Granted, but only turtles laugh at your jokes.



I wish I had more time.

Granted. You get an extra hour of the day in which nobody can access, but then the time gets stuck and you somehow explode of depression because you can't acsess new things and you can't see anybody. That sounds bad.




I wish I could be less lazy.

Granted. You overwork yourself to death.

I wish Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj would make up and forgive each other!

Granted, but you have a bad lisp whenever you talk

I wish I could effortlessly have a 4.0 GPA this next semester of college

@HausofWill granted, but you get horrible eyesight,you opt for eye surgery it goes horribly wrong and you lose your eyesight.

Granted, but your school thinks you're cheating and expels you, unlabeling you to get into any university.

I wish Beyonce gets her 5th number 1 album in a row.

Granted; but that's her last one

I wish Avril Lavigne sells 10 million albums for her 5th era.

Granted but she's making no more album after that

I wish Ciara would have bigger success than Rihanna, Beyonce and Gaga together

Granted. She has success on the worse songs of 2013 list!



I wish summer break was longer.

It's your last summer break ever.

I wish Nelly Furtado's next album outsold 21 WW.

Granted. Nelly will outsell 21, but she will have ads all over McDonald's, and is forced to make a childish cover. To sell it, there is ads on the McDonalds and Burger King bags. There will be a special meal with her album and chicken nuggets for $3 because it can't sell. In the long run, it sells 1 more copies than 21 in packages of McDonalds.


I wish my grades were higher.

Granted, but you have to sleep with your old, unattractive professors in return.

I wish Voldermort defeated Harry Potter instead.

Granted, Harry Potter then gets overshadowed by Twilight.

Wish my sickness would go away already.

Granted, but it's the coldest summer on record and it snows during the summer

I wish that I could have more money

Granted. Too bad it's counterfeit money from a different country.

I wish all the dogs on my street would stop barking unless there's a burglar entering the house.

Granted but the burglars shoot and kill the dogs for barking at them

I wish MJ would come back and hold a free concert in my living room.

Granted, but he's still dead as he does it.

I wish I knew why Black Butter Records was so amazing

You find out but you also find out that you slept with Natalie Holloway's corpse

I wish my job didn't ****ing blow huge asshole and I didn't feel this way right now

Granted, your job no longer blows huge asshole, but you will forever feel the way you did when it did.

I wish J.Lo would work with Cory Rooney again.