this fitting in with those types of dance songs, so I think you’ve done well if you can have that impression on someone who isn’t familiar with the artist.
30. Kworb – Dead Petz, Miley Cyrus
This is such an interesting selection, because the entire ‘Dead Petz’ album is so diverse and quirky you could really go in any direction and it would be near impossible to say, “No, this doesn’t work”. You actually wrote a song about dead pets – no gimmick or trick or hidden meaning – which was interesting because I thought for sure you’d have some kind of weird twist on it. But what you did submit was pretty touching actually, in a “Karen Don’t Be Sad” or “Pablo The Blowfish” kind of way. I SCREAMED (in the best way possible) at “Everything I trust doesn’t make it very far / everyone who loves me ends up buried in my yard”, and I also loved the “I still search for their sweet faces / in their favorite hiding places” lyrics. It reminds me of my dead pets, and how I miss them too.  From a technical standpoint, everything is sound. Your flow/meter/rhyming is all in check.
Did it fit the challenge?
I can definitely see a place for it on Miley’s album. You took a huge risk picking what most people probably considered a troll option and you not only did it justice but you submitted a really great song which might get you in the top end of the round again. Nice job!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Oh, waves. More water imagery. This was another really solid entry. I think you knew this anyway so I’m just going to say it, there’s definitely a lot of ClarksonSlays in this song and perhaps not as much Hayley as there could be, but you’ve done a pretty good job regardless. I like the final pre-chorus the best of the three, but the other versions are good too. I really love the imagery in the verse and even though it’s not so much Hayley as it is Hunter, it’s really fantastic. So judging the song itself, it’s amazing. The second verse isn’t as strong as the first in my opinion, but that’s really only because you set yourself such a high standard there. The chorus is very strong. The bridge is fantastic, “The days and nights you fall apart / are times when I will breathe” is so good (and also something I can hear Hayley singing).
Did it fit the challenge?
Parts of it were very Hayley, parts of it were very Hunter. Overall the theme was obviously based on the relationship of the two band members and that cohesively fits in with the album so overall it’s a yes.
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The accuracy Thank you lord Samantha 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Quote:
Um… I don’t know how to break it to you Niko sis but I think you should have consulted Google before submitting this song. People weren’t correcting your spelling of ‘Heroine’ in the thread before just because you left off the ‘e’, they’re two separate words. The ‘heroine’ in Lorde’s album title is referring to a courageous and admirable woman, basically the feminine version of the word ‘hero’; ‘heroine’. That aside, judging the song based on the song itself, the premise is actually quite good in that it’s something a lot of people deal with, being pressured into doing drugs to win the affection/satisfaction of the one they like. Your verses are good but your chorus is lacking (doze should be dose, doze is to rest, not an amount of drug, and obviously there’s the issue of heroine/heroin). The use of “pure heroin” itself seems a bit forced just to get the title in there. The bridge is good though. The ideas are good it’s just the execution, which needs some work, some finessing, some more creative language instead of just stating things outright.
Did it fit the challenge?
Unfortunately no, you misinterpreted the title and thus the general concept of Lorde being a good girl gone bad shooting heroin to get some boy doesn’t really fit into the theme of the album at all.
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i'm sorry but
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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I haven't listened to much Cher at all.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Element coming to scalp again. bye y'all
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