P!nk - Who Knew
How badly P!nk wants (in keeping with the exclamation mark that, no matter how long it's been out of service, I refuse to omit — have some gumption and stand behind your poor decision to punctuate/stylize your name*) to be the audacious, kick-ass-and-take-names, rebel! Such a shame it is that her best moments, her vulnerable moments, comes primarily as afterthoughts — the follow ups to rambunctious, inconsequential and repetitive lead singles. "Who Knew" is P!nk's finest hour. Is it the
best of the best tunes selected for competition this week? Is it
****in' perfect? I'm not sure about that, but on this occasion I'm willing to give her top honors for being more than mediocre. (9)
*Applicable to
Ke$ha Kesha, in a few years.
Katy B Easy Please Me
I think this is the best Origibabes/2.0 track that never was. Trust me. I can hear it, and it would sound legitimately fantastic. And to tell the truth, the track, as is, is legitimately fantastic. How easily it pleases me! (8)
Muse Madness
Trendy and engineered for chart glory. Distinctively Muse-y, despite the commercial flourishes. "Selling out," when done this well, is totally admissible. (7)
Beck Girl
IDGI, but I think that's ok. (That said, I prefer a metaphorical take over the literal, "I'm gonna murder you, girl!" interpretation.) Regardless of meaning, it sounds great. Beck operates on a higher plane — he
is a Scientologist, after all. I imagine this will all make perfect sense when I'm totally "Clear," and working my way up the OT ladder. Show me the way, LRH. (6)
Kelly Clarkson Because of You
Clive Davis wasn't right (a song needn't a constant rhyme scheme), but he wasn't completely wrong, either. If "Because of You" was the basis on which one was asked to quickly assess Kelly's ability to pen a song, I think many of us would agree that perhaps Ms. Clarkson isn't much of a songwriter. The biographical tone is appreciated, but a line like "Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk," feels a oddly vacant and, in some sense, needlessly whiny. What exactly is meant? Why exactly is this so traumatizing? But Kelly's performance is ridiculously earnest, and ultimately, her ability to deliver an emotive vocal supersedes the moments of lyrical shoddiness. (5)
Radiohead Idioteque
Noisy, macabre and infuriatingly vague. Not something to be enjoyed in full — best served spliced, diced and boiled down to the essential bits, namely, that four note sample, which, I'm absolutely certain has been prominently featured (along with that one Postal Service song) in every single episode of MTV's
True Life... ever. (4)
Janelle Monae BaBopByeYa
BaBopBye
Ya. Quite thoughtful and (for a certain amount of time) interesting, but there's just no need for it to carry on for eight minutes. It's a shame that many of us will low-ball this. I have a sneaking suspicion that, if given the opportunity and a better song selection, Janelle would be able to redeem herself in the next round. Good luck, girl. (3)
Adele Someone Like You
Nevermind I'll fiiiiiiind someone like yooooou. Something Adele couldn't find, even if she spent the rest of her career searching: a more uninspired, broken triad, piano melody.
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
"Doesn't make any sense, does it?" #IfUSeekAmyNewsReporter (2)
Pictureplane
While I applaud the effort to spice things up with an (I'm guessing) obscure-for-the-sake-of-being-obscure cherrypick, this lo-fi, industrial trance nonsense is not the business. Never again, pretentious Little Monster (I'm guessing). (1)
