Ugh...
I go on my Facebook and see pictures of my dad and his family's holiday, making me feel so.. Idek.
Rant/StoryHe has treated me so poorly my whole life, left me and my mum when I was a baby, finally made contact with me when I was about 11/12, met him for the first time along with my two sisters. Kept visting and staying at his house with his wife for about a year then he started having financial issues and visiting stopped. He kept making promises that he would visit me, but something always came up which he then had to "re-arrange". My first birthday away from him after meeting him, he sent me a card with money, since then it's been just a happy birthday on Facebook.
He doesn't message me that often, once every few month and it's always the same "I'm missing you man, I really need to meet you, I know I've been a **** dad but I want to make it up to you" or "I'm missing you and I should be coming to London in a few weeks, it would be good to see you". Nothing ever happens, he said the latter of those comments to me on my birthday just went and usually I would say, "That would be great, looking forward to it", but this time I just said "Um, I'd have to see if I would have the time, let me know when and I'll get back to you". It's to the point of where I don't care any more, my cousin has asked me many times if I hate my dad and truthfully I don't... But I don't like him either, he's just like there.. Where ever "there" is.
My sister messages me now and then which is nice since I would love to have a relationship with her, she's 14, turning 15 this year and I've missed so much because of him, and of my other sister who is about 11, we're basically acquaintances and that sucks big time. Just seeing the photo and I'm thinking "Oh, you have no time nor the money to visit me (which wouldn't even cost much, he literally lives an hour away from me) but you have time to go on these holidays and such with them, do I mean that little?".
I guess it's to be expected, I'm 21 now and if he did care that much, he would have tried harder and done something by now, maybe this time he will come to London but if he does... I'm not sure I would even want to meet him, it would just be so awkward and I wouldn't know what to say to him. I know because of how shy and insecure I am, in person I would say "Oh don't worry about it, I totally understand", but really I don't and I don't feel that way at all.
I haven't thought about any of this until tonight, until I saw that picture, eh, it's whatever though I'm not feeling down about it, I just wanted to let this out.
Phew.
