Originally posted by Bloomers I love this and I have saved it for future use

Mess @ round 2 level **** when I slayed round 2

Round 2 still had the conatus curse. Memories.

I got my first top 10 song in round 2.

It would've been fun if I could drag these half-assed songs.

Originally posted by Tymps. omg klasjfkldsajflkjfakls @Hugamari BUT FIRST A MESSAGE FROM THE JUDGES PART 2 I wasn't really expecting this, I just thought it was an average round.

Reviews

conatus - Ain’t Nobody : I’m shocked that this mostly holds up tbh. There are a few awkward lines/word choices ("the dragon,” the f-ing the rappers, why is drowning someone “breakfast”?) but most of the rhymes feel natural and are amusing. The weakest part for me is the end of the 2nd verse where suddenly there’s barely any rhyming happening. The hook is unnecessary and cliche, so having a stronger hook would definitely have helped this track score a little higher. The rhythm is pretty strong; there are a few spots where it gets a bit lost but for the most part I thought this was one of the best rap songs we’ve had in the competition and it’s cool you tried something new. But does this tell a story? What’s the arc? I don’t think it does. You’re going home.

keshaspearsxo - Away : Well we start off with a grammar issue; it should be “I lie.” But anyway, I loved the structure of the pre-chorus. The chorus is cool for the most part, but I think it ends on a weak note. The weakest overall part for me was the 2nd verse: it doesn’t really add anything new to the song (which a V2 should), and the lines themselves are awkward, especially the last one. “To keep continuing” is the same as “to continue,” but is just wordy and really a mouthful. The first line of the bridge is also a bit off; there’s no verb. I liked the angle you took for the story though; it’s a nice twist on the tired suicide trope. I think you had the concept and structure down this week, but could have spent more time fine-tuning the language.

Buyonce1814 - Gay : You really couldn’t come up with another title? Obviously the rhyming was easy like the whole time (though I liked the adverbs in the first verse), but some of the rhymes were also awkward or forced (smear, sceptic?). The story didn’t really have movement; for a storytelling challenge, I expect there to be some revelations or advancement of the plot or something but this was just the same throughout. It’s an example of the “show don’t tell” idea since this is just so in-your-face all the time and obvious with its intentions. The rhythm is strong for the most part. Honestly, (I’m gay and) I don’t even know what to say.

lovesong - Honeyeater : I swear y’all are trying to kill me this week with these titles This feels a bit MC to me (“Escaped into a state of reverie” is very mid-90s MC, all the honey stuff, etc.), and has some nice imagery and probably fits the challenge of telling a story better than any other entry I’ve read so far. I like how things are still OK in the first verse and the chorus + v2 sets up the drama. There are a bunch of lines that feel kind of strained either in diction or rhythm (“Struck me down…”, “Watch as you pull…”). I don’t like how “Struck me down” repeats in the chorus because it doesn’t feel like an attempt at parallelism but an accident. This entry is strong on the whole, but my biggest issue is easily the constant jumping of verb tense: it starts in past tense, then “Watch as you pull” is present tense (as is ‘feel’), the chorus is past, the second verse is present (“You run your…”). This is confusing, especially in a round where you’re telling a story. I can’t tell if this guy is gone or not!

8thPrince - One Room Rave : The end of the first verse is a little awkward (“in case I think I need”), and what is “charcoaled ramen”?? I like the way you told the story and the idea of the music/dancing creating a simulacrum of home for the speaker and how this is contrasted with the verses, which have a melancholic tone I like. I think the bridge isn’t quite as strong because it tells instead of shows. I also think some of the lines are a bit quotidian like the top-notch chef line.

Sam - One-Way Mirror : This read like a techno song to me, I guess because the rhythm and rhyme scheme feel so tightly structured. I really like the concept of the one-way mirror representing the song's central concern (unrequited love). The storytelling was good (esp. with the movement achieved in each verse) and structurally everything was OK, but the song lacked something to really elevate it. I think it’s that a lot of the language felt kind of ordinary and the rhymes felt expected. There wasn’t a lot of passion here like I’ve seen in your previous entries.

dwuw - Over : “Over” is my fave Lindsay Lohan song, so you have big shoes to fill using that title… I don’t think this song does a great job at telling a story because the details are all very familiar and generic. Specific details are a key component of a narrative song (think of Taylor’s songs, which I know you’re familiar with; the scarf in ATW, the hands in your pocket line in Last Kiss, etc.). This feels like something outside your experience that you wrote about my simply gathering all the generic conventions you could think of. I like the structure of the chorus and think that overall the song was structurally sound, but the language felt either too ordinary or awkward (drowning in poison).

inuborg - Persephone : I thought the chorus was great. Some of the lines were off with rhythm (“Our history…”) or were just awkwardly phrased (“shunned my skies”), but the imagery throughout was nice and I like how you tell a modern story thorough the lens of a mythological tale. The bridge was good for both its content and for bringing the story in a slightly new direction. This is definitely one of my favorite entries from you all season.

Era - Red Lights : I really like the “running the red lights” as the central motif used to explore the problems in the relationship. Some of the language feels a bit informal (“We started off way too fast”, “I guess I left…") and thereby a little out of place. I think the chorus and the motif are stronger than the individual verses, especially the second, which doesn’t really develop the song in a new or interesting way and just repeats sentiments found elsewhere in the song. When you’re writing a song to tell a story, each part of the song should develop the story in a unique way or add some bit of information we haven’t seen yet. Like the cover a lot.

Hugamari - Ring-A-Round : I was gonna write “see last week’s review” but I guess that’s not really fair. BUT, I have the same critique for you: the structure and rhythm are great, but the words lack originality and passion. There’s too much cliche language (“I’m at wits end,” “cycle that never ends,” etc.) and the way you tell the listener so bluntly how you feel (“I feel trapped… I feel scared”) is too on-the-nose and lacks the subtlety and creativity I expect to see in the live shows.

ClarksonSlays - Ship In A Bottle : This is an interesting round for you because I feel like you have some of the creative language I expect from you here (in the last verse, the bridge, etc.), but the first half of the song feels much less original and the rhymes are easier and the language is more unnatural that many of your past entries. So I guess you could say the lines were mostly hit-or-miss for me. I do like the ship in a bottle metaphor, though the details get a bit confused since you’re in the bottle, then in a broken bottle (broken how? shattered? then it’s basically not a bottle anymore) and the metaphor felt a bit muddled at times.

JustLuke - Stuck With Me : This song has nice narrative movement between the verses, chorus, and bridge, which is something I really was looking for in this round. While the story develops nicely, a lot of the language felt kind of basic to me and some of the lines were just awkward or confusing; the first line of the chorus is repeated at the end and I’m not even sure what it’s saying exactly and how every little thing sticking with you has anything to do with being a loser and then not being one in the end. You typically have a few lines like this in your songs (another would be: “But I was the one who’d hit the floor”… Meaning what exactly?) so I’d say to keep an eye out next time for any lines that seem tangential to your song’s meaning or vague.

EuphorianSea - Tough Love : OMG, Jessie Ware’s Tough Love is one of my favorite songs of all-time! This song is not. But still, this was a pretty good song. Even if you stole the “die a thousand times” lyric from the second verse, I thought the first two verses were strongest. The third is awkwardly written and I would really just cut it. I liked the end of the bridge. The chorus is not the strongest part of the song to me because the first half feels very commonplace for this kind of story. But I like the “without x3” line. You definitely have a narrative here that helps move the song along, though it felt a little familiar; specific details could have helped make the story a bit more unique.

GotSkill - The Tree : The Tree?! Are you trying to copy Sam’s song from last season?! Most of the first verse is way more basic than I’m used to from you, but I really like how it ends. The idea in the chorus is cool (the tree as an objective correlative representing comfort) though it feels somewhat incomplete. It’s sort of…. hazy. The second verse feels rushed, though I’m glad you were able to pull from your recent life experiences to write it. The song does tell a story (especially in the second half) and doesn’t feel too ordinary like some of the other songs this week. BUT this is one of your weaker entries for me as its lacking the great imagery and language I’ve seen before.

Round 2 was the start of my decline

But does this tell a story? What’s the arc? I don’t think it does. You’re going home.

JustLuke - Stuck With Me : This song has nice narrative movement between the verses, chorus, and bridge, which is something I really was looking for in this round. While the story develops nicely, a lot of the language felt kind of basic to me and some of the lines were just awkward or confusing; the first line of the chorus is repeated at the end and I’m not even sure what it’s saying exactly and how every little thing sticking with you has anything to do with being a loser and then not being one in the end. You typically have a few lines like this in your songs (another would be: “But I was the one who’d hit the floor”… Meaning what exactly?) so I’d say to keep an eye out next time for any lines that seem tangential to your song’s meaning or vague.

Originally posted by EuphorianSea And nobody will read it

EuphorianSea - Tough Love : OMG, Jessie Ware’s Tough Love is one of my favorite songs of all-time! This song is not.

EuphorianSea - Tough Love : OMG, Jessie Ware’s Tough Love is one of my favorite songs of all-time! This song is not. But still, this was a pretty good song. Even if you stole the “die a thousand times” lyric from the second verse, I thought the first two verses were strongest. The third is awkwardly written and I would really just cut it. I liked the end of the bridge. The chorus is not the strongest part of the song to me because the first half feels very commonplace for this kind of story. But I like the “without x3” line. You definitely have a narrative here that helps move the song along, though it felt a little familiar; specific details could have helped make the story a bit more unique.

Not as bad as I expected

That one line did feel familiar ngl but idk where it came from so I just kept it

I appreciate your honesty

I only wrote the third verse because I did not know how to get rid of this bitch's boyfriend so I was like, oh yeah SUICIDE