Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Actors (lovesong)I definitely feel the St. Vincent influence lol. Anyways while simplicity is often good this was just very straightforward and it wasn’t a super unique story, you know, every basic can go on about how they’re never their real selves. This challenge was about being personal and I wish you did a narrative that was more special and interesting and told us more about you specifically.
Cold Front (conatus)
I like how contemplative is; like a real person (zomg!) you wrestle with ideas before you come to their complex conclusions. Don’t really know what “change the weather” exactly means, that’s a weird metaphor. Avoid really basic rhymes like night/right especially at the end of stanzas because then they really stand out.
Dark Side (ClarksonSlays)
That title hunty. Smooth. I’m laughing way too hard at (Ha!) since I’m speaking the song in my mind. Some of the ways things are worded are a little too funny, but for the most part I’ll just let you get away with it. Just know that the best types of outrageous sort of lines are ones that have more subtle innuendos or have something clever to them. Avoid basic lines like “scared, happy, lonely and sad” and “bring me high”
Deer (keshasparsxo)
lol @ the ellipses, Hugamari is that you? I really like the thematic idea of the little deer, it focuses the whole song in and makes it stand out. That bridge is so powerful, especially the little deer being crumpled up; so emotionally packed. However the chorus is the most important part of the song and I wish you made it more exciting, because it was the least invigorating part.
Dont Cry Wolf (8thPrince)
First line of the chorus is great, that’s a great example of a catchy and unique line. It’s weird you talk so much about lazing/relaxing/etc… just mentioning it once would’ve been enough. Bridge is nice too. I don’t really understand what’s going on in the second verse (mostly first half of it)? The song seems inconsistent in tone.
Free (Era)
SSLLAANNTT RRHHYYMMEESS. The rhymes you used were almost all perfect and they were really simple words too so it took away from the song. I love the verses and how they tell a special story but also have emotions that are very relatable. The chorus felt really plain and didn’t have as much special to say, in fact I thought it was a little *trigger warning* trite. Songs work best when the driving idea behind them is something distinctive, and I wouldn’t say wanting to be “free” (very vague) is distinctive.
More Than This (Sam)
You did the challenge very well. Your chorus is missing a catchy or distinctive line. Maybe you could’ve used less straight-forward language in some parts? While it was personal you didn’t really talk about these things in new ways (“I see it written in the stars / My name on Hollywood Boulevard”) outside of the bridge. That’s what I felt was missing.
Self-Destruct (EuphorianSea)
Some great lines, like the worst/best with the feel like it thing in the chorus. The song feels very personal, it feels very raw, and I love songs where you can tell that the writer/performer/whatever is totally overcome with emotions. Really the emotion of this song drives it in. I feel like some stuff was just totally unnecessary, like the end of the bridge and the end of the whole song. .
The Cave (GotSkill)
“I’m waking up” to ash and dust I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust I’m breathing in the chemicals *breathes* lol I’m so funny XD
Okay so your song. Loved the use of “photophobic”. That star lord reference at the end makes it feel like this is another five minute entry from you although idk if it was. The cave was a nice idea and I liked the part where if you cry they’ll hear you because that works really well in the metaphor. You didn’t have to be so obvious with the “I’m coming out” thing; up until then the subtlety was working really nicely.
To Me... (Hugamari)
YES Huga. That is how you present a situation that feels unique but yet also is so easily relatable. A “I used to watch the raindrops race each other down the car window” tea. I really like the idea for this song and it’s so raw and knowing you it’s so accurate too. Things are stated simply as usual but you’ve got the ideas that drive the song this time and that’s why it works so well. Just don’t repeat yourself for the sake of a rhyme (“I’m on my own / There’s no one else”).
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Pratt 
Thank you Tymps 