This is missing something really strong that sets it apart. I didn’t feel like I could emotionally connect to this song.
I know that there is missing something. It didn't feel genuine enough, but this may because it wasn't my feelings for what happened to that person weren't strong enough and it only came into my mind because I wasn't having any other ideas. I agree if I should write a song with that kind of concept I should have used better words, not the same cliche that we see on well, almost any song that involves a sad story or a tragedy.
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