Black Umbrella told me to come here ..
So here I am . . .
I'm in the closet . . . and I secretly like my straight best friend.
I think he's straight . . . and he most likely is . . . (he follows these IG accounts of girls that are like almost fully naked)
But we've always had this thing (IDK if he does it to others too . . . ) where he just randomly caresses me...
For example, before, when I didn't really like him yet and we were just friends, he would touch my legs and my thigh area . .. and I'd stop him . . . Or when I sat by him in his car and he was driving and we stopped at a red light, he just started caressing my arm/ shoulder . . . I used to tell him to stop whenever he did that . . .
But recently I've developed a crush on him (I wish I could just end it but it's hard
) and so I've been telling him pick-up lines and dirty jokes but he probably thinks it's nothing . . . I've been buying him food, helping him on homework, I even did one of his essays for him . . . . But yeah . . . he probably thinks I'm just doing those as a best friend . . .
Yesterday, however, I ordered pizza for us . . . and we sat right by each other ... he started caressing my arm ... I just ignored it and didn't tell him to stop this time (secretly enjoying it inside
) ... and I sat right in front of the pizza so when he had to get a slice, he had to lean over me and our faces we're together ...
... then after I was sitting on the couch and he was on the floor and I was just playing with the controller, throwing it and catching it ... then I accidentally dropped it and it hit his leg and he says awww, so I start to caress his leg saying "sorry did that hurt you" ... he just smiles at me . .. then I do it again on purpose for the second time, but this time the controller didnt hit his, it just went by it ... but I grab the remote and start caressing his legs again ... but this time I look at his face and he gave me the "wtf" face ...
I feel so confused
Sorry for writing an "essay" y'all . . I just can't tell this to anyone else ... but here.
also: what should I do how should i react when he does these things to me? should i smile, ignore it, or stop it. . .
.
