[Lukey]

So this is what i have so far, i'm going off my feelings and it's only a draft, so you know, still working on it.

Only got the verses

I give you this final rose
Before I leave you and go
As I'm not the one you chose
And now my heart feels hollow

Yesterday you called and said
You would like to remain friends
But I'm the one you mislead
Could be too late for amends

thoughts :/

[Stark]

Stan for Dear John by Taylor Swift!

[keshaspearsxo]

Originally posted by EuphorianSea

Can I switch to the gun please?

[UFO]

I hope I don't shoot myself in the foot, pun intended

[Lukey]

Originally posted by JustLuke

So this is what i have so far, i'm going off my feelings and it's only a draft, so you know, still working on it.

Only got the verses

I give you this final rose
Before I leave you and go
As I'm not the one you chose
And now my heart feels hollow

Yesterday you called and said
You would like to remain friends
But I'm the one you mislead
Could be too late for amends

thoughts :/

bump

[Temporal]

Originally posted by JustLuke

So this is what i have so far, i'm going off my feelings and it's only a draft, so you know, still working on it.

Only got the verses

I give you this final rose
Before I leave you and go
As I'm not the one you chose
And now my heart feels hollow

Yesterday you called and said
You would like to remain friends
But I'm the one you mislead
Could be too late for amends

thoughts :/

I think you're stressing the wrong syllable between go and hollow, and I'm not feeling the last two lines of the second stanza.

[Tymps.]

i was SINGING REALLY LOUDLY AND I DIDN'T REALIZE MY MOM LEFT THE WINDOW OPEN AND I'M SOOO SOOO EMBARRASSED HELP ME PLAESE

[Truth Teller]

Originally posted by Tymps.

i was SINGING REALLY LOUDLY AND I DIDN'T REALIZE MY MOM LEFT THE WINDOW OPEN AND I'M SOOO SOOO EMBARRASSED HELP ME PLAESE

I do that all the time. My neighbour's dog always barks when I do high notes, but I'm not sure if it's extremely insulting or extremely flattering

[UFO]

Originally posted by Tymps.

i was SINGING REALLY LOUDLY AND I DIDN'T REALIZE MY MOM LEFT THE WINDOW OPEN AND I'M SOOO SOOO EMBARRASSED HELP ME PLAESE

This is adorable and ****ing hilarious

[posh]

My song is going to be about driving down the street and hearing someone inside one of the houses singing really loudly. The narrator falls in love with the voice, but can't tell which house it's coming from. He then drives past the house everyday, hoping that he'd be able to hear the voice again and pinpoint the location, but he never does.

[Stark]

ddddddddd

We're two islands, lost in the high tide.
We're so close, but at the same time so far apart.
We're like diamonds, we're ghosts in disguise.
We're like roses, we're works of art.

We got lost in an ocean of echoes,
your name still resounds through my mind.
We crossed our own shadows, and now
we're both to blame, shouldn't have played blind.

[Lukey]

Originally posted by ClarksonSlays

I think you're stressing the wrong syllable between go and hollow, and I'm not feeling the last two lines of the second stanza.

Hmm, what don't you like about the last two lines?

And what do you mean about the syllable?

[Temporal]

Originally posted by Tymps.

i was SINGING REALLY LOUDLY AND I DIDN'T REALIZE MY MOM LEFT THE WINDOW OPEN AND I'M SOOO SOOO EMBARRASSED HELP ME PLAESE

Only be embarrassed if you were screaming some trash song

[Truth Teller]

Originally posted by posh

My song is going to be about driving down the street and hearing someone inside one of the houses singing really loudly. The narrator falls in love with the voice, but can't tell which house it's coming from. He then drives past the house everyday, hoping that he'd be able to hear the voice again and pinpoint the location, but he never does.

I STAN FOR THIS

[Tymps.]

Originally posted by ClarksonSlays

Only be embarrassed if you were screaming some trash song

It was this:



So trashy.

[Temporal]

Originally posted by dwuw

ddddddddd

We're two islands, lost in the high tide.
We're so close, but at the same time so far apart.
We're like diamonds, we're ghosts in disguise.
We're like roses, we're works of art.

We got lost in an ocean of echoes,
your name still resounds through my mind.
We crossed our own shadows, and now
we're both to blame, shouldn't have played blind.

Ugh, I love the imagery, especially the first line, but I think the syllable count and cop-out rhymes hinder you

Originally posted by JustLuke

Hmm, what don't you like about the last two lines?

And what do you mean about the syllable?

The last two lines seem like cliché's, and I think TT would be better at explaining stresses because I don't fully understand them, but hollow and go sound awkward together.

[posh]

Originally posted by Truth Teller

I STAN FOR THIS

I only said that to reference Tymps' post, but I kind of want to do it for real now.

Like when Eric hears Ariel's voice.

[Truth Teller]

Tymps. baby, my 5th grade teacher caught me singing Beautiful at the top of my lungs as she was walking past the boys bathroom. If I could live that down, so can you

[Temporal]

Originally posted by Tymps.

It was this:



So trashy.

Oh my god that song is so ****ing aggravating it's making me want to cut my ears off.

[Aurora]

I have no idea what to pick.