Here are a few that are still in voting process:
Today, I was really horny and convinced my bf to leave work early. He told his boss I had the flu and he needed to come take care of me. While I was riding him, I got a little to wild and ended up breaking his penis. He had to tell his boss why he can't come in for the next few days. FML
OMG! That would ****in' hurt!
Today, my mom walked in on me trying on her clothes. I'm a 16 year old boy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got in a really big fight. I told him "Fine go find a new girlfriend because apperently i cant do my job right. I cant make you happy." His reply Your right, you cant.
I checked my mom's phone to see if she ever texts. Turns out she does. She texts five different men in a very inappropriate manner. And I also realized that my very large mother has five more men that want her then me.
****ty mother!
Today, I thought my dad had done the shopping, I was eating a sandwich my sister came into the kitchen I said the buns I got were better then the ones dad bought, she goes I bought and them told my dad. FML
Today, I tried to kill a fruit gnat. I missed and slapped myself in the balls. the gnat then landed on my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought some new sheets. He invited me over to take a look. We started fooling around and we ended up having some great sex. I was in the middle of a very intense, wonderful, orgasm when he scratched my back and stopped to look for blood so it wouldn't get on his sheets. FML.
Today I brought my three triplets back from the NICU and couldn't wait to bring them home. My husband stayed home to watch my 5 year old son...but when I got home I found my son home alone and he told me that daddy left with a pretty woman. It's been 48 hours and he hasn't come home. FML
Oh my God!
today my boyfriend of two years cheated on me. he told me he thought it was me who he was sleeping with and he said if it wasnt me she was sure hotter than me. i found out the girl he slept with was a 48 year old who weighs 200 pounds. i am 28 and weigh about 125. FML
WTF!!!!?
Today my girlfriend and I decided to have a romantic evening on the beach, she wanted to try something new a foot job... The next day we discovered she has posion ivy on her feet when she did it... FML
Today i saw mi girlfriend at the movies...... with mi best friend who was "out of town".
Today, someone said the nicest thing I've ever heard in my entire life: "You are my best friend". It was by Cleverbot, an Artificial Intelligence. FML.
Today my girlfriend broke up with me for another guy, which by itself isn't that bad, what gets me is that HE had a crush on me and according to a mutual friend both of them scream my name during sex FML.
WTF? That's messed up!
His girlfriend left him for a bisexual who screams his name during sex?!
Today my 5 year old decided that our hamster was cold so she put it in mircowave.
Poor little hamster!
Last night I went to the house of the guy I liked. We went into his room to watch some movies. Before I knew it he stripped off my clothes, and suddenly his face was between my legs. I wanted to wait until I was married to do anything, but all I could do is
stare at the ceiling and say nothing. FML!
Yesterday, i got wasted at a club and went home with a man that flirted with me and called me pretty. Then we did it. We did some pretty kinky ****... Then he went home. The next day, i met my sisters fiance. It was him. FML
Today while watching a football game I got a hard on FML
Today, I got pulled over by the cops because my mother's license is revoked and they thought I was her. I'm a man. FML
Today, I was walking down the street with my girlfriend going shopping with her. When we came to a crosswalk with a big puddle of mud, I decided to put my jacket over it to be nice like in the movies. I was holding her new $600 jacket at the time. FML
FML