Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 3,551
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Beyoncé drops 6 new albums + 2 documentaries + Greek Yogurts
before y'all report me just know this is an article from Clickhole, and that it is hilarious
God Help Us: Last Night Beyoncé Dropped 6 New Albums, 2 Full-Length Documentaries, A Parenting Book, And A Line Of Greek Yogurts
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Beyoncé fans, clear your schedules, because Queen Bey dropped over 20 hours of brand-new content last night, plus a line of Greek yogurt, several books, a bike prototype that makes pedaling up hills easier, harmonicas for children, and much more.
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All six of Beyoncé’s new, terrifyingly incredible albums come with music videos for every track (approximately 92 in total). Jesus Christ. While 60 of the songs are in the vein of the upbeat-but-complex pop music she’s known for, the dozens of others comprise music that can be described as alt-country, coldwave, and spoken-word poetry. So far, everything we’ve heard is amazing, but Mary mother of ****ing God.
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As the internet struggled to sort out the wealth of Bey gifts, thousands of beleaguered Bey fans were already lining up at supermarkets this morning to get Sasha Protein Greek Yogurt while wearily listening to all 18 hours of Beyoncé music and four new hours of stand-up comedy she released. Dear God, let it stop, even just for a few hours.
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UPDATE: Beyoncé has just released a new line of Vitamin D supplements, a fashionable child harness, and a two-week cruise to the Bahamas captained by her personally. May God have mercy on our souls.
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