Fff the standard deviation on Kneel is going to be high. Omg we should have a standard deviation stat in this game
Thanks to all of you for the comments!
Just to clarify, the song was about people who use religion and prayer only for the purpose of asking for money or fame etc. Thus, it was a look into the battle of religion and greed, as well as hypocritical people in religion. So I ask the question, what are you kneeling for?
Woke up in París,
Croissants and coffee,
The man of my dreams,
he’s looking at me,
hearts in my eyes, like a reverie.
No thoughts of the day,
It’s pleasant to me.
Look up at his face,
all I could see…
[CHORUS]
Eyes so bright they blind me,
like the center of the Sun.
Slowly running from Earth,
escaping everyone.
You say I’m your queen,
We’re out to have some fun.
Eyes so bright they blind me,
like the center of the Sun, the center of the Sun.
[VERSE 2]
City lights bright, we come to a stop,
Hills so divine with a breathtaking view.
My baby boy, the cream of the crop,
He knelt to the ground,
Lord if I only knew.
I look up at his face,
all I could do…
[CHORUS]
Eyes so bright they blind me,
like the center of the Sun.
Slowly running from Earth,
escaping everyone.
You tell me I’m all you want,
We’re out to have some fun.
Eyes so bright they blind me,
like the center of the Sun, the center of the Sun.
[BRIDGE]
Is it as good as it seems?
I’d give anything
to live this cherished dream.
[CHORUS]
Eyes so bright they blind me,
like the center of the Sun.
Slowly running from Earth,
escaping everyone.
You tell me I’m all you want,
We’re out to have some fun.
Eyes so bright they blind me,
like the center of the Sun, the center of the Sun.
This song is more than just some guy hoping to somehow reach his long distance lover, it’s about my struggle to understand the two sides of myself and where I truly belong. I’ve always felt like I never belong here where I was born, but at the same time I’m happy about where I reside. These two sides of me have been in a constant battle; the side that wants to travel, see the world, and understand every culture so as to feel like my life has meaning, and the side that sees the practicality and sees that where I am will need to be where I call home, and that my heart will have to continuing longing. This is where those two phrases are key: Japan has been one of my most wanted places to travel, and I even started studying the language just to get a better grasp on their meaning. The first phrase (ここだけの話) is a phrase that roughly translates to “Keep this between us” giving the indication that this song was meant solely for one person, but rather than write as if for someone else, I literally wrote this song solely for one person (ME! ). If you haven’t guessed, I did put the word “Tokyo” mainly for emphasis reasons: Tokyo is one of the most internationally diverse cities in Japan, and just being there could bring my traveling side peace, so I wanted to emphasize a goal in this song as well. And another part that deserves explanation and almost prevented me from submitting this song is the second verse: if you haven’t caught on yet, this is my two sides coming to agreement about how the other's wants can’t overtake the other or they will have to disappear. I wanted to personify what the other side wants, as well as proclaim my love for the other side of the world; that’s why another key phrase (“there are two sides to every story “) was essential for the listeners and the readers. You chose to believe this was another love song, or you chose to believe there was more meaning that felt unexplained; no matter the case, both sides have to show they are in agreement but they are not the same. I apologize for this book, but you can see why I left this essay off as an explanation; I just wanted to show you that the use of my words was with full intention.
Surprising that not many people choose to write about a topic like this, as it's a pretty obvious one I would think. That's a good thing for you, though - I like how you chose something different! What confuses me, though, is the repetition. Not like the chorus or anything, that's in every song; particular lines, such as at the end of the chorus, are what's getting me. You're right on the limit, so I do think a few small edits would've gave you same elbow room. But as I said, love the song topically and the imagery was clear without trying too hard for it.
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
I really, really liked this. The first verse has a clear distinct rhythm and also tackles the idea of youth perfectly. In fact, this goes for the whole song. You’ve picked relatable memories to address from younger times and that’s a great technique. The middle 8 is also strong, particularly the second half of it. It’s easy to read, to understand, to relate to and to pick up a sense of rhythm and melody. For what you’ve gone for, I’d say it’s perfectly executed. I’m impressed. If I didn’t know you had a limit to stay under, I wouldn’t have guessed it either.
Quote:
Originally posted by Meowster
This was really beautifully written and structured. The way you set up your verses, breaking lines apart by small words or phrases, it feels as if time is going by at a fast rate, as if our youth is leaving us like the leaves of a tree in the fall. This was also a different topic than I’m used to reading and it helped this song stick out for me. Youth was at 140 words, so it met our criteria for this specific challenge.
Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
I get what you were trying to do in the verses, but it feels like you cut too many words out of them. I find the “mom’s bed was warm” line a bit creepy too. I did like how the tone of the song changed at the end and I like where you went with this, but it was definitely a downgrade from last week.
Quote:
Originally posted by lovesong
Interesting atmosphere, it’s creepy but nostalgic at the same time. I thought the verses were interesting in how short they were but I felt like they might not have been as impactful as they could have been if fleshed out more. I do think that you managed to get your point across well and the concise nature was interesting, good job overall.
Youth
V1
Nightlights
Shine bright
Fighting
Monsters in the dark
Bike rides
Sunshine
Playtime
Life still had its spark
PRE
When the love was strong
When nothing was wrong
When every day was long
Again
When Mom’s bed was warm
With every thunderstorm
When I was alive, not truly born
CHORUS
Fading away
I’m watching it go out
My getaway
Last candles blow out
I don’t know why
Youth leaves, it leaves us alone (x2)
V2
Now I
Walk these
Lonely
Streets, for something new
Streetlights
Flicker
Sad eyes
Stare at me, subdued
PRE
Now the love is gone
Everything feels wrong
These days, I don’t belong
Now my bed grows cold
Long nights spent alone
Gone is a place I could call home
CHORUS
M8
Memories fading
Dew evaporating
Into the early air
Cold, dark, mornings
Now every day is mourning
Holding onto youth that just isn’t there
Hugamari:
35. Witch Privilege – Platinum Hit
I'm offended that you couldn't even manage to fit the word "Hug" into this diss track.
OMG. I didn't even think of that. You and Meowster's names were the hard ones, so I didn't bother. I was going to do a cat reference for Meowster, but that would have been too much effort, and more forced than this song already was.
Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
Witch Privilege – Platinum Hit
Glad to know you listened to at least 3 of my songs before writing this, city boy. I do have a thing for dissing people in this game though so we should be friends after you’re eliminated.
Thank you for finding this humor in this ridiculous song. I actually do like the songs on your Soundcloud.
Quote:
Sam:
35. Witch Privilege – Platinum Hit
I mean, if you wanted to quit, you could have just asked.
I'm not a spitter, and I'm certainly not a quitter! I wasn't going to bother giving y'all one of my personal songs, since I was going to be eliminated. I decided to go out swinging, instead.
Quote:
Lovesong
35. Witch_Privilege – Platinum Hit
Cute.
Thanks.
Quote:
Meowster:
35. Witch Privilege – Platinum Hit
the song has some good ideas and comparisons but a large amount felt forced and not entirely matching to the theme of the content. There were some weak phrases in here, like using woodchip to describe someone, or the Uncle Sam line which was fine with its idea but the placement was a bit awkward. You fit the criteria of our challenge by keeping the song under 140 words, so thank you for that, and I would recommend to really work on the fluidity of your lyrics (making sure they always match, feel organic, natural).
I guess the best shade is undetectable.
Quote:
Favorite Artist: Lady Gaga
Quote:
Occupation: Receptionist
Platinum Hit
Verse 1:
I'm a city boy and you're a mountain man
You're as outdated as Uncle Sam.
You try hard to show you've got skill
But you always leave me without a thrill.
Pre-Chorus 1:
Thinking you're as bright as a supernova
But you bubble under, then you're over
Chorus:
I'll remain as the number one
My reign has just begun
I'm a platinum hit
And you're certified woodchip.
Verse 2:
You're all the makings of a love song.
But only one that's gone all wrong.
Like a modern day horror story.
Way past the peak of your glory.
Pre-Chorus 2:
You're just the receptionist
I'm the Olympic Gold Medalist
Chorus:
I'll remain as the number one
My reign has just begun
I'm a platinum hit
And you're certified woodchip.
Bridge:
You're down under, with no thunder
You have no intrigue so no wonder.
You're done and through, you're nothing new
That's why I would never dance with you
Chorus:
I'll remain as the number one
My reign has just begun
I'm a platinum hit
And you're certified woodchip.
Jack Lees - I Wish
I like the song too!
