Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
 Batch #2Nait Phoenix - A Part of Me : Much of the language here was very ordinary and some of it was even a bit clunky (fend off on my own) which surprised me a little. I’m not sure if you have the structure this way on purpose, but getting to the chorus so late is a bit odd, though I suppose that’s a matter of preference; I want the chorus to hit earlier.
dwuw - Around The Fire : The pre-chorus is superfluous. I like the variation in the verses (with the same first line) but “You were making me go out of my brain” is my least favorite line this round, and what are the various glasses you have inside of a bottle?
swiftie13 - Butterflies : Did you fill this song with MC references on purpose or by accident? Anyway, the verses are wordy and clunky at times but I think that there’s at least a coherent theme and the chorus isn’t bad.
Battleground - JustLuke : This song was all over the place; in the first verse you’re falling off a bridge (and lighting matches) and in the chorus you’re holding onto a rope. This is too much. This song needs to be streamlined and decluttered. The second verse and bridge lacked subtlety.
lovesong - Birdsong : I like the tone and title, but the language in this was mostly tortured. If you’re using odd syntactical constructions (i.e. subject/predicate reversal in: “The life in you I heard”) consider if that’s necessary or it’s making the language feel strained.
Jezang Looz - Broken Wounds : The title is a real problem. Anyway, you’re definitely thinking outside the box here, but the execution is still subpar. A narrative is OK, but this is just a list of things happening in a row.
The Original High - Don’t Hold Your Breath : The verses are cool, but the chorus is the only part I felt was kind of cliche, and the chorus should be the best part of the song.
HausofNiko - Fairy Tale : It probably won’t be too shocking for you to hear that I think this is rather cheesy. Despite the fantasy motif, it feels flat. The first two lines are the worst in the song, and it’s never good to start a song that way.
Eros - Lucid Control : What are “auditory sights”? How is a human being a “shapeless figure”? Why is the control “lucid,” meaning ‘expressed clearly’? This song has a lot of language that I think wants to be deep or interesting but it makes it confusing.
pears - Music for the Deaf : The rhythm in the chorus is nice, but so many of these lyrics have me scratching my head: a chokehold on AIR? “Fall in love with he”?
Pecinta Mariah - One : The end of the chorus was nice. I like the idea of the refrain in the verses, but “shady…shady…” just doesn’t work for me considering the word’s context. And while this might sound hypocritical coming from me, this felt too short/insubstantial.
Era - Perfect Storm : I like this song more for its ideas than execution; the unconventional images work at times, but other times the language is just awkward (isn’t all so spelled) and the rhyming was usually very easy.
Musickid203 - Red River : The rhythm is all over the place—look at the first line of the 2nd verse; there’s no one someone can sing that smoothly. A.I.D. is not a thing and can NOT be invented for the sake of your forced rhyme. Why is cutting described as a “rip”? This was like “What Would You Do” by City High but with a lot of language that was either ungrammatical or awkward and some of it felt a bit too unsympathetic.
Buyonce1814 - Sanity : I liked the “ok” refrain (though I get the feeling other judges might not) and what it reveals about the singer/speaker. But then the verse comes in and there are problems in almost every line: “were declined”; how does an active verb work here? Who is declining? “The feeling I had felt” is tautological. Dirt is throw “towards” your face? So not at it, just in the general direction? This was one of the more cohesive entries this week but I didn’t feel a lot of care was given to word choice.
GotSkill - Through the Night : I like the chorus. The headlights imagery is OBVS lifted from “Style” and I don’t know why the lights are shining “through somber skies” — it this a flying car? The “volume” line is the worst rhyme I’ve seen from you yet and mars the 2nd verse, which is actually pretty good.
EuphorianSea - Tug of War : “I’m always one, never a ten.” I love how clear it is that this song is about you. Speaking of ONE, rhyme “broken” with “unbroken” again and I’m giving you a 1. Anyway, I really liked the variation between the rhythm in the chorus and the verses. The bridge was unnecessary and wings are PART of a bird.
BlueM - Wrecked Inside : I guess you can get the most improved award from me this week, considering where you fall in my ranking this week compared to last week. You wrote about a somewhat familiar concept in an interesting way. I mean, it was sorta like Leona’s Lovebird, but I still liked it, even with some of the language was basic and the rhymes were easy.
8thPrince - Zig Zag : I think you fit your theme well and I liked the schizophrenic nature. Some of the language didn’t work for me. WAVE of light? Hair and guitar strings are radically different. It’s like I liked the idea behind the language, but sometimes the execution was slipshod. |
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Y'all don't understand.
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Ruthless