Quote:
20. Neptune Blue (Interlude)
This is more of a free verse poem than a song. While I love the title, the words “Neptune Blue” don’t really fit anywhere in the song. They seem as if they’re simply thrown in there to add beauty to the song. Your language is good and there’s some good poetic elements in the song, but the flow and rhyme scheme is all off. I think you went too far with the idea of having free structure to where it becomes more of a poem than an interlude.
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I kinda used "Burnt Norton Interlude" as a guide, that is why it has a more poetic vibe. "Neptune Blue" is meant to spoken, not sang. I thought Neptune Blue fit the character because they were cold, and remote like the planet Neptune, and Neptune is blue which represents sadness.
Thank you for taking the time to read my submission. I appreciate the critique.
Hope I get another shot though, I can do way better.
I thought like 8 minutes was a decent time.
