Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Actors (lovesong)The song essentially takes a very famous Shakespeare line and expands it into a full-length song. The concept is interesting on the whole and I really like the last line; bringing the action “backstage” in the last moment complicates the matter and leaves the listener/reader thinking. Maybe it’s because you’re coming off one of your best weeks in the competition, but this is one of your weaker entries to me. The rhythm is a bit messy in the verses, and though some of the slant rhymes work well, others don’t feel natural because of rhythm problems (see: practice/this). Much of the song feels strained, like you’re looking for rhymes and lines that will fit the concept. I just think this is missing something to make it unique and personal, as a self-portrait should be.
Cold Front (conatus)
This was pretty cool. I like the opening and how the first line establishes the speaker’s issues that will be addressed throughout. It’s a strong concept and the conceit you use throughout w/ the weather is a cool way of talking about it. The prechorus/chorus/hook section is stronger than the verses to me, which sometimes plod a bit with the easy rhymes (blame/same, still/kill). This has a tighter focus than I expected for the challenge, since it talks more about one part of you and not about who you are as a whole.
Dark Side (ClarksonSlays)
The chorus would be much stronger without the last two lines. And I assume “teas” = “tease”? I think the first verse is strong and like the repetition there. Although the intent is clear here, it’s at least a little subtle at times. This is lost in the second verse, where you tell rather than show, and it makes the verse weaker. The audience understands what’s going on without you saying, “I’m as nasty as one could be” (which is probably hyperbole anyway). Otherwise, the song was fine, it just didn’t feel as tight as usual from you. (For example, who is “they” in the bridge?)
Deer (keshasparsxo)
This felt a bit more like a child’s song than a song one would ever hear on the radio, though the simplicity was kind of endearing. It’s interesting that for a self-portrait challenge—where you could really represent who YOU are—you decided to represent yourself entirely through a metaphor. Who are you really? Even though you're gonna win this challenge, I think you’re one of the few contestants remaining who doesn’t really have a specific style. While that can be a hindrance (if your style is bad), I think having a unique voice is important and you seem to be writing for the challenge every week rather than adapting your own voice to meet the needs of the challenge. Anyway, back to the song: I like the structure in the chorus. Saying “the deer is me” in the bridge is messy—it’s abundantly clear from the first line and we don’t need to be told. The bridge has a cool structure (I think of it sounding like the end of Ryn’s Traveling Song), but I still think that most of the song has conventional language and only really engages with your personal struggles on a somewhat superficial level.
Dont Cry Wolf (8thPrince)
Not another animal song! Why do you all identify as animals?  The ‘transfixed’ line didn’t work for me. I like the bridge. I’m not really sure what the song is getting at though; the chorus starts by saying that you shouldn’t pretend something happened that didn’t when someone tricks you, then talks about someone being secretive and alone, then not alone anymore (walking with you) and being proud of what’s to come. This is kind of jumbled. That’s not the case for the verses though, which are cohesive and have a more direct meaning. This song doesn’t feel a lot like a self-portrait, but some of the lyrics are cool.
Free (Era)
This feels a bit more like a journal entry than a song because it doesn’t feel particularly tight or lyrical. Most of the comments are very straightforward and confessional, and I think a song about a concept like this needs to be a bit more subtle. Here’s an example. Conceptually, this song is similar to “Fast Car” in how both describe people who are wishing for freedom, especially away from their current life. But, “You’ve got a fast car / I want a ticket to anywhere” captures all of that in a nice, economical way while this song spends a lot of time essentially saying the same thing. That said, I can sense the emotion in the song and I like how the message is developed in the second verse. I like the short simple p-cs (though I wonder how a ground will lift something).
More Than This (Sam)
The verses are stronger than the chorus. I like the structure there (with the repeated line) and really like the first verse lyrically. “A famous wonder” is a kind of odd and much of the language felt a bit familiar. I wish “upon” in the pre-chorus was “on” instead. I think y’all are actually counting syllables and being really strict about it when it’s not important if you have a 12/9/12/10 pre-chorus. I can sing that perfectly fine too. The nod to last week’s song in the bridge was cute, but I don’t like the first line although I see what you were going for with it.
Self-Destruct (EuphorianSea)
Clouds can’t pierce sunshine.
The Cave (GotSkill)
The first line being the same as Radioactive though  And then the rhythm basically matches it (I think—I’ve only heard the song like twice). This song is OK but doesn’t feel like it leaves much of an impact. I can’t tell if you’re trolling with “photophobic” but it’s not cute, just like the cave being your ‘tomb’ even though you’re coming out of it. “I’m happy” is a bad rhyme and doesn’t work rhythmically either, but the song is a bit redeemed by the last couple lines
To Me... (Hugamari)
Wait, I kind of like this. The first verse is a great hook for the reader, pulling them into the stakes of the song and immediately establishing what you’re trying to say with your self-portrait. The chorus is fine. The biggest issue I have with the song starts in the 2nd verse and how it doesn’t add anything new to the song; in essentially each part of the song, you’re saying the same thing in different words. This makes the song feel a bit static and I would have liked it to have something more, whether that be a narrative or a twist or something. The song ends up asking more questions than giving answers (what do you need to be ‘saved’ from in the bridge?) and much of it is a little too on-the-nose, but it’s one of your best entries so far.
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Hang on.
I pity them.
