Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
Mess why would you hate yourself. You probably have no genuine reason.
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Well you know it's late at night so emotions are amplified.
First of all I feel like I need to put myself out there more. Almost no one has contacted me first since school ended and no one has tried to make any plans with me and the friends that I have contacted have told me about all their plans or sent me videos and I just feel like crap about that. There's obviously something really wrong with myself.
I also really hate my body but I feel like the only way to fix it is to put everything into trying to get "swole" and honestly I'm sure I'm addicted to eating unhealthily.
In addition I couldn't get a job this summer and I have spent the past three months worrying about that. I don't think I've had high standards, but I haven't gotten a job and not a single place has contacted me. Again there's obviously something inherently wrong with me.
I also don't treat myself well at all and spend all day on an online forum where I desperately try to seek some form of validation by having people reply to my posts with laughing smileys.
I mean I could go on. Point is it's not like I have no reason. The last reason I'll end this with is that I can't help myself from posting about these things on ATRL and secretly hoping people will pity me and pay attention to me. I really think that's one of the saddest things. I wrote this whole stupid post to throw a huge pity party and make everything about me and now I'm about to press "Submit Reply".