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Discussion: Being gay - the hardest thing?
Member Since: 8/29/2011
Posts: 18,282
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Quote:
Originally posted by $oldier
The thing with the gay community is that there is still such a large portion of self hate, whether it's publicly acknowledged or not. I'm not talking about, "I hate that I'm gay and I wish I was straight" type of self hate, but the "My type of gay is acceptable, but being feminine / being a bottom / being bisexual / being a lesbian, etc. is wrong and shouldn't be shown".
If people honestly believe that any "type" of gay is more acceptable than others, then there is something really wrong here.
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Member Since: 6/22/2012
Posts: 7,282
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It's scary that nobody mentioned that one of the worst parts is the potential for STD's, your first sexual encounter can be life changing for all the wrong reasons.
Sure discrimination sucks BUT if you know how to deal with people then you can get over that.
Yes family being unaccepting is hurtful until you realize Family are being you are bound to by blood and nothing more.
People will treat you funny but if you're happy then you almost don't notice or care.
I feel the hardest part is probably dating , I don't care for hookups, or having sex I'm not trying to find love but I'd love to actually date even if it's casual, so many men hide secrets, and STD's are so much easier to catch now I'd rather not take a chance with my health.
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Member Since: 8/4/2012
Posts: 23,716
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It's some other ways to catch STDs. I know a few straight people that have it.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Not you gurls mention STD that's my biggest fear, it always comes up in my mind even though I use protection so I just can't enjoy sex like I should
Quote:
Originally posted by jayyyxtee
He's Dominican he would show up with a machete
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be sure to play Aura when he comes
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Member Since: 3/27/2009
Posts: 30,284
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Quote:
Originally posted by ririfan21
It's some other ways to catch STDs. I know a few straight people that have it.
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You're back? Missed you a lil' bit...
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Member Since: 5/5/2007
Posts: 765
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You probably should THANK all the people who say they are not into your race. While it hurts to be turned down for what you think is an unfair reason, it sucks more to be with people who are that shallow and close-minded. Do you seriously think you will stick around with that kind of people even if they don't shoot you down at first? You deserve to be with someone who is intelligent and appreciates you, not somebody who isn't and doesn't. Be thankful for all the red flags they are giving you because it means you will not waste your time.
It saddens me how some of us take such incidents as a reflection of our self worth when it actually is a reflection of THEIR self worth. (For the record, I don't condemn people's choices. I just find them kii enough to stay away from.)
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 35,409
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Quote:
Originally posted by Guý 4 Gáls
You probably should THANK all the people who say they are not into your race. While it hurts to be turned down for what you think is an unfair reason, it sucks more to be with people who are that shallow and close-minded. Do you seriously think you will stick around with that kind of people even if they don't shoot you down at first? You deserve to be with someone who is intelligent and appreciates you, not somebody who isn't and doesn't. Be thankful for all the red flags they are giving you because it means you will not waste your time.
It saddens me how some of us take such incidents as a reflection of our self worth when it actually is a reflection of THEIR self worth. (For the record, I don't condemn people's choices. I just find them kii enough to stay away from.)
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I've never thought of it that way actually
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Member Since: 3/25/2012
Posts: 10,673
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Quote:
Originally posted by Guý 4 Gáls
You probably should THANK all the people who say they are not into your race. While it hurts to be turned down for what you think is an unfair reason, it sucks more to be with people who are that shallow and close-minded. Do you seriously think you will stick around with that kind of people even if they don't shoot you down at first? You deserve to be with someone who is intelligent and appreciates you, not somebody who isn't and doesn't. Be thankful for all the red flags they are giving you because it means you will not waste your time.
It saddens me how some of us take such incidents as a reflection of our self worth when it actually is a reflection of THEIR self worth. (For the record, I don't condemn people's choices. I just find them kii enough to stay away from.)
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That's a wonderfully optimistic way of looking at it.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 7,779
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Without bottoms, gays wouldn't exist..Show some respect
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 16,407
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
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this, free self expression and that most guys are straight
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Member Since: 11/16/2010
Posts: 1,257
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Honestly, I don't get the whole complaint that race discriminating in dating means they are racist. Seems to me the people saying this want nothing more than to be with these white men, which is why they're complaining in the first place. "You won't date me because you think my race is all alike even though we're different" seems to be a common refrain. I don't think white men who date other whites can be guilted into saying "Oh hey, my not being attracted to minorities is racist, so let me change my preferences and be attracted to them." That's not going to happen. I am black and used to be exclusively attracted to white men, but when I actually dated one, I found it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, that my fantasy of whiteness and everything was a lot stronger than my actual feelings for this person. Now I just date whoever I'm compatible with. I'm not going to be alone for the rest of my life as a result of chasing after some mythical unicorn, which we gays are excellent at doing.
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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Quote:
Originally posted by Frogger17
Honestly, I don't get the whole complaint that race discriminating in dating means they are racist. Seems to me the people saying this want nothing more than to be with these white men, which is why they're complaining in the first place. "You won't date me because you think my race is all alike even though we're different" seems to be a common refrain. I don't think white men who date other whites can be guilted into saying "Oh hey, my not being attracted to minorities is racist, so let me change my preferences and be attracted to them." That's not going to happen. I am black and used to be exclusively attracted to white men, but when I actually dated one, I found it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, that my fantasy of whiteness and everything was a lot stronger than my actual feelings for this person. Now I just date whoever I'm compatible with. I'm not going to be alone for the rest of my life as a result of chasing after some mythical unicorn, which we gays are excellent at doing.
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Oh Lord. Are we really going to act like some of these preferences aren't rooted in racism? Grindr and in real social settings say otherwise. So pointing it out means I must only want a white guy? um no far from it. We know you can't just change your frame of mind so easily the point is a lot of gay men don't know how to express their non attractions in a respectful manner and quite often they won't talk to you on a platonic level. And as pointed out in my post even wanting to date other minorities can be a task because a few them view white men above the rest. I do agree that gay men want a unicorn instead of something realistic.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 11/4/2010
Posts: 26,597
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the worst part about being gay is not knowing if the guy you like is straight acting or straight
+ I think most gay people try their best to look good, but most of them fail and end up looking like a damn clown.
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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Quote:
Originally posted by Joaquin Ignacio
the worst part about being gay is not knowing if the guy you like is straight acting or straight
+ I think most gay people try their best to look good, but most of them fail and end up looking like a damn clown.
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Cam we please as gay men destroy the term straight acting? Say masculine. There is nothing straight about ****ing another man. And yes it is hard knowing if someone is gay or not especially when a guy is flirting you don't know if they are playing or otherwise.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 11/4/2010
Posts: 26,597
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Quote:
Originally posted by I Am Music
Cam we please as gay men destroy the term straight acting? Say masculine. There is nothing straight about ****ing another man. And yes it is hard knowing if someone is gay or not especially when a guy is flirting you don't know if they are playing or otherwise.
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you got me
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also, there's so many straight guys who are comfortable with their sexuality to be around gay people, and even flirt with them, and that's really confusing
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 32,106
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Quote:
Originally posted by Joaquin Ignacio
you got me
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also, there's so many straight guys who are comfortable with their sexuality to be around gay people, and even flirt with them, and that's really confusing
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I know dearie I know 2 years ago I made out with this cutie pie and we were about to get started into the nasty segment when he told me ''I'm straight''
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Member Since: 3/14/2013
Posts: 19,449
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Quote:
Originally posted by BobBertran1992
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Nooo, that's just sad
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Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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Quote:
Originally posted by Frogger17
Honestly, I don't get the whole complaint that race discriminating in dating means they are racist. Seems to me the people saying this want nothing more than to be with these white men, which is why they're complaining in the first place.
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But see, that's not fair to say. Some black gays are lucky to be raised in black meccas, but I was raised and live in a VERY predominantly white state...93% white, .8% black.( Idaho).
I got on grindr yesterday after reading this thread to evaluate how bad my dependence on white men was and I found only 2 other black guys out of all the listings. However, one was 31 so there wouldn't be much we could relate on. Meaning I only had one other surefire option... and that's not taking into account looks, personality, and interests. Should I be relegated to only that one guy?
I don't think anyone is trying to guilt anyone else into doing anything. It's a legitimate concern. I think by bringing up the issue, we raise an awareness to the problem. And maybe even change people's whole perspective on dating interracially. It's no different than the process of changing a homophobes opinion on gay people. Or like how you say you were, at one point, exclusively attracted to white men yet somehow found your way out of that mentality. That's the kind of change we're hoping to achieve by presenting the problem plain and clear.
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sunshine.
But see, that's not fair to say. Some black gays are lucky to be raised in black meccas, but I was raised and live in a VERY predominantly white state...93% white, .8% black.( Idaho).
I got on grindr yesterday after reading this thread to evaluate how bad my dependence on white men was and I found only 2 other black guys out of all the listings. However, one was 31 so there wouldn't be much we could relate on. Meaning I only had one other surefire option... and that's not taking into account looks, personality, and interests. Should I be relegated to only that one guy?
I don't think anyone is trying to guilt anyone else into doing anything. It's a legitimate concern. I think by bringing up the issue, we raise an awareness to the problem. And maybe even change people's whole perspective on dating interracially. It's no different than the process of changing a homophobes opinion on gay people. Or like how you say you were, at one point, exclusively attracted to white men yet somehow found your way out of that mentality. That's the kind of change we're hoping to achieve by presenting the problem plain and clear.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 18,555
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There are a lot of g*ys on this forum, this topic might be offensive to them!
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