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Discussion: F*** My Life
Member Since: 11/30/2007
Posts: 26,796
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No, I'm not having another meltdown. It is the name of one of the funniest websites I have ever seen in my life. Basically, what it is, is about average people posting a paragraph about why their lives suck or just a weird moment in their lives. Actually, it is just about one bad thing that happened with that person's life recently. It's funny, because you can't really tell if a person is making something up or if it is really true, because these stories are so funny. However, some of these stories are sad, so don't abuse your laughter. You guys can check out that site at www.fmylife.com and either have a laugh or submit your sob story. Here are some examples of what people have written:
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Today, I was doing my usual routine at the gym which consists of working out on the treadmills right in front of my ex boyfriend to make him feel bad. Whilst doing this, I tried to be cool and do that thing where as the treadmill slows down you turn around and just walk off the end. I fell.
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Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs.
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Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession.
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Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered.
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Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway."
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 You thought those were funny? Check this out:
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Today, I jokingly told my Mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's honey!"
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Member Since: 10/5/2008
Posts: 2,938
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There's a thread like this on an another forum site. That fmylife site's hilarious!
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Member Since: 7/14/2008
Posts: 1,643
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Member Since: 4/23/2007
Posts: 16,416
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LMFAO  I feel bad for their lives. 
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Member Since: 8/24/2008
Posts: 40,932
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OMG @ THIS ONE:
Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway."
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Member Since: 7/24/2006
Posts: 4,281
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 Bookmarked. I love it.
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Member Since: 3/2/2008
Posts: 14,823
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Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign.
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Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain.
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Karma 
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Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis.
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Oh SNAP! 
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Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?'
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 Nice mother.
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Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails.
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Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop.
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I LOVE this site!
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Member Since: 10/23/2008
Posts: 4,113
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Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11.
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Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for valentines day. It looks better on her.
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Today, My boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32.
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Today I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial comes on with the hot chick saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walks in and says "See honey, you still have a chance."
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Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas's voice...coming from my phone. I am 40 years old.
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Today I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment and I told her I didn't have a condom. She responded by laughing in my face and upon realizing my look of confusion said "Oh, you actually thought I'd have sex with you?"
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Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter.
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Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he leaves. I waited 5, in the card it said "it's not working out, but here's 20$"
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Member Since: 4/23/2007
Posts: 16,416
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"Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas's voice...coming from my phone. I am 40 years old."
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Member Since: 10/23/2008
Posts: 4,113
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Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy.
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Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet **** I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it.
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Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant"
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Today, I went to my boyfriend’s work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, “Just this fat chick I know”
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I love this site
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Member Since: 12/12/2004
Posts: 17,160
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Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain.
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omg!  These cant be real?!
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Member Since: 1/22/2005
Posts: 13,429
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lol, my friend showed me this site the other day.
Hilarious.
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Member Since: 5/1/2007
Posts: 15,659
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Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not." FML
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Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML
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Member Since: 4/23/2007
Posts: 16,416
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This **** is really funny, but everyone writes so correctly that I'm having doubts this is real stuff.
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Member Since: 1/9/2009
Posts: 3,553
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I couldn't stop LMFAO @ this
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Does anybody think that's true. If it is, then it's very disturbing.
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Member Since: 4/23/2007
Posts: 16,416
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LMAO looks like the mom thought he was crying because he injured his hand or something.
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Member Since: 1/9/2009
Posts: 3,553
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^ IKR. His mom seems nice lol
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Member Since: 8/27/2006
Posts: 4,802
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Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob (I don't normally do it because I have a fear of getting squirt in the eye). Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bite the wrong spot and get lemon juice shot right into my eye. FML
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Lol.
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Today, I thought it was yesterday, I went to school for nothing. FML
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Reminded me about my sister running out of the house at 5 pm since she thought she was late to school.
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Today, I carefully approached my boyfriend from behind and put my hands on his eyes saying: “Who’s there?” he answered: “Mary? Camilla? Kate? ». Annoyed, I said « You lose; it’s your beloved one… ». After a while, he said « Oh! Amanda! ». My name is Chloe.
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he's f***ed.
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Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone's trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I go onto my balcony and ask in a loud voice if everything's ok and if she needs anything. Her and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're ****ing, go away".
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 awkward
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Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp.
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hehe sucks.
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Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing.
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Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit.
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That's disgusting.
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Today I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites- and ended up meeting my own girlfriend.
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Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me.
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Kinda like the time I went to a class field trip and my classmate fell asleep on my shoulder and drooled on me............
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Today, I was at my friend's younger brother's birthday party, who also happens to be deaf. His father gave him a bat and a blindfold and the boy started swinging away at what he thought was the pinata. Unfortunately, he could not see or hear anyone shouting to stop hitting his father.
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holy s***!
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Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a Moderator, instead, I got banned.
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FAIL
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Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team.
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Today, I just had sex with this random guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs.
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Sucks....
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Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number.
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How sad...lol.
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Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird ****.
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Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard.
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Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean".
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Holy s***,
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Banned
Member Since: 11/3/2005
Posts: 18,439
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Today, I jokingly told my Mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's honey!"
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I LOVE IT
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Member Since: 6/30/2007
Posts: 18,079
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Today, I jokingly told my Mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's honey!"
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DEATH!!!
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