So I'm the only person bold enough to express how I really feel on this site? Guess I could be on the ATRL reality show...

I worry my sugar daddy will realize I dont love him.

I'm terrified of growing old. I work at a little breakfast place on the weekends and there are so many lonely old people who come here every single day, I would never want to end up like them. It's so sad. I'm still a teen, but I can't see myself living past 40, and to be quite honest I'd rather die before then. I wouldn't never commit suicide, but say I was killed when I was in my late 20's/early 30's I wouldn't mind. I would literally remain forever young in everyone's eyes, plus I wouldn't have to sit through all of my friends and family dying and therefore would never end up lonely and sad like the people at the coffee shop.

sometimes I think I've wasted the best years of my life because only in recent months I've gotten over insecurities.
I'm quite positive I won't get into college, I never wanted to go anyway, and I wonder what I'm going to do when I find out in a month.
sometimes I think some people who claim to be friends with me may not actually like me anymore because I'm not as loud or as outgoing as I used to be. I think that's because I was so insecure I had to act differently to not think about it so much - had to keep myself laughing enough to block it out of my mind. now that I'm more confident I feel like I don't have to do that anymore, I've calmed down a lot and I think people may not like that.

I want to have a relationship with someone like Jane and Maura (from Rizzoli & Isles) have, except that won't happen because i'm to ****ing dumb to be a chief medical examiner or a detective.

I don't want to go back to school.

In the back of my head, I don't want to face the fact that I will be stuck in my situation, in the same place for months. The trips I take during the summer are only short breaks from my situation, but every time, the trip eventually ends and I must return to where I was before.

I can't get away from where I am for a while. And when I can, it's only temporary.

My life is pretty much the same. I'm very insecure about my body (wich is normal, im not fat im not too thin, i'm normal, I guess but i'm still insecure) and my spirit. I have tons of secrets I can't tell my friends, I'm sure if I did they would leave me and I would be lonely. I'm pretty much sad 90% of the time. I HATE my parents and I'm going on vacations with them tomorrow (also I'm 19 not 23, I just wanted to get into ATRL's 20 + club ) and it's going to be an awful week. I' have thought of suicide a lot of times.

we've all been there or still are there sis, it really just takes time and a positive attitude.

I'm worried that I literally am a lazy failure and everyone can see it. I'm worried that I'll end up being a mooch for the rest of my life because I have no career path set out right now and I'm not talented/intelligent enough at the things I'm interested in to pursue them. I'm worried that I'm disliked by everybody I encounter (EVERYBODY) and everyone thinks I'm strange and a weirdo and nobody will ever want to spend any time with me because I'm not good enough. I think that nobody is actually attracted to me and when people have been in the past it was just because they were desperate or thought I would be easy, and they wouldn't pick me over someone else if given the choice. I wonder if I'm not as good a person as I think I am, and in reality everyone else is better then me. I worry that I'm actually wrong, and everyone else is right and I just can't see it. That's enough.