Originally posted by keshaspearsxo Prayer triangle UFO and Era

Thanks everyone!

Btw Fefe who was the hint for? I can't tell.

Originally posted by dwuw I don't see the artist smashing with Embrace

You come across bitter and jealous seeing as though you haven't even read my song

Blooming Up Records

Liar (GotSkill) : This was very masculine aka very you. Nah, all joking aside, it feels like you just wrote a song instead of writing a song for this round. With some of this poetic, sophisticated vocabulary I cannot picture this being a country song nor a rap song. I’m not saying country music or rap music is inherently unsophisticated but it’s not in this way. I don’t think this song was bad at all, but the problem is you didn’t compromise your style at all besides mentioning the “Nebraska skies”

Matty Records

I’m Gay (JustLuke): My main problem with this is that there’s no subtlety. This may be really confusing but try to wrestle with the idea that sometimes not outright stating something actually takes away power from it. Like, what if in the chorus of Same Love, instead of singing “She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm” Mary Lambert sang “I’m a lesbian, I’m a lesbian!”? It’s not really as powerful. I’m also not so sure if Cat Venti would want this song. As a pop artist, this song would be surrounded by a lot of controversy, especially since I don’t know if she even is gay.

Mushy Gushy (8thPrince): This song felt a little bipolar. The verses are chock-full with vocabulary words and more complex ideas and then the chorus is mostly just “mushy mushy gushy”, with the longest word by far being “unhappy”. However, I did like the storyline of the song. I also like the repetition in the chorus, which when put in a song would make it stuck in your head for days on end. For what you were trying to achieve, a catchy pop song for Cat Venti, this is pretty solid! You definitely made the right choice in terms of which label to write for that would fit your style.

Forever in a Moment (Sam ): I felt like this was a little too simple. As a pro, I could easily see radio being fairly keen to this if it was promoted well and I can picture an aspiring pop girl singing it. What you’re missing (and I made this comment to like a million people this round because everyone is rightfully trying to write a hit song) is something memorable, something different that makes you stand out. This is obviously meant to be a generic song and that’s okay but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a little something. I don’t think generic means cliché, although some don’t share that opinion. For example, Feeling Myself is a fairly generic rap song but parts like “world stop… carry on” make it memorable. If I’m being unclear please tell me and I’ll try to do a better job explaining myself.

To You… (Hugamari): You definitely did what you were trying to do and kept it general. I feel the emotion when I got to the end and it was revealed more explicitly that the protagonist’s cohort was dead/dying. Unlike the songs of some competitors about tragic topics in similar veins, yours didn’t feel like you were exploiting anything for a knee-jerk reaction. Your intentions felt very genuine. However, outside of the topic of this song I didn’t feel like the lyrics were too great. They were pretty much all very simple, and things can be general without being so simple. A lot of the lyrics felt like they were buying time, waiting to get to the end of the song when the death is more clearly revealed. This is another comment that I gave to a lot of people this round, but make every line count. I think another thing that could help fight off this overarching feeling of simplicity is using more near rhymes, aka slant rhymes.

MonarC Records

Embrace (EuphorianSea) : Last round you found a good common ground for yourself between accessibility/simplicity and the metaphorical/complex. This round I feel like you went too far to the accessibility side. Of course, you had to given that you were writing for theoretical (or maybe not so theoretical) artist Lisa Butfest, but it was missing something different that would make it stand out just a little on the radio. With HAC and AC you can’t get too wild, but just something a little different so that people would remember it. A great place to put a line like that would be in the chorus. For instance if I just say to someone “It starts in my toes and it crinkles my nose” they would probably know what song I’m reciting. However, you did do a good job at harnessing your style back in order to fit Lisa Butfest’s needs.

Ferris Wheel (Era): Before I just your song I just want to say that your single cover is one of the most beautiful I’ve seen in Platinum Hit. Anyhow, onto the song. I feel like you did a great, great job at keeping things interesting and memorable while still writing something that could be played on the radio. It has complexity but not so much that it’s no longer a feel-good song, and the use of the ferris wheel as a symbol really works well at making it stick in someone’s mind. If I was fefe I would choose this song. Great work, keep it up!

Heartwater (keshapearsxo): Good job! You made the song very memorable with the H2O motif and especially with making that new term up, heartwater. The last two lines that comes from in the chorus is personally my favorite line. Lots of people this round, while succeeding with other things did not succeed as much with making their songs memorable. You made a song that has depth but is still happy and lighthearted, a song that is accessible yet not basic. You’ve had your share of good and bad songs, but keep up whatever technique you used to write this!

Truth Records

All Night (dwuw): I know that you’re trying to write a hit and honestly it’s okay to be trite sometimes when you’re writing a hit song. However, and this is in a lot of comments this round, a song needs something different in order to be memorable, and since it can’t be something in terms of the music like in a recorded song it has to be something in the lyrics. Some examples in your chosen genre include “I luh to get 2 on, I luh to get 2 on / When the drink be too strong, when the tree be way too strong” and “I ain’t got no type, bad bitches is the only thing that I like”. Lines like those will make your song more likely to be a hit because while it can still be generic it distinguishes itself from its peers. While it was not bad at all this song is a little plain.

Atari (DripDrip): You better not drag me #TympsHasFeelingsToo. Anyways you obviously dumbed it down a little for this round and while I can’t tell whether you’re doing it to spite us or doing it because you eventually accepted our feedback, it actually did work well! The theme of gaming and such made it memorable and I could picture the song in my head. A couple line do go a little overboard in terms of ridiculousness, though, like “You’re playing Candy crush with my heart” but overall I think it’s much improved since last round. Good job!

Ribcage (lovesong): Pretty good work. I like how the ribcage was used, it created an interesting feeling. However, outside of that part and a few other cool ideas (“And our bodies, they’re screaming”) I felt like there wasn’t much going on. For future songs, I want you to try going through your song and making sure every line counts. One way to “make lines count” is to make sure that there aren’t too many trite ideas, even in a pop song. Some examples in your song just so you can spot them in the future are “Lets fade into the night” and “Dreaming in the moonlight”. Almost anything with moonlight is trite for future reference. Also, I’m not so sure that these lyrics fit the sound Jhenashe was going for? Of course it’s hard to tell without music but this isn’t really what the challenge description described. I guess Truth Teller will be the judge of that, though.

Take A Bow (Buyonce1814): It does sound like an urban song fit for Jhenashe! I liked some lines too; for instance, “Encores over, bye bye, ciao” really captivated me for some reason, and sounds like it would slay in the real song. And there is a lot, a lot of personality. However, this song feels too silly to be a recorded song. Some examples of this con would be spelling out OMG and “boo hoo hoo”. Some lines also don’t make much sense or are just repeating themselves, like “Great job playing the character that you portrayed” and “No, not your side-line chick, I meant them ripped up bags”. If you think I’m missing something obvious in these lines just reply to this judging and explain them, I’m only confused by the meaning of the second one. Overall this was not the best work I’ve seen from you, I know you can do better!

The Next Time (Jezang Looz): I know the judging panel is often slammed for missing things like this but I’m just not getting the rhyme scheme for parts of the verses. None of the first four lines of Verse 1 rhyme, for instance, which is weird. Also, everything feels very simple. Simplicity is okay and of course necessary to an extent but in this case the song kind of passed me by. There wasn’t a part of this that was something that I would take away. I’ve noticed in your style that you’re very focused on popular music, but you sometimes suffer from a problem that a lot of pop songwriters have in this game, which is making your songs still stand out even when you’re writing something very marketable. Try to achieve a balance. I don’t mean to be unhelpful but this isn’t something I can directly help you with; you kind of need to find your own way. Once you can do that you’ll get to the next level.

On Loving for the First Time (swiftie13): I love songs like this that bring a certain level of emotional meaning to sex and related acts. I really like how you had that subtle motif of starting lines with the -ing form of verbs; it makes the song feel very stable and grounded. Overall I just thought this was really cute. Something about this really just brought up feeling. I never have been in love, but if I was I feel like this song would really exemplify that feeling. Personally I think this is the best work I’ve seen from you so far. Keep it up, and try to access what you wrote this song with for future songs!

Fuckboys (Eros): Yaass call out the fuckboys! I hate those little bitches so much, gather them! This song definitely stood out and the line “You know I don’t f*ck with no f*ckboys” is über catchy. That spoken outro was also really cute and I can imagine it slaying, even though normally spoken outros are tacky. I can also 100% think of a singer like Jhenashe singing this and slaying it, it fits the genre and sound you were going for very well. This song is honestly kind of a hot mess but really that’s the beauty of it. Good work.

Originally posted by EuphorianSea You come across bitter and jealous seeing as though you haven't even read my song

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo We did it

We are the next Bonnie McKee, Max Martin and Dr Luke

The ultimate dream team

Like, what if in the chorus of Same Love, instead of singing “She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm” Mary Lambert sang “I’m a lesbian, I’m a lesbian!”?

On Loving for the First Time (swiftie13): I love songs like this that bring a certain level of emotional meaning to sex and related acts. I really like how you had that subtle motif of starting lines with the -ing form of verbs; it makes the song feel very stable and grounded. Overall I just thought this was really cute. Something about this really just brought up feeling. I never have been in love, but if I was I feel like this song would really exemplify that feeling. Personally I think this is the best work I’ve seen from you so far. Keep it up, and try to access what you wrote this song with for future songs!

“She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm” Mary Lambert sang “I’m a lesbian, I’m a lesbian!”

THIS IS THE BEST REVIEW I HAVE EVER RECEIVED OMG NO ONE TOUCH ME

Thank youuuu soooooo much Tymps I also took your advice abt not changing lines in the chorus this time

Like, what if in the chorus of Same Love, instead of singing “She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm” Mary Lambert sang “I’m a lesbian, I’m a lesbian!”?

Thank you Tymps! I know what you mean.

It sort of stayed on the same level throughout, I should've spiced it up.

Originally posted by dwuw You come across as not knowing how to take a joke