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Discussion: Bisexuals of ATRL, how do u measure your gay vs. straight %?
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 19,477
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Bisexuals of ATRL, how do u measure your gay vs. straight %?
ORIGINAL QUESTION: Bisexuals of ATRL, do you plan on telling the opposite sex about your sexuality?
In other words, do you plan on coming out to them about the fact that you're also attracted to the same-sex? Or are you going to keep it a secret?
Non-bisexuals: do you think it's ethical for bisexuals to keep their sexuality (and any potential same-sex ex-lovers) a secret from their partners?
I find it interesting that male bisexuals often say "I'm bi" to gay guys on dating apps before they've even said "hello" or told you their name. I highly doubt they're doing the same thing to girls on tinder.
NEW QUESTION: Bisexuals of ATRL, how do you measure your gay/straight percentage?
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Member Since: 5/4/2011
Posts: 20,807
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Yeah. I don't define myself by my sexuality, but my sexuality is important enough to me that I'm pretty upfront about it to potential partners, as I don't want to hide it. Another reason I tell them is out of courtesy to them, that way they know what they're dealing with (and I can see if they're okay with it) and we can go from there.
I do the same for potential same-sex partners, too.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 3,576
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I think its important to establish the fact that you've been with both sexes to whoever you're talking to.. it should definitely not be the first thing.
In fact I normally tell people I'm gay (instead of using the term bisexual), though I'm attracted to and have been with women just because its simpler to say that.
I don't think the majority of people are able to wrap their heads around bisexuality yet, until gays are fully accepted tbh
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Banned
Member Since: 3/7/2012
Posts: 8,365
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Yes i always let them know upfront 
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Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 19,477
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Secondary question, is it ethical for straight girls to not want to date a guy who says he's bisexual (or break up with a guy after he comes out as bisexual) for fear that he's using it as a stepping stone to fully coming out?
Obviously it's wrong if she's just homophobic and doesn't want to be with someone who's bi. But if she suspects that he's really gay and hasn't fully accepted it, then is it ok for her to see that as a reason to dump him/not date him?
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Member Since: 5/7/2012
Posts: 41,067
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This is gonna sound stupid but I'm always wary of telling guys I'm bisexual because I'm afraid they'll fetishize my sexuality and just see me as "the bisexual girl" and think that I'm promiscuous or always down for threesomes or stupid **** like that. It seems easier to just conveniently leave that fact out although obviously I couldn't hide it forever.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 3,576
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rihinvention
Secondary question, is it ethical for straight girls to not want to date a guy who says he's bisexual (or break up with a guy after he comes out as bisexual) for fear that he's using it as a stepping stone to fully coming out?
Obviously it's wrong if she's just homophobic and doesn't want to be with someone who's bi. But if she suspects that he's really gay and hasn't fully accepted it, then is it ok for her to see that as a reason to dump him/not date him?
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I think there are a lot of girls who wouldn't date guys who've been with guys, but obviously they aren't for you if they can't understand who you are and accept you for that.
That's why I don't immediately throw that out there to my guy/girl unless we are really talking, not just some little fling.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 58,053
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I usually dont tell them straight up.
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Member Since: 3/6/2014
Posts: 13,097
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Quote:
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Non-bisexuals: do you think it's ethical for bisexuals to keep their sexuality (and any potential same-sex ex-lovers) a secret from their partners?
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I wouldn't really care whether or not they told me, unless we were getting married or in a longterm relationship than I guess I would want to know.
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Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 19,477
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Quote:
Originally posted by LKV.
I think there are a lot of girls who wouldn't date guys who've been with guys, but obviously they aren't for you if they can't understand who you are and accept you for that.
That's why I don't immediately throw that out there to my guy/girl unless we are really talking, not just some little fling.
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I think that's wise. I never reply to guys who say "Hey, you bi?" or "Hi, I'm bi. U?" or just "Bi?" on Grindr/Scruff. I just ignore them, or block them. I think if you're genuinely bisexual, it shouldn't be the first thing to come out of your mouth, but it also shouldn't be something you let them know like a year into a relationship when you're in too deep and they might not be ok with it. I think it should be made known in the first few weeks of dating, during the initial "getting to know each other" stage.
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Member Since: 5/4/2011
Posts: 20,807
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Quote:
Originally posted by Guernica
This is gonna sound stupid but I'm always wary of telling guys I'm bisexual because I'm afraid they'll fetishize my sexuality and just see me as "the bisexual girl" and think that I'm promiscuous or always down for threesomes or stupid **** like that. It seems easier to just conveniently leave that fact out although obviously I couldn't hide it forever.
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Doesn't sound stupid at all. The **** we have to deal with sometimes. 
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 7,248
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Quote:
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Non-bisexuals: do you think it's ethical for bisexuals to keep their sexuality (and any potential same-sex ex-lovers) a secret from their partners?
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Honestly speaking, my partner being into women would worry me, given all of societies' pressures and the relative ease of opposite sex relationships compared to same sex.
I think that means I'd rather not know, innocence is bliss and all that.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 3,576
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nonchalant
Honestly speaking, my partner being into women would worry me, given all of societies' pressures and the relative ease of opposite sex relationships compared to same sex.
I think that means I'd rather not know, innocence is bliss and all that.
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Being bisexual doesn't mean you aren't faithful, thats just another stereotype. If a man wants to cheat, he will, regardless of his sexuality lol
Quote:
Originally posted by Rihinvention
I think that's wise. I never reply to guys who say "Hey, you bi?" or "Hi, I'm bi. U?" or just "Bi?" on Grindr/Scruff. I just ignore them, or block them. I think if you're genuinely bisexual, it shouldn't be the first thing to come out of your mouth, but it also shouldn't be something you let them know like a year into a relationship when you're in too deep and they might not be ok with it. I think it should be made known in the first few weeks of dating, during the initial "getting to know each other" stage.
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yes, I agree with you totally.
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Banned
Member Since: 4/13/2011
Posts: 18,738
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Once before I started dating guys again (last year) I told the girl I was seeing that I went through a "phase", and she didn't have any problem with it. But! It wasn't a phase, after all.
Anyhow, if I do happen to start seeing a woman she'll probably be sexually open too. One of those non-shaving artsy types.
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Member Since: 11/15/2011
Posts: 5,947
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rihinvention
...about your sexuality? In other words, do you plan on coming out to them about the fact that you're also attracted to the same-sex? Or are you going to keep it a secret?
Non-bisexuals: do you think it's ethical for bisexuals to keep their sexuality (and any potential same-sex ex-lovers) a secret from their partners?
I find it interesting that male bisexuals often say "I'm bi" to gay guys on dating apps before they've even said "hello" or told you their name. I highly doubt they're doing the same thing to girls on tinder.
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This is so true. That or they'll say they're a closeted bi. I think they should reveal this info to their current bf/gf if it's getting serious at the least...
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 10,523
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Well, I do tell them right away now because it just flat out saves me some time.
Some people just tell me they won't date me because they are scared I'll cheat on them, which is absolutely ridiculous, specially men just refuse to date me because they think i'll just dump them and settle down with a wife and a family eventually? I don't understand how people go there when I tell them I'm bi but they do.
The stories I could tell, lord.
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Member Since: 8/25/2012
Posts: 3,788
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rihinvention
Secondary question, is it ethical for straight girls to not want to date a guy who says he's bisexual (or break up with a guy after he comes out as bisexual) for fear that he's using it as a stepping stone to fully coming out?
Obviously it's wrong if she's just homophobic and doesn't want to be with someone who's bi. But if she suspects that he's really gay and hasn't fully accepted it, then is it ok for her to see that as a reason to dump him/not date him?
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its totally awful for someone to not date someone just because theyre bi...i honestly dont see why it matter, its not like they're gay, they still like girls. And just assuming that when a person tells you that theyre bi that theyre actually gay is also biphobic.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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I would, but not right away. I wouldn't be comfortable knowing that someone might be judging me without getting to know me first.
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Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 19,477
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Quote:
Originally posted by GlitterfiedCyrus
its totally awful for someone to not date someone just because theyre bi...i honestly dont see why it matter, its not like they're gay, they still like girls. And just assuming that when a person tells you that theyre bi that theyre actually gay is also biphobic.
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But I'm saying what if the girl suspects that he might be gay for multiple reasons, not just the fact that he's told her he's bi. For example, he spends all his free time on a forum that discusses female pop stars, where other gays form fan bases (similar to sporting teams) and then fight with the fans of other female pop stars over which female pop star has the greatest legacy.
There's multiple reasons to suspect someone might actually be gay. And many young gay guys say they're bi as a stepping stone to fully coming out. Myself included. Consequently that discredits the believability of the actual bisexuals, who will still be identifying as bisexual in their 30s and 40s.
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Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 19,477
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rihinvention
For example, he spends all his free time on a forum that discusses female pop stars, where other gays form fan bases (similar to sporting teams) and then fight with the fans of other female pop stars over which female pop star has the greatest legacy.
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Drag us.
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