Back in 2009, Bishop Kevin Kanouse had an opportunity to vote in favor of pro-gay reforms in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.

He voted against them because he was secretly gay himself.

Now the secret is out with Kanouse, head of the church’s Northern Texas-Northern Louisiana area, coming out publicly in a letter to church leaders last week that he has made public.

He regrets his vote against allowing the blessing of same-gender relationships and removing the threat of discipline for pastors who blessed such relationships.

‘I voted “no” feeling incredibly torn,’ he admits in his letter. ‘I was afraid. I was afraid I would have to defend my decision to vote “yes” in congregations that would be strongly opposed to gay and lesbian persons. It was safer to hide behind a “no” vote. I was a coward… another sin for which I needed forgiveness.’

Kanouse’s letter sheds light on the struggle he had for many decades and how he learned to live with it.

‘I learned early on that I had to hide my true nature… especially because I wanted to be a pastor and serve in the church. After all, pastors could not be gay and serve Jesus,’ he wrote.

‘On the one hand, I felt safety and joy in the church, along with a strong sense of call to ministry. On the other hand, church was also where I felt I most had to hide, the most shame. I lived with low self-esteem, self-loathing, and feelings of guilt and rejection.’

Kanouse has been married for 40 years to wife Billye Jean who he met in college and writes that they plan to stay married. They have two sons and a grandson.

‘It took nearly a year or more, along with much good counseling, before I could verbalize it to Billye Jean,’ he wrote. ‘It was a moment of fear of possible rejection. For a long time we discussed the implications for us and our future. I wanted to remain married and to try to continue to understand what this would mean for us. She accepted me and affirmed me, despite her fears and questions.

‘We are both committed to our marriage, for which I am grateful. I recognize that this is our decision and it is right for us. However, I can now say I respect those of any persuasion who live out their sexuality in bonds of marital commitment.’

FULL LETTER> https://ntnl.org/bp-kanouses-letter-from-july-18-2015

very sad. I can't even blame him. society sucks

Bishop or ex-bishop?

Great, now I'm depressed.

I'm glad he is finally able to accept himself.

Ew at him being married to a woman for 40 years awful, stealing her life like that.

It sucks that he led her astray, but he was also living a lie and was probably unhappy all these years depressing for both the husband and wife. 40 years neither of them can get back

Bisexuality exists and how did he steal her life? he gave her a family was in a committed marriage.

Absolutely ludicrous.

He came out as gay, not bisexual.

Anyway she's staying with him, but it's not like she has many options at this age. Good for him for finally being honest even if it's really late.

It's shameful how society puts people into pressure like this. People end up having to hide who they are and marry someone they don't truly love just to be accepted by others, and tbh it's just all wrong. People are going to end up getting ****ed over.

Lutheran Churches already have gay and female bishops. They're among the most liberal Christian denominations.

!

I feel bad for him.

I have a friend (who i love(d) and i swear loved me back) who is training to become a pastor and i fear this is going to be his fate.

I mean what a waste of life i would be furious if i was his wife that is the epitome of selfish n this day and age

I don't recall reading that she had a terrible life and he has two sons and a grandson that I am sure he loves very much. He might have been struggling internally but that does not mean he was a bad father to his children or a bad husband.

Oh, I didn't see it was Lutheran pretty sure Martin wouldn't approve.

At least he's trying to amend his mistakes.

And this might sound ignorant, but I have always been puzzled how the closet gay guys can consume their marriage with a woman for years or even decades.

*Sigh* I always really feel for the wife in all this. So awful

Poor ha.