The whole thing sounds like a ghetto-ass graduation, where the girls refuse to put on their caps and instead opted to tie Louis Vuitton rags over their doobies, while the boys Toe-Wop'd and Yayo Danced merrily as they receive their G.E.D.'s, emblazoned with two half-off Coupons for Popeyes. You can just SMELL the cocoa butter here.
Bob Ritchie: HEY! HEY, AMERICA!!!!!111
America: YES, Kid Rock?
Bob Ritchie: Didja, didja know I'm trailer trash America?! HUH, HUH?! DIDJA DIDJA!?!
America: Yes, Kid. We know, we know.
5. Yung Berg feat. Casha, "The Business"
LMAOLMAOLMAO. Oh, what a great year to watch a nobody sink further into oblivion this was. CASE IN POINT: Yung Berg, rent-a-rapper who narrowly escaped my venom on last year's list with "Sexy Lady", made sure to reserve a spot on this year's shitlist with this, a **** anthem that had the cellphones of every abortion clinic bird on fire over the summer. In the ever complex chorus, some bird whines and practically begs, mouth open for "the business". Ironically, it seems Bergie was the one getting all the business into 2008...and they were business-ing this ***** HARD...let's run down all the great **** that happened to him this year:
1. Look What You Made Me, his debut album featuring 15 ****** tracks of diarrhea in audio form, bricks after a year's delay.
2. He get his Transformers (WHAT AN INVESTMENT, BERGIE ) chain robbed from him and never returned, thus canceling out his impressive track record of ringtone sales, where even then,he's prince alongside kings like Hurricane Chris and Shop Boyz.
3."Hi Hater" prodigy Maino rocks his **** at a club. The rapper later claimed Berg "came at him wrong". BROOKLYN BEEF? berg got that.
4. Ne-Yo, (NE-YO, FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD ) announces his desire to "three-finger-smack" Berg. And when NE-YO () comes at you, the fat lady done SANG Bergie. Give Bow Wow his sw...his SW... HIS SWAG back and throw in the towel, sweetie, You're done-zo.
4. Cassie feat. Lil' Wayne, "Official Girl"
Nasty nasty nasty nasty. In an oh-so-inspired attempt to revive her caree...well, the song is all types of hot mess. Crappie Ventura's head game is probably wack as hell, judging by the ****** beat stellar producer threw at her. Said beat, if you listen closely enough, ain't even aligned with Cassie's "vocals" correctly. I WILL hand it to her though: her satisfaction with her indentured servitude is palpable in these lyrics in which the sing...ER...MODEL laments over not being unnamed man's wifey do much as homeboy's 2nd favorite jump on MyFaves (y'know, whenever Aubrey's asleep/eating/breathing through her mouth).
AWWWWWWW, LA POBRE. Poor Cathy. I feel her pain. I mean, at least J. Lo got the title of girlfriend before she became Diddy's go-to-cumbucket. DIDDY
3. The Killers, "Human"
Are we human, or are we dancer? OH. MY. ****. It's bad enough Brandon Flowers and his rag tag gang of fairies already started to irk me with those two singles from Sawdust, but HONESTLY, does it get any gayer than this?!?!? No, No way, no how.
If the ghosts of Liberacce and Versace threw a white party inside your ass charging KY jelly at the door, and every man in the world was in a line waiting to get inside, gerbil in hand, it would be LIGHTYEARS more heterosexual than this.
2. Enrique Iglesias, "Donde Estan Corazon"
Never before this year have I been so bothered by a speech impediment. I mean I've come across many stutterers in my lifetime and have met hoodrats, who, even if you laced it into their crack rocks, won't EVER be able to decipher the great mystery between "WAS" AND "WERE", but thith jutht shot me in the heart and wonded me. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I BEEN MORE ANNOYED WITH A LISP THAN THIS SONG.
THUFFERIN THUCKATAZZ ANA KOURNIKOVA, AI KAHN PRONOUNTH THE LETTER ETTHHHHHHH! ****ing snake ass *****, talking to me in that Parseltongue riffraff. Get the **** off the radio, and into a special ed class with all the other 'tards. And take Tython with you, foo.
And now....for my #1 most loathed, despised, HATED song of 2008...DRUMROLL PLEASE!
[B]1. RIHANNA, "TAKE A BOW"[/B]
*sigh*
If someone were ever to even ATTEMPT to explain to me, the logic and depth of this chunk of ass, I'm positiive that I'd down 3 bottles of Ex-Lax, let it all out into a glass pitcher and then throw the pitcher into their face, shards of glass and fecal matter por toda parte. Then I would spit a catarro right onto their nose, as the icing on the cake.
HOW. DARE. YOU. America's system of checks and balances, divine intervention and DEF JAM?!?!? How could you unleash such a bastardization of art, music, and human FEELING unto the world considering the sad state we're in???
*pauses
Then inhales.
Then exhales.
(repeats four more times)*
OK. What the Joe 6-Packs and all the other collective speds of the popular music listening populace fail to comprehend was, that this song is a genius-level intricately woven patch of ****, and a mockery of the trite emotion of every song written before it. And I quote:
Quote:
Originally posted by Satan's lullaby
whoa.
how bout a round of applause.
yeah.
standing ovation.
yeah, yeahyeayeaYEAH.
you look so dumb right now.
standing outside my house.
trying to apologize / you're so ugly when you cry
PLEASE!
just knock it off
Dear reader, you haven't the slightest idea of how hard I used to laugh the first couple times I heard this ****. It's...it's like a Katt Williams routine set to music. PURE GENIUS, don't get me wrong.
AND THE AWARD FOR THE BIGGEST FOOLS GO TO YOU, AMERICA!! What saddens me about all of this was the everyday person's interpretation of "Take A Bow". Girls set this as their profile song on MySpace, quoted select lines in their aways and sang it out in the open like nothing. ATTENTION EVERYDAY *****S AND BITCHES: THIS IS ON THE SAME LEVEL IF NOT LESS SERIOUS THAN ANYTHING IN 'WEIRD' AL YANKOVIC'S ENTIRE CATALOG. IF THIS SONG DOESN'T EVOKE LAUGHTER FROM YOU, START THE SONG OVER AND READ THE DIRECTIONS ACCORDINGLY. "TAKE A BOW" LAUGHS AT ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS AND CREATES NEW PROBLEMS FOR THE HUMAN RACE EVERYTIME WE TRIUMPH OVER ONE ANOTHER. IT'S YOUR MOTHER'S BREAST CANCER, YOUR BOYFRIEND'S DIABETES, YOUR CHILD'S DOWN SYNDROME.
First and foremost, brothers and sisters of the year-end, the party, THE EXPERIENCE known as 100%A and nothing BUT 100%A, I urge you to play the following video while looking at the rest of the thread. *waits*
STRAP ON YOUR SEATBELTS.
PUT ON A HELMET, ELBOW PADS AND KNEE PADS.
LUBE UP THAT BUTTPLUG, BABY.
(cuz you about to get ****ed )
it. begins. NOW!
100.
I know what y'all are thinking..."how could I have possibly have forgotten to put this song on MY year-end countdown?!?!" Honey, I don't know what to tell ya, up ya game, do some editing, rearranging, WHATEVER, you need this in your list.
Seriously though, this song was completely and utterly NECESSARY for any year end countdown looking to encompass the past twelve months and the awesomenesses that occurred throughout. Looking beyond the sheer brilliance of the song's lyrics (Still G's up/ They won't ease up/ It's cool, *****s hated on Jesus) and the fact that he has the face of any random bottom in a black gay **** vid and VOILA!: The most clever marketing scheme of the year!!!
"Hi Hater" became inescapable on shirts this summer. AND THEN WE WENT INTO A RECESSION SHORLY AFTER! ****ING BOW.
99.
The bastard child of Merengue and rap as done by a Dominican artist who has too many drug-trafficking cousins living in Washington Heights judging by the video.
In other words, y'all's faces like MANNEQUINS.
*intermission* IT IS NOW TIME FOR MY FAVORITE YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF THE YEAR IN NO PARTICULO ORDERRRRR!!!!! (PART ONE)
] Lil Pito SINGS!
Cursing Fish
The Notorious H.I.T.
Codependency~ Chris Crocker I love myself, I **** myself, I feed myself.
98.
THE SINGLE MOST GREAT-RETARDED SONG HIP HOP HAS SEEN SINCE THE DAYS OF THE DANCE OF THE HUMPTY, HANDS DOWN. Be cautioned, this song makes LESS sense than my #'s 100 & #99 combined. In this, three joke rappers, assisted by Yung Joc, tackle a wide range of topics, covering everything from Lamb Chop to Michael Vick.
I'll admit though, this song's true charm lies in the single greatest quotable ANY song, and I mean ANY, had to offer this year:
Quote:
Originally posted by Greatness
"No Chris, no Chris, NO! Raz-B lookin' boy.
More on Raz-B and that debacle later on in this spectacular circus of a show...and now....a FEMALE!
97.
Arrestingly honest musing of a relationship gone sour from the chick that gave you "Mercy" or "the new Winehouse soon as old Winehouse dies". Great soul ballad rightchea.
#'s 96-93 will be up tomorrow morning along with the rest of my favorite Youtube vids and the beginning of MY TOP TEN ALBUMS OF THE YEAR.