[Cyanide]

Sorry if this is the inappropriate section, but I'm not really sure where else to go. I'm really hoping the mods will keep this open because I just need a little bit of guidance and support. I came out to my mother last night/this morning after it being one of my biggest fears for my entire life. I feel really good, and a feel a real sense of clarity from doing this, but I'm really confused by her reaction and was hoping you guys could give me some advice on how/when I should react, and how I should go about educating her.

Just some background information on my mother: born and raised in Nigeria, one of the most homophobic countries in the world under a strict Christian household. FIRM believer. Very stubborn person in general, but loving and sweet. My sister (who fully supports me) and I are quite surprised by her reaction, so keep in mind that this is one of the best case scenarios honestly.


So here are the texts:




I know this is just a first reaction, but I'm scared she'll end up being like one of those parents that stays in denial about their kid's sexuality, reducing something that I've dealt with so much pain for as a "choice" like I'm sitting here imagining those parents who set their gay sons up on dates with women thinking that they'll "fix" them or something like that. Am I over-thinking? Idk


Also please don't troll or bring stanning into this, as we're all people, and a lot of us have faced similar struggles and know what a sensitive and strange time this is. Thanks

[°ColdFire°]

She's so deluded, dude. I feel bad for you, but you should call her and tell you are GAY and no God will change that.

Hopefully, everything will turn good for you!!

[RideOrDie]

She needs time and a lot of outside help, especially from places like LGBT friendly churches.

If I were you though, I'd keep the gay thing lowkey until you are financially independent (if you are not already)

Good luck.

[That Britney Face]

Stay positive about it all, and don't be scared about everything.

My mother bought a book when I came out, trying to understand everything, and it really helped her. Everyone has their own ways of coping with their children coming out, but this response seems much more positive than I've seen from friends who have come out.

Coming out is not easy, but you're not alone.

[ThatsTheTea]

She doesn't really love you if she can't accept you.
Give it some time and stay close with your sister

[Caprice]

She's 100% in denial so honestly all you can do is wait. If she truly loves you she will accept you for who you are, if she doesn't then you were better off her anyway.

[MusicTalker]

She's in denial. Take it really slowly; it may take her months to get it into her head that you are truly gay, and honestly, I would mentally prepare yourself to not be accepted by her in the future. Just brace yourself now so you are not devastated all at once. It sounds like she'll always love you, but you and her may not get along in the future at all if she can't learn to accept.

I know it's hard to hear, and I wish you all the best, but she literally ticked all the marks of a homophobic mother: citing the bible, calling it a choice, telling you to fix yourself and go back to the "root of the cause", etc.

[Raster]

no offense but she sounds very uneducated. You're better off not arguing with her about it seeing how stubborn she is

[Proseductice]

The good thing is she said she wouldn't push you away, and that she loves you. It's very possible she can accept it in time, but patience is virtue. However, like mentioned above, she may need to speak with someone about it so that she can understand it more.

I hope you can come to a point of understanding. Hang in there.

[Citrus]

My mother went down a similar route, as well. The whole "we can fix this" attitude, therapy, etc. She came around eventually but it wasn't a fast process. What you do next should probably depend on your relationship to your mom. Are you living with her? Financially dependent? If yes to either of those, be careful and prioritize your safety. If no, then I think it's in your best interest to be firm and reiterate that you are this way not by choice, but by design. God's design, at that, and you believe that he wants you to live, love, and be loved just as much as anyone else. That line of thinking helped appease my mom a bit since it still comes from the religious angle.

[Bad Blood]

She doesn't love you sis... No matter how close she is to you, you need to keep toxic people like her out of your life. You deserve an accepting environment and not her.

[Pure Heroin]

Did you come out via SMS to her? I would try to talk to her in person if I were you. It was so much easier for me to explain certain things to my parents that way.

[IMadeYouReadThis]

She's shook. She says she loves you. Give her time, don't push her. Help her understand...

Good luck

I am not out yet but my brother asked my parents what they would do with a gay child once (my brother is straight as an arrow and homophobic lol)

Mom said she would be sad but accept it. Dad said he'd be confused to whether to call us his 'son or daughter'

They are both atheists so when the time comes I think they'll be ok with it... There's other factors that are keeping me from coming out...

[Dark XXX]

I'm so sorry OP . I think it will take her a while to come around to it. Overly-religious parents try to find all sorts of ways to condemn and deny you being gay by quoting bible scriptures, praying etc.

But as your sister supports you then you should stick with her for a bit.

[Lukey]

As others have said, she's pretty much in denial and you'll have to give her some time to understand and process what is actually happening. Side note - I hate when people say "being Gay is a choice as no one made you that way". When I came out to my mum, she said she always knew I was Gay from when I was a baby... So ignorant.

I hope in the end everything works out for you, just give it time and you have support here. I'm also glad your sister supports you, that's very good to hear.

[duybeeGAshantiGA]

I feel you sis. Everything will get better !!

Just be yourself and wait. Let her know that you are who you are and nothing can change that. She loves you. Someday she will understand.

[fireaero]

Your mom might be misunderstanding the situation, but she's trying to be supportive and caring, so you're already in a good position so far

Because of her religious background, you should just give her time and take things easy. She'll gradually change her perspective after letting it all sink in.

[DevonDreams]

So... wait... She says she asked god for a male so you automatically cant be gay... What a mess.

I'll message you my thoughts.

[iheartBrit]

Stay strong. You know being gay is not a choice and that's what it comes down to. Hopefully she will come around one day. If not, then keep doing you. Live your life as your authentic self, it's way too short to live trying to be somebody you're not (just to please others around you).

[duybeeGAshantiGA]

Originally posted by Bad Blood

She doesn't love you sis... No matter how close she is to you, you need to keep toxic people like her out of your life. You deserve an accepting environment and not her.

What the....