Quote:
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Originally posted by Hugamari
I get that you wanted the "therapy" part to be emphasized, but starting it in every part made it just drag on to me. I am glad that your topic was different from the normal type of entry, though - it livened it up a bit. I can't help but feel the end of your song was said in a sassy voice.  Anyway, besides for the repetition of the therapy part, I think you did a good job at using your words. |
YAS @ you catching the sassiness without me even denoting it. Slay.
If I hadn't had any repetition, I'd have been dragged for not having a hook.
Quote:
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Originally posted by Sam
This was moving, especially after seeing what you said in the thread after listening to “Hello” about your father.  But I can’t let that affect my judgement. It was a very well put together song. You didn’t need to repeat any sections in the traditional sense, which was good. I found the repetitions at the beginning of each stanza interesting but it did end up detracting a little for me. I think without the “They think I need to be cured by the priest” lyric wasn’t necessary, or perhaps one (therapy) could be used for every odd stanza, and the other (priest) for every even stanza, just to give it a little bit less direct repetition. But it was a strong concept, which I’m sure so many can relate to, you once again had strong lyricism and flow and it felt complete. Well done. |
I think that if it weren't for the character limit, I would only have used the priest line once, replacing it with something else to fit the rhyme scheme.
But I also thought that I needed some sort of hook, since there isn't actually a chorus anywhere in there. All Too Well / The Best Day teas.
Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
Top 10!
1. Rip my heart out a biT (1)
1. What a boP (2)
1. 2 times in a row?  (3)
1. That's just your writing style. (3)
5. I couldn't help but fall in love with it. (2)
5. LOVED the theme, it was something not done before, and you did it well. (1)
7. JUST so you know, text is black by default. (2)
7. Duck (2)
7. Good. (2)
7. YAS GAWD. (3) |
Is (the second) #5 me? You said My "topic was different from the normal type of entry, though- it livened it up a bit."
Freedom of Love Annotated Edition
