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Discussion: Stan-Wars bios of our faves
Member Since: 12/27/2011
Posts: 20,704
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Stan-Wars bios of our faves
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LADY GAGA
In the beginning, when Gaga created the heavens and the earth, music was a formless void and darkness covered with basic, untalented bitches. Then Gaga said, let there be light and there was light. And then Gaga said let there be pop music and there was pop music. And then she said, let there be homosexuals and about 6 of them appeared out of the mist, twirling glow sticks while “Judas” played in the background.
And Gaga gathered dust and Metamucil from the ground, blew into its nostrils and thus Madonna was born. And Gaga took one of Madonna’s ribs and made Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. And Gaga took a magical wig, washed it in unicorn tears and thus Beyonce was born. And Gaga took one of Beyonce’s used tampons and spit on it, and thus Rihanna was born.
Gaga then created the moon, the sun, the stars and the galaxies. She created the heavens, the earth, wind, fire, water and Earth, Wind and Fire. She created concerts, music videos MTV, VH1, BET, CMT, MTV2, MTV Tres, MTV Jams, MTV Europe, MTV Japan, MTV Compton, MTV Denver and MTV Alabama. She created the Grammys, the VMAs, the BET Awards, The American Music Awards, the Native American Music Awards,, dance music, techno, dubstep, 2- step, electro, techno, eletro-techno, techno-electro, electrostep dub-technostep and Ciara's 1, 2 Step.
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BEYONCÉ
Beyoncé Knowles is an American R&B and pop recording artist, dancer, producer, songwriter, actress, fashion model, philanthropist, hair braider, weed seller, Mary Kay consultant, real estate agent and ordained minster.
Beyoncé was born September 4, 1981 in Houston, Texas. She was a shy and introverted child. The other kids hated on her because she was better looking and more talented (this would be a major theme of her adult life) As a child she was more talented, prettier, and just an all around better human being than all of her peers. People were jealous of her because her farts smelled like freshly cut white roses and hot Krispy Kreme donuts and her doo-doo smelled like fabric softener and hot chocolate chip cookies.
At the age of 9, she and several underprivileged youth formed a singing group. Beyoncé became the lead singer because was more talented, prettier and just an all-around better human being than her group mates.
After almost 10 years of being in a group, she decided to go solo and has been snatching your faves' wigs and taking their coins and you can all remain fat, ugly and unhappy about it.
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BRITNEY SPEARS
Britney Spears is a pop legend who is of equal talent, impact and influence as Michael Jackson and Madonna and her first two albums outsold your fave’s entire discography.
Britney was raised in Kentwood, Louisiana. She was a very happy and energetic child because she knew that one day her first two albums would outsell your fave’s entire discography.
When she was 11 years old, she joined the cast of the Mickey Mouse club with Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Ryan Gossling, who would all go on to become superstars while Britney went on to have two albums that outsold your fave’s entire discography.
When Britney was 17 years old, she released her debut album, the first of two albums that has outsold your fave’s entire discography.
For the next decade, she would establish herself as a bonafide pop icon with two albums that outsold your fave’s entire discography.
Today she continues to record and perform, but now divides her time between hosting the American version of X-Factor and raising her two beautiful children --- one child for each album that has outsold your fave’s entire discography.
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RIHANNA
The story of Rihanna the Global Queen begins on the small island of Barbados. When she was a little girl, her classmates called her “globe”. No, that was not a forehead joke; they just knew that one day she would be a global pop queen who would effortlessly slay your faves.
When she was 16 she auditioned for Def Jam Records and her voice sounded like a mixture of Anita Baker, Lauryn Hill, Jesus, and Coko from SWV. She was quickly signed and she then went on to become the Global Queen that she is today and one of the biggest selling artists of all time. # webadyoumad # navi # *****yofavs
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MADONNA
Madonna is the Queen of Pop. She showed that there is more to being a pop queen than mediocre vocals, outlandish outfits and exposed body parts. She actually changed the face of music videos, live concerts and music promotion. She changed the way female entertainers conducted themselves as businesswomen and she took actual artistic and musical risks.
Where as most female artists have strong points in one area Madonna remains unparalleled in worldwide album sales, singles, tours, cultural impact and longevity. She has received criticism for her vocal talent, overt sexuality and the cinematic abortions that comprise her filmography, but for over 25 years, she has managed to avoid the severe personal obstacles which damaged the careers of many of her peers.
After 30 years in the game she's still selling out stadiums and snatching wigs.
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NICKI MINAJ
Nicki Minaj is global pop icon who was born in Trinidad and Tobago in 1982 and/or 1984.
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CHRISTINA AGUILERA
Christina was born in New York in 1980. At a very early age she showed a talent for singing. She appeared on Star Search and later won a spot on the Mickey Mouse Club. As a child she dealt with physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her father (this would prepare Christina to write and perform some of her most emotional songs). As a teenager, Christina dealt with the jealousy and bullying that came along with being a teenage superstar. Shortly after her first single exploded on the charts, Christina attended a high school prom. When the DJ played "Genie in a Bottle" all of her classmates left the dance floor (this would prepare Christina for the general public's reaction to most of her catalogue).
Unphased, Christina would go on to earn worldwide commercial success and acclaim as a vocalist.
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 3/22/2012
Posts: 53,769
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And Gaga gathered dust and Metamucil from the ground, blew into its nostrils and thus Madonna was born. And Gaga took one of Madonna’s ribs and made Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. And Gaga took a magical wig, washed it in unicorn tears and thus Beyonce was born. And Gaga took one of Beyonce’s used tampons and spit on it, and thus Rihanna was born.
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DEATH 
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BEY
People were jealous of her because her farts smelled like freshly cut white roses and hot Krispy Kreme donuts and her doo-doo smelled like fabric softener and hot chocolate chip cookies.
At the age of 9, she and several underprivileged youth formed a singing group.
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Edit: And I missed the best part 
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And then she said, let there be homosexuals and about 6 of them appeared out of the mist, twirling glow sticks while “Judas” played in the background.
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Member Since: 5/15/2006
Posts: 5,247
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When the DJ played "Genie in a Bottle" all of her classmates left the dance floor (this would prepare Christina for the general public's reaction to most of her catalogue).
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OMG LOL
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Member Since: 1/3/2010
Posts: 21,098
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Stanwars is always gold.
Just wait until Bey's new era starts. 
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Member Since: 9/4/2011
Posts: 22,946
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Member Since: 5/3/2012
Posts: 42,099
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The Ciara and XTina shade
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Member Since: 9/22/2011
Posts: 9,178
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I love how wretched this site is. No lies at all (and the Beyonce slant doesn't hurt either). 
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Member Since: 6/18/2012
Posts: 4,588
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Member Since: 5/4/2011
Posts: 20,807
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The Britney one continuously referencing the two albums "outselling your fave's entire discography". 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/8/2006
Posts: 42,086
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The hater version of Britney's bio is so
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Britney Spears was a popular American entertainer. It is presumed that in 2006 she either died or ran away from her money-hungry money record label and fled to Africa where she now lives quietly with the bush people of Botswana
Her team had planned to announce her death and get those Michael Whitney Winehouse Jackson sympathy sales, but they realized that over the course of the previous years, something strange had happened. Although the millions of teenage girls who had stanned for Britney had moved on, their power-bottom younger brothers had found their thrown away CD's and became Britney stans themselves. Once Britney’s team realized there were hundreds of millions of dollars to be made from these ****-hungry pillow biters, they knew they couldn't announce Britney's death.
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NICKI MINAJ
Nicki Minaj is global pop icon who was born in Trinidad and Tobago in 1982 and/or 1984.
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ahhh
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Member Since: 6/6/2011
Posts: 29,899
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Talent
If covering yourself in crazy glue and rolling around in random items stolen from Madonna’s garbage is talent, then Gaga is by far the most talented artist of her generation.
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Member Since: 12/29/2011
Posts: 8,072
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And Gaga took one of Beyonce’s used tampons and spit on it, and thus Rihanna was born.
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IN TEARS!!
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 2,748
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I love stan-wars, always check it every once in a while to see if there are updates. Every revision is golden. Make sure y'all check the old versions of the articles too. The previous Christina one was even worse
http://stan-wars.com/mediawiki/index...lera&oldid=745
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Artist Bio
Punched out of the game by Britney
Re-punched out of the game by Beyonce
Re-re-punched out of the game by Gaga
Now hosts a reality TV show.
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Performance Style
Taking a 3 minute up-tempo pop/electro/dance song and turning it into a 5-hour Negro spiritual.
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How to talk like a Christina stan:
To talk like a Christina stan, you must talk as if all of her failures are due to people being "pressed" over her.
Example:
The Gaga stans just bought $200 million worth of concert tickets. They are so pressed over Christina.
They Britney stans just bought 500,000 copies of Britney's new single. They are so pressed over Christina.
Bionic sold 27 copies the first week. The general public is so pressed over Christina.
Christina just canceled a show in the Chipotle parking lot due to poor ticket sales. Ticketmaster is so pressed over Christina.
Christina just fell on stage. The laws of gravity are so pressed over Christina.
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Member Since: 2/12/2012
Posts: 27,814
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I cant st Ciara... poor ha
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Banned
Member Since: 6/25/2011
Posts: 37,192
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Performance Style
Taking a 3 minute up-tempo pop/electro/dance song and turning it into a 5-hour Negro spiritual.
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dlfkja;
Beyonce's new promo plan remains the best
http://stan-wars.com/beyoncepromo.html
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Banned
Member Since: 6/25/2011
Posts: 37,192
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Banned
Member Since: 4/27/2012
Posts: 33,811
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Originally posted by Pie-kun
I love stan-wars, always check it every once in a while to see if there are updates. Every revision is golden. Make sure y'all check the old versions of the articles too. The previous Christina one was even worse
http://stan-wars.com/mediawiki/index...lera&oldid=745
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Banned
Member Since: 4/27/2012
Posts: 33,811
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Originally posted by How To Piss Off A Christina Stan
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NOOOOOOO
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Member Since: 2/24/2012
Posts: 30,779
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Member Since: 9/18/2011
Posts: 18,295
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pie-kun
I love stan-wars, always check it every once in a while to see if there are updates. Every revision is golden. Make sure y'all check the old versions of the articles too. The previous Christina one was even worse
http://stan-wars.com/mediawiki/index...lera&oldid=745
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!!!!
The worst one was Ciara's old bio.Had me iin TEARS
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