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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 2/7/2014
Posts: 3,371
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
Jaxswim I really liked youth and thought it would do well, glad to see that might happen
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Thanks sis 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
My comments coming in 10 minutes!!!
Hint: batch 3 slayed the hardest but my favorite song was in batch 1
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yas
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Hoping to be delivered some good constructive criticism from got skill
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 12/2/2010
Posts: 17,916
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
Hoping to be delivered some good constructive criticism from got skill
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inb4 "great."
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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GotSkill's Comments Pt. I
We're going to do this in reverse order, starting from batch 3 going to batch 1. I thought I'd use my season's signature font and logo just for fun 
Quote:
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Originally posted by GotSkill
Witch Privilege – Platinum Hit
Glad to know you listened to at least 3 of my songs before writing this, city boy. I do have a thing for dissing people in this game though so we should be friends after you’re eliminated.
Colton Haynes – High
There’s nothing specific to point out that you did wrong other than the fact that the language is fairly familiar. You didn’t really bring anything new to the game. On the other hand, I love how subtle you made the sexuality of the song. In my opinion it drives the meaning of the song much better than if you were to overtly state the sexual acts going on. In all, you did something overdone well.
Wesleywalrus – Center of the Sun
I like the way you set up the setting of the song, even if there were a few hiccups in the poetic execution of the first verse. The chorus is solid but nothing spectacular. If the verses were a bit more solid this could be a great song. Still, it’s a big improvement over last week.
Tymps – The Lottery
The verses are flawless. I love the entire premise of the song, and the verses are perfectly quirky and original yet relatable. The chorus was a bit of a letdown after the solid verses, however. As a verse it would work, but the language is a bit too complex for a chorus and doesn’t relate exceptionally to the verses. I’m not a huge fan of the “arteries” rhyme either.
Blue. – My Head Is An Animal
As complex and poetic as your language was, I understood perfectly what you were trying to say here on my first read. I find that to be a sign of a fantastic writer. I loved the odd structure and the contrast between the description in the verses and the emotion in the chorus. I thought you pulled off the lack of rhyme scheme well, but because your structure was so irregular as well it made the song seem a bit more like a poem than a song.
Moonchild – Over The Moon
OK, this is a quick public service announcement for all, but remember you don’t have to capitalize words like “the” and “of” in the middle of your titles. This is the 3rd song I’ve read out of like 5 so far that have done this and it’s bugging me a bit. Not that I’m going to take away points for it, but it’s still something good to remember.
Now that that’s out of the way, this song was just a few steps away from perfect. The first verses was a bit awkward with its choice of rhymes, but other than that I can’t find anything to criticize. I also love how you fit your username into the song.
ClarsonSlays – Village By the Mountain”
For god’s sake, Clarkson, look at the review above this. You almost did it right, but “By” doesn’t have to be capitalized either. Jesus, delete it fat. Anyways, the song was OK
A few words, like “melancholy” were unnecessary here and felt like they were there just to make you seem a bit more sophisticated. The meaning of the song isn’t entirely clear, but I think I get what you were getting at. Other than that, I liked it better than last week’s song. I have noticed that you seem to have a thing for choosing cool imagery and big words over emotion and meaning, though, so try to play with the emotions in your song a bit more next week
Jack! – I Wish
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. That’s basically what I was saying while reading this. This song is so ****ing cute I’m going to ****ing die. It’s so simple yet so powerful and effective. This is the purpose of this challenge. It’s a yes from me, you’re going to Hollywood. And this is a 500% improvement from last week.
MattyTacos – Martyr
I just have problems with two lines in this song; “or their soul will be mine to keep” because of its presence as a forced rhyme that adds nothing to the song, and “I take heavy blows” which makes little sense to me. The rest of the song was great. Not quite little girl level, but I loved it. I actually love the slight delusion and violence in the bridge. A beautiful dark song.
Marvin – Fading
I could see this being an actual hit. It reads like a song you’d actually hear on the radio. Unfortunately, that’s not really what I’m looking for here. Perhaps with the melody I would love this song, but as just lyrics it’s a bit flat.
HausofNiko – Letters for an Empty Heart
Thanks for capitalizing your title correctly  .
I wasn’t at all a fan of the first verse, but the rest was solid. A big improvement over last week and previous entries I’ve read by you.
Element – Kneel
You don’t want to know the ungodly sound I made when I read the “get down on your knees babe” line  . You’re coming for blood this season. Second 9+ in a row for you. Also, the prechorus of this song was BEYOND perfect. The flow, the imagery, the words, the everything
Keshafied – Alone
Other than bridge which was FULL of forced rhymes, this was a solid entry. Not much to complain about, but I wasn’t particularly slayed by it either.
BlueM – Demons Are Out
Something bugs me about the line “my nightmares of thoughts are always haunting me”  . “Gleams” also seemed like a forced rhyme. The rest of the song was great, though, and an improvement over your song last week.
Nightingale – Flat
I like the premise and themes of the song. Some of the rhymes are forced and there’s a few awkward lines here, but the song wasn’t bad.
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Huga was positive and Sam liked it so I'm feeling good. Still nervous though.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 12/2/2010
Posts: 17,916
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I got 2 goods, I feel 1 mix/bad coming up.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Mess @ GotSkill deciding to show up in my extremely small window to post Meowster's comments.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Mess @ GotSkill deciding to show up in my extremely small window to post Meowster's comments. |
dual post them, make it fun chaos
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Mess @ GotSkill deciding to show up in my extremely small window to post Meowster's comments. |
Post them at the same time 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by HausofNiko
dual post them, make it fun chaos
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Fine, I'll start with Batch 2 and use S7's logo to be ~quirky~ 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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how is sams avatar change everytime i refresh 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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GotSkill's Comments Pt. II
As for batch 2, there were less terrible songs than but also less brilliant songs than the other batches. You all did pretty well, though,
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Originally posted by GotSkill
Ceremonials – Stockholm Syndrome
I love the plot twist here. It’s something you don’t see much in songs, but you pulled it off well. The imagery and word choice could do some work, but I still liked it.
Speezy – Brighter Side
This wasn’t my favorite song of yours. With you it seems to be a hit or miss, and this week was a miss. The longer lines rambled a bit too much, and the shorter lines failed to make an impact on me.
Ughgabriel – The Sky
This song is such a mixed bag. There’s moments of brilliance (“gray old days where people should’ve wondered/if the real mess was in my room or my head”) and huge disappointments (“falling in love with every place’s sky”). This could have been one of the best songs this round with a few edits, but as it is it comes off as awkward. The premise of this song is fantastic, though.
Alesus – All A Lie
“Getting large like a woman with child” I don’t know if I should love or hate that line. I’m not really sure what this song is about or what you’re trying to say here because of some of the weird metaphors. I know you have it in you, but you didn’t bring it this week like I hoped.
Urban_Fan – End of the Line
You stole the first line of your prechorus directly from my song Skeleton  . Anyways, I think you have the same problem as Marvin this week. I could see this song being an actual hit and doing well, but without being able to judge the melodies and production I can’t really give you a high score for the lyrics.
TheCheetahWings – Duplicity
Honestly, the only thing I don’t like about this song is the title line itself. You’ve improved a lot since last season and I have no idea how you did it, but major props to you. This song and last week’s song were both great.
Kunst – Fox
This is probably the first song I’ve read this season so far that could be a huge hit and has great lyrics at the same time. I love the imagery you set up and the metaphor of the fox you used. The description of the boy in the first verse made the song so much easier to digest. The entire fox chase metaphor was very clever as well.
DripDrip – California Coast
I see stars. Many stars. Like, why all the asterisks? Anyways, this tried too hard to be ARTPOP, but you could definitely try to sell this to Gaga when you’re eliminated. (JK I just really wanted to say that). I did find the asterisks to be very distracting, but once I was able to read the song it wasn’t bad even if the storyline was pretty familiar.
Pecinta Mariah – Rays
Did season 5 EuphorianSea ghostwrite on this? It read a bit too much as prose poetry, but it wasn’t particularly bad. If anything it was a definite improvement from last week.
Buyonce1814 – Bitter Pill
There were some absolutely gorgeous lines here. I could see this being the closing track on an Adele album. The line “so I look over my shoulder/hoping time turns to nostalgia” almost brought a hallelujah out of me. The one problem I did have with this was the meter in the first verse. Still, I’m shocked at how much you’ve improved since last season. You’re truly proving that you’re more than Truth Teller’s pet.
Qatari Monster – Lies
This was a bit too generic for me. Not enough really happened in the song for me to get a good feel of whether I liked it or not. I would have appreciated less familiar language.
Inuborg – The Needle
This is the best Icarus reference in a song since season 6 . There were a few awkward rhymes here, such as “cathedral”. I loved the Icarus and space themes.
Dylobs – The Only One
This reminds me of Katy’s It Takes Two in a good way. This was a solid break up song. However, I could wish for a bit more in the story and imagery of the song.
Jpow – Prove It
Maybe it’s just me, but I found the overuse of the word “want” slightly annoying. This played off of too many sex song clichés and didn’t provide anything original or interesting.
Tiberius – Resolutions
Delete it fat.
JK, this was good, although not quite as good as last week where you were ROBBED of a top 10 placing. But pay attention to the word count.
8thPrince – Champagne On My Parade
What a fascinating concept  . Your title is flawless. You really grew up this season in terms of themes and titles, and I love it. The language in this song was beautiful. There was perhaps a bit too much repetition, but this was still one of my favorite songs this week.
Keshaspearsxo – Of Dreams
Your flow was perfect, and I actually like the way you added a syllable to the last line to draw emphasis on it. I actually had to read the song once all the way through without paying attention to the meaning because the meter was so satisfying. The meaning was a bit convoluted because of the poetry of the song, but the imagery was exactly what I was looking for and I LOVE the fact that there were no repeated sections. Sometime I want to see you take the simplicity in your structure and complexity of your lyrics and try to apply it to a typical song structure, because I think the other judges would find it more effective.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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@GotSkill Sam must have capitalized it when he sent them out because my PM doesn't have the "the" capitalized. I was wondering why the critiques did. 
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Member Since: 1/20/2012
Posts: 27,830
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Quote:
Marvin – Fading
I could see this being an actual hit. It reads like a song you’d actually hear on the radio. Unfortunately, that’s not really what I’m looking for here. Perhaps with the melody I would love this song, but as just lyrics it’s a bit flat.
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So I wrote a Platinum Hit but it still wasn't enough
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Positive, but not super positive,ill take it tho
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Wait at me lowkey flopping this week for real
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