The best thing for you to do is see a therapist. They have an enormous success rate and as with most people in the world who are suffering from some psychological issues, talking it out with an expert is honestly the best bet.
However, if you are to afraid to do this, or don't have the money, I highly encourage you to research psychology and try to REALLY understand what it is going on inside of your brain. I was depressed not too long ago and reading about all the therapies involved and learning about what i could do to tackle those depressed thoughts and switch them out for positive ones really helped me.
I believe in you! It's really just a hop skip and a jump away!

Medecine should be a last resort, it just takes forcing your self to really understand why you're sad, and to target the thoughts making you sad, and get rid of them! Good luck
