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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 8,787
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TT your review made my day 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by moijejoue
Good Morning guys.
Here's a song I wrote:
ROME
Utterance of ignorance
An overdose of pride
Distasteful belligerence
Opposing souls collide
You're not the man I once knew
No longer your Mona Lisa smile
Just an image that's been chewed
Up and broken down by our own bile
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapse like Rome
VERSE #2
I'm from Venus. You're from Mars.
We're a travesty written in the stars
I a peasant. You a tyrant..
We paint a picture so vibrant
Can we rise from the ashes of Pompeii
Can we ignite a renaissance
Can we pray to see another day
And rest peacefully in ensconce
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapses like Rome
VERSE #3
Vini, Vidi, Vici
We danced through the inferno
Seven seas of misery
Satan plays decrescendo
I sung songs of my guilt
Repented for my free will
I learned faith as a non believer
So why'd you do me in like Caesar?
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapse like Rome
OUTRO
When it's all said and done
And we've been reduced to a shell
Blood, sweat, and tears weren't in vain
And I forever wish you well…
Please rate it and tell me what you think. Tnx.
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There are a few technical issues (syllables, rhymes, etc.), but there is something really fascinating about your writing.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
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Tug Of War (EuphorianSea) : By far your best entry so far. First of all, this is the the closest you've ever been to perfecting your meter, stressing and rhyming. Secondly, I loved the general approach of presenting insecurity as a tug of war with you in both sides, I thought that was a great image to build the song around. And last but not least, there were many quality standout lines. I liked the intensity of "something from inside holds me back and I'm scared" and I also loved "I fear fear itself", although it might not sound good if your melody doesn't allow some sort of gap between the verb fear and the noun fear, but whatever, I liked the line. Now, there are still some details that need work. I didn't necessarily love the broken - unbroken rhyme. Also, "I run towards, towards my home / Where the insecurities grow" : watch the stressing, it's messed up here.
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Omfgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
UNIVERSAL ACCLAIM
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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TT's Top 10 (+ pairs):
#1 lovesong (Musickid203)
#2 conatus
#3 Sam
#4 DripDrip
#5 8thPrince
#6 Euphorian (inuborg)
#7 Hugamari
#8 Era (GotSkill)
#9 Clarkson
#10 swiftie13 (The Original High)
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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If I manage to stay, I will try my very hardest to improve next week
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Okay, I'm gonna give this hint thing a shot because my reviews this week were tragic since I wrote them while I was half-asleep
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
TT's Top 10
#1 lovesong
#2 conatus
#3 Sam
#4 DripDrip
#5 8thPrince
#6 Euphorian
#7 Hugamari
#8 Era
#9 Clarkson
#10 swiftie13
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Mess at me making it. Irreplaceable's flop wig is about to be snatched.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Now if I could just figure out a way to come up with a good idea on giving hints
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by MattyTacos
Okay, I'm gonna give this hint thing a shot because my reviews this week were tragic since I wrote them while I was half-asleep
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Judging from some of this songs this week, you and some of the other girls have writing things while half-asleep in common.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Era
TT your review made my day |
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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My eyes are ejaculating
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Judging from some of this songs this week, you and some of the other girls have writing things while half-asleep in common.
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AKkskskgal, ruthless.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
TT's Top 10 (+ pairs):
#1 lovesong (Musickid203)
#2 conatus
#3 Sam
#4 DripDrip
#5 8thPrince
#6 Euphorian (inuborg)
#7 Hugamari
#8 Era (GotSkill)
#9 Clarkson
#10 swiftie13 (The Original High)
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Updated with pairs since Huga was interested.
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Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 1,893
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
There are a few technical issues (syllables, rhymes, etc.), but there is something really fascinating about your writing.
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I'm working on those issues. It's probably gonna take a while before I grasp it. Anyway, thanks.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Judging from some of this songs this week, you and some of the other girls have writing things while half-asleep in common.
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@ me nextt time bitch
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Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 1,893
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Quote:
Originally posted by moijejoue
Good Morning guys.
Here's a song I wrote:
ROME
Utterance of ignorance
An overdose of pride
Distasteful belligerence
Opposing souls collide
You're not the man I once knew
No longer your Mona Lisa smile
Just an image that's been chewed
Up and broken down by our own bile
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapse like Rome
VERSE #2
I'm from Venus. You're from Mars.
We're a travesty written in the stars
I a peasant. You a tyrant..
We paint a picture so vibrant
Can we rise from the ashes of Pompeii
Can we ignite a renaissance
Can we pray to see another day
And rest peacefully in ensconce
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapses like Rome
VERSE #3
Vini, Vidi, Vici
We danced through the inferno
Seven seas of misery
Satan plays decrescendo
I sung songs of my guilt
Repented for my free will
I learned faith as a non believer
So why'd you do me in like Caesar?
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapse like Rome
OUTRO
When it's all said and done
And we've been reduced to a shell
Blood, sweat, and tears weren't in vain
And I forever wish you well…
Please rate it and tell me what you think. Tnx.
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Lè Bump
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 13,381
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Btw, just gonna do hints based off my top 5
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Thanks Truthy, I feel... at peace.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 12,955
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Quote:
Originally posted by moijejoue
Good Morning guys.
Here's a song I wrote:
ROME
Utterance of ignorance
An overdose of pride
Distasteful belligerence
Opposing souls collide
You're not the man I once knew
No longer your Mona Lisa smile
Just an image that's been chewed
Up and broken down by our own bile
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapse like Rome
VERSE #2
I'm from Venus. You're from Mars.
We're a travesty written in the stars
I a peasant. You a tyrant..
We paint a picture so vibrant
Can we rise from the ashes of Pompeii
Can we ignite a renaissance
Can we pray to see another day
And rest peacefully in ensconce
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapses like Rome
VERSE #3
Vini, Vidi, Vici
We danced through the inferno
Seven seas of misery
Satan plays decrescendo
I sung songs of my guilt
Repented for my free will
I learned faith as a non believer
So why'd you do me in like Caesar?
CHORUS
No pillar strong enough for the two of us
One must make it out alive
Which gladiator will bite the dust?
Who's brave enough to take the dive?
Just face it, we're too stubborn
Decomposing into rubble
What must we call home
When hearts collapse like Rome
OUTRO
When it's all said and done
And we've been reduced to a shell
Blood, sweat, and tears weren't in vain
And I forever wish you well…
Please rate it and tell me what you think. Tnx.
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This is why you shouldn't have been eliminated and I hope the judges see this 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
@ me nextt time bitch
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Not you.
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