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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
Under the Hot 100?
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Oh, I suppose that could be a good way to explain it 
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Member Since: 2/5/2014
Posts: 29,111
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
I am bubbling
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You make the bubble up? We'll call you the bubbler
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bloomers
You make the bubble up? We'll call you the bubbler
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Exactly!
Bloomers, you unearthed the clue and solved the mystery. You've won the prize of a Buggati 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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~45 minutes
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Oh, how cute of TT to PM me the countdown. I miss those times.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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ClarksonSlays
 The Story (feat. Era)The presentation is obviously awesome and the graphics are impressive. As far as the actual story (pun unintended) goes, I like it and how the relationship is shown from both sides; and I like how the pre-chorus and chorus ties the whole of the lyrics together. I liked the sly “hunted” reference in Era’s verse and some of the imagery is romantic “stunning charisma,” “charming smile” which fits the tone nicely. That being said, I’m not sure if all the language works; there are several lines (“you made light where there was darkness,” “you are all my strength and weakness…”) that I felt detracted somewhat because they weren’t as fresh as the lines that related to the central metaphor.
Love Her
I love the references to “The Story,” which I think is a great call and increases the cohesiveness to the EP. I think everything about tis entry is pretty tight and it flows well. I’m not particularly familiar with Sara to be honest, but I looked up the lyrics to hers and I think you captured a tone that seemed inspired by “Bright Lights…” without heavily referencing it. The imagery was pretty on point, the words were pretty romantic in tone and were able to communicate feeling without outright telling. I particularly liked “Hold her tight, like the moon holds the night.” Besides, the second verse feeling less tight, and slightly more disjointed, and the card metaphor that comes across as slightly more out of place compared to the more natural imagery, this is a great entry.
Lost Birds
This is a good conclusion to close out the EP. It finishes the story of the relationships in a romantic tone similar to the rest of the EP which makes the EP that much stronger. Personally, I think that the song lyrics might not be as immediately accessible (a little too packed with more figurative imagery) as a true hit single despite the Max Martin production. That being said, it’s a personal preference and opinion here and the flow remains pretty accessible. There are some weaker moments like “along with the forgotten lovely days,” and “lost birds forgetful of time.” The “along with the forgotten lovely days line” uses too many adjectives in my opinion; one can be more effective and powerful. On your EP as a whole, I think that each song made the EP as a whole stronger.
EuphorianSea
Ballerina
I like how the song is thematically cohesive and everything relates back to the central theme of the song. I do also like how the song addresses the “you,” it puts you there and makes the lyrics more relatable and accessible. That being said, that direct addressing of the “you” approaches straight-up description and narration at times “you have everything/you’re a pre-planned disaster” which isn’t as powerful as say, “your wounded tears of scarlet” which carries more meaning.
Paradox
I can see the Walk Away blueprint with this one. I think you stayed pretty true to the essence of that song. That being said, there are some moments that throw off the tone of the song. The “lemon drop line” doesn’t quite work as a metaphor here. It stays too close to the candy line in Christina’s lyrics and isn’t the most serious lyric. The “heavy arm line” also falls a little flat for me. It may sound nice, but isn’t particularly meaningful, the connotation makes me think more about fat arms than anything muscular or strong. Make sure that each line has meaning and a purpose.
Shy
I will say, that I was really looking forward to this collaboration and I am disappointed. I’m not sure if I’m feeling this one to be honest. It comes off as cheeky and not very serious. The bridge’s more serious tone especially is undercut by the silliness of the remainder of the lyrics and that throws off the tone and is hard to take seriously. And I’m not sure how to effectively work in that “eggs” line. I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with sillier lyrics, but I do think that there is a line where it feels like a bunch of one-liners that are silly rather than a cohesive song. That all being said “steam me please,” has the potential to be an iconic line. Disappointing to see you turn in something like this so close to the final
keshaspearsxo
Rose Body
It reminded me of a more accessible version Heartwater with the natural, romantic imagery. Now, I do see some rhymes here that take me out of the vibe of the song, the “Storm,” “warn” rhymes in the second verse (and most of the second verse) feel forced because of some awkward phrasing that seems shaped just to fit the rhyme. Aside from some more awkward and couple filler phrasings (“locked eyes, hundred percent”), and a couple of the forced rhymes, I really liked the dreamy flow of the song and thought it was pretty strong.
Possibility
Now that you post the iamamiwhoami lyrics here, I can definitely see the inspiration for some of your lyrics and the imagery used. That being said, this is one of your stronger entries. I love how it’s consistent in feeling with Rose Body, captures a similar mood as your blueprint, and tells an interesting a relatable story that is easy to imagine and picture while still being unique. There are a couple sections where I thought the flow could be improved (I think Rose Body had a pretty strong flow), like “We’ve no hand in the matter,” but overall, possibly my favorite entry from you.
Oblivion (feat. conatus)
One of your strengths is your word choice. You generally know exactly what words to use to conjure up the meaning you would like. Your imagery here is on point with the rest of the EP which makes things consistent. There are a couple lines that don’t seem to have as much meaning; like the “demand” and “command” bridge lines which aren’t as immediately meaningful. In fact, I thought the concept of oblivion here was a bit difficult to understand (I assume the end of the relationship), but it was hard to follow, which wouldn’t be a bad thing; but I would say since this song is more straightforward story-telling, instead of an extended metaphor, it might be slightly more beneficial to be more accessible.
lovesong
Wilderness
My first thought when reading through was that, the opening line could be more gripping and immediately attention grabbing. I quickly got engrossed though. Your strength here is using straight-forward language to effectively tell a story that is relatable. Now, there were a couple lyrics that felt like they repeated something without really adding much; the “this fire’s burning just for you,” comes across as repetitive coming after the lantern line; although, I did like the emphasis on the “My fire” line in the closing. But, there really isn’t much else to criticize. The one other thing I would say, would be a stand out lyric or some type of escalation that helps the song take off, especially since this is the single; otherwise, I really liked the lyrics “ I especially liked the simplicity of the “shots,” “thoughts,” lines in the verse. Nice one lovesong.
Nothing Is Forever
There are some moments in the lyrics that run a little close to Swiftian (“think of me” recalls “you’ll remember me,” the dress lyric, the “nothing is forever” line); but I think there was enough difference in the lyrics. There are a couple portions that could benefit from slightly tighter rhythm as “my dress flowing in the wind,” and “our memories flash by in a blink” just don’t seem to flow as well compared to the surrounding lyrics. The one other thing, that stood out to me was the “his hands are pressed hard up against the glass” line in verse 2; it’s an interesting image, but sticks out just slightly because the rest of the lyrics seem to be tied to something or rooted in some type of story, and there isn’t much context for it. That all being said, I think you captured the romanticism and feeling of the blueprint well and put together a solid stand-alone song that maintains the tone of the first song.
Paradise (feat. Hugamari)
Some of the lyrics are racy and filled with innuendo! I like that this song still keeps the same romantic tone as your other two entries, which makes for a consistent EP. Again, I would make sure that everything is more on the relatable and logical side since your writing style is more realistic (“I’m restless like a firework show” for example, doesn’t quite seem to make sense as a metaphor for example) and you have a knack for detail and setting a mood so I would look out for lines that might distract or stick out from the tone. This does have one of my favorite lovesong choruses, accessible, meaningful but effective....
Sam
Celestial
I like the more staccato feeling of the hook. It has a good rhythm to it and the bridge offers a nice escalation that takes the lyrics to another level because of the story progression. I’m not sure if I’m over the moon about the central metaphor though; I do think that the hook and bridge are on point but the verses and chorus don’t really take off. The song seems to be shooting for something more accessible and I do think that some of the vocab like “opalascent” “imperial,” “Eden” might all be a little too obtuse to click with the more accessible structure of the lyrics. There also is some awkward language too; “this feeling indescribable” is redundant with “means I can’t find a single word to say to you;” “elevates us past the atmosphere” is difficult to say also.
Red Thread
I think the red thread metaphor was an interesting way to incorporate the Past Lives blueprint. That being said, the use of historical references did stay a little too close to the original blueprint and the overall structure stays a little close as well; whereas I think that the thread concept was interesting and could have been fleshed out more and that could have stayed in tune with the concept of the song while not being too similar. I do think that the lyrics are solid otherwise with some powerful imagery that carried some of the more ethereal themes that add to the consistency.
Frightening Nights and Lightning Strikes (feat. dwuw)
I like the dwuw influence on this one and how his figurative language is incorporated and how that adds to the more ethereal themes of the EP. I actually really like the structure and the trade-off between the duet partners. I think some of the word choices could be stronger; I’m not exactly sure I would describe an ocean shore as “tranquil” and an oak as “etching” and the imagery makes the lyrics feel more poetic than associated with a song, but they do still tell an interesting story and provide a strong ending to the EP.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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I like the dwuw influence on this one and how his figurative language is incorporated and how that adds to the more ethereal themes of the EP.
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My impact I guess
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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On your EP as a whole, I think that each song made the EP as a whole stronger.
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Slay  Thank you Bloomers!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Everything is ready.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Now that you post the iamamiwhoami lyrics here, I can definitely see the inspiration for some of your lyrics and the imagery used. That being said, this is one of your stronger entries. I love how it’s consistent in feeling with Rose Body, captures a similar mood as your blueprint, and tells an interesting a relatable story that is easy to imagine and picture while still being unique. There are a couple sections where I thought the flow could be improved (I think Rose Body had a pretty strong flow), like “We’ve no hand in the matter,” but overall, possibly my favorite entry from you.
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Take the jump with me, bloomers 
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There are a couple lines that don’t seem to have as much meaning; like the “demand” and “command” bridge lines which aren’t as immediately meaningful. In fact, I thought the concept of oblivion here was a bit difficult to understand (I assume the end of the relationship)
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I wouldn't say it was particularly about a relationship at all, it was about death. I can see how that could be thought, though, with the "we" narrative, but it's essentially about how everybody is just wandering toward their death..."tumbling toward oblivion". The 'we follow demand/command' idea is just so, that we have no control in our lives, although we may like to think we are, in the pessimist view of the song, we just walk the line we are told to follow toward our oblivion.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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It is time
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Thank you Bloomers!
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Okay I'm not caught up and I'm never going to be caught up so someone just tell me who's eliminated
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Congrats lovesong 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Damn Lovesong, slay 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Congrats lovesong!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Oh wow! Thank you
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tymps.
Okay I'm not caught up and I'm never going to be caught up so someone just tell me who's eliminated
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Signs would point toward Euphorian and Sam or I.
But I'm going for a shower so if I die suddenly I may never know 
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