ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the 3rd annual ATRL Grammys! It's a night that's been months in the making and we have a spectacular show for you, with 17 awards to hand out and 10 incredible performances from some of our top honorees. Without further ado, here to kick things off in style is a seven-time ATRL Grammy winner. Nominated six more times tonight, including for Record of the Year with this masterpiece, put your hands together for the biggest pop star in the world: Taylor Swift!
TAYLOR: Thank you all so much! I love you, ATRL. Now please give it up for my close friend and Best New Artist nominee Fetty Wap!
ANNOUNCER: Thank you, Taylor and Fetty, for that incredible performance! We look forward to your duets album. Now please welcome ClarksonSlays to present the first award of the night!
Kelly: Thank you! I decided to bring my own Grammy award tonight to show to 4/5 nominees what an actual Grammy looks like! For most of you, this is the closest you will get to one! The artists nominated for Best Pop Solo Performance include multi-platinum recording artists, and Poot Lovato’s sister. Let’s take a look at the nominees, shall we?
Blank Space - Taylor Swift: As ATRL-legend Sazare calls it, a “stale” pop-song that topped the Hot 100 for 7 weeks and sold nearly 5M copies in the United States alone, apparently thanks to Kanye West making this "bitch” famous. While this is a great accomplishment, it is not the winner tonight (breathe a sigh of relief GotSkill!).
Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding: An incredible power ballad that was one of the biggest songs from the past year, selling over 6M copies worldwide. It also gets to be associated with one of the worst novels of all time, and was featured in a film that stars one of the hottest men alive today, Rita Ora. However, it is also not your winner tonight.
Cool For the Summer - Demi Lovato: This Max-Martin driven summer bop topped the Hot 100 for 0 weeks and sold at least several dozen copies worldwide. It also didn’t win this award tonight, likely due to the backlash Demi received after her sister Poot was freed from a basement in Dallas, who subsequently spent Demi’s hundreds millions on downloading songs from Revival.
Talking Body - Tove Lo: This sex bop was done incredibly wrong by the general public, and you flops on ATRL, peaking at a measly No. 12 and not its deserved placements of either No.1 or No. 69 (Ted Cruz, ha power!). Sorry Tove, but you won’t be Talking Grammy’s now or anytime soon.
The winner of this award rightfully goes to…
Run Away With Me - Carly Rae Jepsen
This anthemic, saxophone driven hymn sent straight from the gods will top the charts for 67 weeks eventually, and if not, it topped dozens of Your Top 10s and Best of 2015’s on ATRL over the past year, which is essentially the same thing! Congratulations Carly!
Be sure to download my woodchip certified, Grammy-nominated album, Piece by Piece below!