Sorry for your loss, Starlight.
2011 was supposed to be the year when I kick life's ass, but the fourth day in, my mother called me at work and told me that my brother had suffered a heart attack while he was on a treadmill. I had just eaten then and I still remember that feeling of wanting to throw everything I ate including my breakfast. I hastily told my boss that I'm taking the rest of the day off to run to the hospital, and just as I hopped into a cab, my mother sent me a text message that he was gone.
It was very difficult for my family. I didn't let anybody see me cry (until the funeral) because I wanted to stay strong for them. The way I looked at it, there really isn't much I could do, no amount of tears I shed will bring him back, so I just accepted it.
It kind of took its toll on me as far as my professional life went. I left my job about 4 months later due to stress plus I was borderline hypertension because I was gaining a lot of weight (lost 30 pounds a few months after resigning.) The next job I took, I didn't really go to work all that much, just confined myself in MMORPG's or ATRL (
) and I didn't really talk to my friends all that much.
It was only earlier this year (after two years) that I started to feel like my life is getting back on track. Got a really good job that I love, and although I still have some habits (random absences or being late at work) that I need to kick, I think I'm getting my groove back. I started talking to my friends again, and I've gone out more times last month than I have between June 2011 and December 2012.
Anyway.... when you lose someone, the pain will always be there, but as time goes on, it gets less painful. Based on my experience, it's really not healthy to lock yourself away from the world after a tragedy. Surround yourself with your friends, the people that you love, find a hobby that doesn't involve a computer.
It gets better.
