Hater 2 U
I read comments about this site from people who don't read anything aside from Beyonce CD booklets and are not aware of the concept of satire. These people have accused me of being an undercover "hater" who is trying to mask my dislike of Beyonce through jokes. I say to those people "Eat A Dick". I am a fan... perhaps slightly stannish. If you saw how much I spent to attend the Beyonchichi Experience you would know how much of a fan I am but I have nothing to prove to you. However I would like to take this time to explain the difference between a "hater" and a "stan" and several other types of people I've encountered on blogs and message boards.


TYPE #1 - THE HARDCORE STAN

-- Hardcore stans don't have much of a sense of humor when it comes to Beyonce. Hardcore stans don't find this site funny at all. Hardcore stans think Tina Knowles is a fashion genius and Beyonce was born with sandy blonde long hair and Kelly Rowland is a worldwide superstar.

-- When you wake up the first thing you do is go to Google News and type in Beyonce. You want to know everything she does as soon as she does it. If she wipes her ass you want high-quality photos so you can make it the wallpaper on your computer desktop.

-- Your dream is to die and return to Earth as Beyonce's tampon.

-- "Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, Rihanna, Kid Rock, and Mariah Carey will all appear at Fashion Rocks."

That sentence makes you mad because Beyonce's name is not first.

-- You probably have no friends.

Why you do what you do: You rep for Beyonce and that's fine. She needs people like you. It's people like you who pay $700 for meet and greet passes, it's people like you who camp out overnight for concert tickets. It's people like you who buy songs 4800 times on iTunes. People like you are also the reason why she has big scary-looking bodyguards with concealed weapons. CALM THE **** DOWN!

Why you're funny to me: It's really not that serious. It's just entertainment.
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TYPE #2 THE HARDCORE HATER

-- You go through all the trouble of registereing on a message board, and you have more posts than most hardcore stans, the only difference is you don't seem to like Beyonce that much.

-- You spend your spare time looking for some video, photo, or comment that makes Beyonce look like a damn fool.

-- You always have a sideways comment, no matter what the topic.

-- You will not waste an opportunity to criticize Beyonce's wardrobe, personality, hair, etc. Anything anybody posts about Beyonce you make it a point to be a negative asshole. It doesn't even have to be about Beyonce and you will go out of your way to post something negative about Beyonce.

EXAMPLE:

Me: Do you think Obama will improve our economy?

You: I don't know. I can't stand Beyonce.

Me: What does that have to do with what I just asked you?

You: I don't know, she overrated.

Why you do what you do: You're trying to prove a point to Beyonce fans that she's not as hot as they think she is, however that's like going to a club that you think is wack just to tell the people there that you think the club is wack. Doesn't it make more sense to let them enjoy the club and you go to a club that you don't think is wack?

Why you're funny to me: WHY THE **** ARE YOU ON A BEYONCE MESSAGE BOARD? I MEAN... REALLY? IT'S SAD...
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TYPE #3 FAIRWEATHER FAN

-Your like or dislike of Beyonce depends on her "hotness" at the moment. If she releases a single that doesn't quite hit #1 then she's wack and played out. If she has a #1 song then she's the best thing in the world.

Why you do what you do: You flip-flop back and foward to create the illusion that you have good taste and only align yourself with "hot artists".

Why you're funny to me: Cause YOU'RE wack and played out...
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TYPE #4 UNDERCOVER AGENT

- You seem to be a Beyonce fan, in your posts you say you like most of her stuff, so why is there a big ass picture of Rhiannashanti in your siggy?

Why you do what you do: You are on a Beyonce board to do 2 things. 1. Promote your favorite artist. 2. Keep up with the "competition.:

Why you're funny to me: Most undercover agents post at other artist's boards so that they can promote other artists, they pretend to be big fans of Beyonce but their TRUE intetions are revealed whenever an argument breaks out.
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TYPE #5 THE STRAIGHT GAY FAN

-- Word on the curb is that you snap for the kids. You say you're not gay but I have a YouTube video of you dropping down low and sweepin the flo' with it that says otherwise.

-- Beyonce is sort of like your beard. You say you want to marry Beyonce. If someone sees a big ass poster of Beyonce in your room they won't realize that deep down you don't WANT Beyonce... you want to be Beyonce.

Why you're funny to me: You say you like girls but there has never been any documentation that you've seen any parts of ***** aside from when you were squished out of one, and you're on a BEYONCE message board. Not saying all of Beyonce's male fans are gay. She has a lot of straight male fans (in Europe and Asia).

It's such a pretty day outside... why don't you COME OUT and play.

Why you do what you do: I guess it's hard to be who you are... even on the internet... but as Bernie Mac said "Be Yourself. If people don't like you if you're being yourself **** 'EM!"

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

---Dr. Seuss
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Type #6 THE HOMOPHOBE

--- You don't care too much for the homosexicals, and you use all kinds of gay slurs and homophobic comments in your posts.

--- Why you're funny to me: BEYONCE IS A GAY ICON! You're on a gay icon's message being homophobic. Beyonce has gay stylists, dancers, choreographers, band members, and more, and she's pretty much a big ass drag queen herself. Beyonce is bought to us by a team of fabulous homosexuals so how can you be homophobic?
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TYPE #7 WIG CRYPT'S NEXT TOP MODEL

--You have a HUGE picture of yourself in your siggy which would be fine if you were something cute to look at, but you're not.

-- You seem to have a lot of self-confidence otherwise you wouldn't put a big ass picture of yourself on a message board, but you probably suffer from one of the following ailments:

--Hairline Malfunctions
-- Fat Assery
-- Too Much Lip Gloss
-- Clothes Too Tight, Too Small, or just Dead Ass Wrong
-- You're just generally tragic looking...

Why you do what you do: I guess you're trying to get a modeling deal, or trying to get people to tell you how cute you are which would be fine if you didn't look like King Kong in the face.

Why you're funny to me: People laugh at your pictures and don't tell you. They send private messages about you. They're laughing at you right now.
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TYPE #8 - THE KNOW IT ALL

-- The "Know It All" speaks as if he/she knows Beyonce personally. Like they go to TGI Fridays with Beyonce on the regular... like they go to Target with Tina every Sunday to shop for shower curtains to turn into tour outfits.

-- The "Know It All" speaks as if they have some secret source or scoop close to Beyonce who feeds them information.

-- The "Know It All" never starts a sentence with "I think..." or "In my opinion". The "Know It All" always speaks as if what they are saying is absolute proven fact.

-- The "Know It All" usually types in long paragraphs knowing good and well Negroes won't read anything over 2 sentences. You can hide your credit card and your social security number in a book and Negroes won't find it if it's not on the first page. (I'm Colored so i can say this and you know it's true.)

Why You Do What You Do: You pride yourself on being able to be the first to break news, or being able to say you know something that most people don't know...

Why You're Funny To Me: Cause you don't know ****! You don't know anymore than the average fan. You just took a bunch of stories you've heard, mixed it with things you know about Beyonce and the rest of it you made up by yourself and you go on message boards and present it as fact.
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If you don't fit any of the above categories and you are just there for entertainment you owe it to society to call these people out. So please take some time out of your day to call them out. Name names. Be messy... and tell me all about it.

Beyonce is sort of like your beard. You say you want to marry Beyonce. If someone sees a big ass poster of Beyonce in your room they won't realize that deep down you don't WANT Beyonce... you want to be Beyonce.

Saba, where'd you go?

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA

"Word on the curb is that you snap for the kids. You say you're not gay but I have a YouTube video of you dropping down low and sweepin the flo' with it that says otherwise."

Beyonka antibiotic please.

When you wake up the first thing you do is go to Google News and type in Beyonce. You want to know everything she does as soon as she does it. If she wipes her ass you want high-quality photos so you can make it the wallpaper on your computer desktop.

That made me crack up so hard haha

Yes how can i help you?

This is absolutely amazing. As usual.

lol i do that for rihanna. that "snap for the kids thing" was hella funny

Me: Do you think Obama will improve our economy?

You: I don't know. I can't stand Beyonce.

Me: What does that have to do with what I just asked you?

You: I don't know, she overrated.

Beyonceitis<33

Me: Do you think Obama will improve our economy?

You: I don't know. I can't stand Beyonce.

Me: What does that have to do with what I just asked you?

You: I don't know, she overrated.

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Your dream is to die and return to Earth as Beyonce's tampon.

SO Damnnnnn funny! lol * dying*


LOL. Sameee here... lol

so true!

Oh My god that was hilarious

Beyonceitis keeps getting better and better each day

LMAO! Best site ever!

Thats a little TOO extra lol.

Your dream is to die and return to Earth as Beyonce's tampon.
Beyonceitis <3

I officially love you Warren.