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Celeb News: Charlie Carver comes out
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 7,700
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You may know him from Desperate Housewives or Teen Wolf
https://www.instagram.com/charliecarver/
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Pt 1: “Be who you needed were younger”. About a year ago, I saw this photo while casually scrolling through my Instagram one morning. I’m not one for inspirational quotes, particularly ones attributed to “Mx Anonymous”- something mean in me rebukes the pithiness of proverbs, choosing to judge them as trite instead of possibly-generally-wise, resonant, or helpful. And in the case of the good ol’ Anonymous kind, I felt that there was something to be said for the missing context. Who wrote or said the damn words? Why? And to/for who in particular?
Nonetheless, I screen-capped the picture and saved it. It struck me for some reason, finding itself likeable enough to join the ranks of the “favorites” album on my phone. I’d see it there almost daily, a small version of it next to my other “favorites”; I’d see it every time I checked into the gym, pulled up a picture of my insurance cards, my driver’s license.... Important Documents. And over the course of about-a-year, it became clear why the inspirational photo had called out to me.
As a young boy, I knew I wanted to be an actor. I knew I wanted to be a lot of things! I thought I wanted to be a painter, a soccer player, a stegosaurus... But the acting thing stuck. It was around that age that I also knew, however abstractly, that I was different from some of the other boys in my grade.
Over time, this abstract “knowing” grew and articulated itself through a painful gestation marked by feelings of despair and alienation, ending in a climax of saying three words out loud: “I am gay”. I said them to myself at first, to see how they felt. They rang true, and I hated myself for them. I was twelve. It would take me a few years before I could repeat them to anyone else, in the meantime turning the phrase over and over in my mouth until I felt comfortable and sure enough to let the words pour out again, this time to my family...
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Pt 2: For anyone who can identify with that experience (and I think we all can to some degree; saying something from a place of integrity, owning and declaring oneself), the immediate and comingling sense of relief and dread might sound familiar to you. For me, and my family, it was a precious conversation, one where I felt that I’d begun to claim myself, my life, and what felt like the beginning of a very-adult-notion of my own Authenticity. For that, and for them, I am forever grateful. *Note “Coming Out” is different for everyone. You can always Come Out to yourself. Coming Out as Gay/Bi/Trans/Non-Binary/Yourself or What-Have-You is at first a personal and private experience. If you’re ready and feel safe, then think about sharing this part of yourself with others. I recognize that I was born with an immense amount of privilege, growing up in a family where my orientation was celebrated and SAFE. If you feel like you want to Come Out, make sure first and foremost that you have a support system and will be safe. I would never encourage anyone to Come Out only to find themselves in harm’s way – a disproportionate number of Homeless American (and Global) Youth are members of the LGBTQ community who were kicked out of their families and homes out of hate and prejudice. It is a major issue in-and-of itself, and a situation not worth putting oneself at risk for.
The more I adjusted to living outwardly in this truth, the better I felt. But my relationship to my sexuality soon became more complicated. The acting thing HAD stuck, and at nineteen I started working in Hollywood. It was a dream come true, one I had been striving for since boyhood. But coupled with the overwhelming sense of excitement was an equally overwhelming feeling of dread- I would “have to” bisect myself into two halves, a public and private persona, the former vigilantly monitored, censored, and sterilized of anything that could reveal how I self-identified in the latter.
I had my reasons, some sound and some nonsensical. I do believe in a distinction between one’s professional life and their private one...
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Pt 3: After the first episode of television I shot went to air, it became clear to me that I was at least no longer anonymous. For the first time, I found myself stopped on the street, asked to take a picture by a complete stranger – part of the job I had willingly signed up for.
Fame, to whatever degree, is a tricky creature. In this day and age, particularly with the access offered by social media, it demands that you be On, that you be Yourself, Always, in your work and to your fans. In this way, the distinction between public and private has become blurry, begging questions like “to what extent do I share myself? Do what extent do I have to?” When it came to this differentiation of public/private, I was of the opinion that my sexuality could stay off the table. While my Coming Out was very important for me, I wanted to believe in a world where one’s sexuality was for the most part irrelevant. That it didn’t “matter,” or that at least it was something that didn’t need to or ideally shouldn’t ever have to be announced to a stranger, a new colleague, an interviewer. Even the words “Coming Out” bothered me. I took issue with them insofar as that “Coming Out” implied being greeted with attention, attention for something I would prefer to be implicitly just Human, an attribute or adjective that was only part of how I saw my whole self. I did not want to be defined by my sexuality. Sure, I am a proud gay man, but I don’t identify as a Gay man, or a GAY man, or just gay. I identify as a lot of things, these various identifications and identities taking up equal space and making up an ever-fluid sense of Self.
Furthermore, as an actor, I believed that my responsibility to the craft and the business was to remain benevolently neutral – I was a canvas, a chameleon, the next character. For the most part I had a duty to stay a Possibility in the eye of casting, directors, and the public. If I Came Out, I feared I would be limiting myself to a type, to a perception with limits that I was not professionally comfortable with. And I created in my imagination an Industry that was just as rigid in this belief as well.
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Member Since: 9/17/2010
Posts: 1,540
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AHHHHHHHHH YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Member Since: 9/13/2012
Posts: 29,559
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Awwww good for him, I always thought he might be gay. One of the iconic Scavo twins. Dad. 
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Member Since: 2/2/2009
Posts: 20,174
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Good for you Charlie but damn, these paragraphs 
EDIT: Wait, just saw the pic. The Housewives guy. Nice 
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Member Since: 4/13/2012
Posts: 3,421
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Isn't he the gay one in teen wolf too, or is his brother? Seems like a crazy coincidence.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 8,751
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 12,538
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About time 
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Member Since: 11/16/2011
Posts: 32,177
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Was he the one that was the gay one on Teen Wolf? I knew it!
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 2,511
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Good for him
he and his brother still look undercooked though
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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I loved him in Desperate Housewives and I love him now
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 7,228
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 17,141
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 58,053
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These paragraphs for a come out 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 8,883
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Congratulations 
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 17,447
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Member Since: 12/2/2011
Posts: 52,765
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 6,189
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I wonder about his brother now tho, don't twins have a statistically higher chance of both being gay 
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Member Since: 9/3/2011
Posts: 22,014
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Yaassss 
Good for him
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 17,938
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I accidentally read it as Charlie Puth
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 13,205
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Congrats
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