This song is a joke, right? It HAS to be. At least, that's what I thought when I first heard it. The first time I saw the video, I assumed it was some viral parody song intended to make fun of the objectification of women in hip-hop. I was wrong. Not only was it by a legit rapper who was signed to Kanye's label, but it got popular enough to peak in the Top 10 on the Hot 100.
But boy, was it funny... for about a week. After that, it got very, very, very tiresome. The chorus is awful, but it's not like the verses are much better, especially since they're interspersed with what sounds like a duck quacking the melody of the MC Hammer sample that they used for the hook. Nicki's verse is so weak that it's barely even worth mentioning, filled with random potshots at Lil' Kim (because, you know, that feud wasn't getting old) and painful rhymes ("bitches ain't poppin', Google my ass, only time you on the net is when you GOOGLE MY ASS"). And this is a pretty minor complaint, but the censored version of the song makes absolutely no sense ("bitch, you deserve a crown... right on that dance?")
Beyond that... do I really need to explain why this song is terrible? For Christ's sake, just listen to it! By now I've probably spent more time writing about it than Big Sean did writing it! Simply put, this song is ASS.
Oh, Toby Keith, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways... I hate the way you try to pass off your shameless jingoism as good old-fashioned American patriotism, I hate the fact that you managed to get away with releasing a lynching anthem in 2003, and most of all, I hate this stupid, stupid song of yours that somehow got popular enough to peak in the Top 40 this year.
There are few things more insufferable than a novelty song that isn't funny, and that's exactly what this is. Remember how I said that 'Dance (A$$)' was only funny for a week? 'Red Solo Cup' wasn't even funny for a second, partly because Toby doesn't seem to know how humor works. He mistakenly assumed that his affection for red plastic disposable cups would be funny on its own, so he didn't bother showing us what's funny about them. You drink from Red Solo Cups at house parties and barbecues? Great, so do I. So what?
The whole time I'm listening to this song I'm just waiting for a punchline that never comes. All the while, I have to listen to that annoying, obnoxiously cutesy nursery rhyme melody plunking away in the background. "Proceed to party!" Toby shouts over a banjo riff that sounds like it was sampled from a Raffi CD. And speaking of childishness... Toby, you're old enough to be my father. There is no excuse for you to be using the word 'yucky' non-ironically.
Honestly, I can't think of anything I hate more than this song. Well, maybe one thing...
All right, let's do a quick recap before we get to #1!
#10: "Back in Time" by Pitbull
#9: "Love You Like a Love Song" by Selena Gomez
#8: "Rack City" by Tyga
#7: "Somethin' 'Bout a Truck" by Kip Moore
#6: "50 Ways to Say Goodbye" by Train
#5: "Want U Back" by Cher Lloyd
#4: "Not Over You" by Gavin DeGraw
#3: "Dance (A$$)" by Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj
#2: "Red Solo Cup" by Toby Keith
Think you're ready for #1? Well, you're not. Nothing could prepare you for this. Brace yourselves, because this next one... is going... to hurt.
When I first reviewed this song months ago, I said I was ready to call it the worst single of 2012. Well, now that 2012's just about over, let me say that, for the record, this is the worst song of 2012. By far. I almost feel like I owe an apology to every other song on this countdown. I mean...Love You Like a Love Song? Want U Back? Red Solo Cup? At least those songs have actual hooks and discernible melodies. This... this is just a big, misshapen ball of noise that's vaguely shaped like a song.
The lyrics are so worthless (CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE) that I won't even bother dissecting them. I tried, but it was like killing a mouse with a rocket launcher. The production is by far its worst quality, though. I want to say that Rihanna sounds awful, but I can't really be sure of that, because half the time her voice is overpowered by this shrill, high pitched synth line buzzing in and out of the track like the world's loudest and most annoying bumblebee. Then again, it's not like the song would be that much better without it, because it has one of the stiffest, most monotonous and least danceable beats that I've ever heard in recent memory. Seriously, I've heard Cannibal Corpse make catchier songs than this.
Oh, and by the way, during the bridge, you get to hear Chris try to rap again. Isn't that great? I didn't think he could write anything worse than his 'Look At Me Now' verse, but, well, he beat my expectations.
Shoddy lyrics, piss poor vocals, and most of all, horrible production. It was all here, and by God, I hope I never hear a song this hideously unlistenable on Top 40 radio ever again.
Here's hoping that we get to hear better music in 2013. Happy New Year, everyone!
Your write ups are really funny.
, they are pretty annoying song 
I like a lot of his music but Not Over You is kinda bad to me, cheesy and overproduced 
I love Rihanna, but that song not to much 
).
Absolute filth.
tha #2 is horrid though, I agree 
