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Discussion: ATRL Songwriter's Thread | Jacktrus gain dual #1
Member Since: 2/18/2012
Posts: 25,853
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
Jack!, the instrumental of your song reminds me of "Take Care"! Anyway, it sounds good  |
I've actually never listened to that song.  Thank you though!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Dammit I came running in here to read Tymp's song 
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 5,341
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I wrote another song and I thought I'd post it here, since I really like this one and the imagery and such.
 DesperadoYou’re a desperado
If I’d known that then
Would’ve never given you my heart
Oh, you’re way too reckless
You’re kicking ass, you’re taking names
And you’re tearing our love apart
Can’t you see everything falling in front of our eyes?
Can you get off your horse and fix the cracks this time?
You’re the cause, be the solution
You have a heart
But are you capable of using it?
You have a soul
But is your mind even aware of it?
I got a glimpse of your heart
And you gave me your soul
But when I look now, I find
That your spirit has turned to stone
You strut around
You preen like a peacock
Because you know you’re the talk of the town
You don’t shoo away
The flies that come around
Trying to get a little taste of your honey
I’m not sure where to go from here
When I need you most, you disappear
You have a heart
But are you capable of using it?
You have a soul
But is your mind even aware of it?
I got a glimpse of your heart
And you gave me your soul
But when I look now, I find
That your spirit has turned to stone
And I could stay
Yes, I could linger
Be the one always trying to cry on your shoulder
But alas, that’s not my wish
When I look at my life, I see more for me than this
I don’t need this paltry love
I don’t need your kiss
You have a heart
But you’re not capable of using it
You have a soul
But I don’t know that you are aware of it
I see I never had your heart
And your soul is so dark
And I cannot let you steal the light from my heart
When I look now, I see all the cracks in our love
And I can’t give you more, you have taken so much
And the love in your eyes, I see now it has died
How did that escape my notice for all of this time?
And on looking back now, I finally see the truth
You’re a desperado
And I can’t trust my love to you
So I look now and find that my spirit also turns to stone
Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
This thread is my bookmark for ATRL so I always bump it whenever someone hasn't posted in a week 
I genuinely love this  I don't say that often. This is super good |
Also, I came back because I wanted to say thank you! 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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Just stared writing a new song, it's not finished yet but it's supposed to be a dark dance-pop track. The lyrics are really basic but it's supposed to go with the production of the song. Eventually when I learn how to make the beat I'll try to finish the lyrics too. Picture hard-hitting kick-drums when you read these lyrics it might help
Abuse Me
[Chorus]:
Abuse me, abuse me,
Boy, why don't you just use me?
Abuse me, abuse me,
Boy, why don't you just use me?
I want you to, use all of me,
I want you to, take all of me,
I want you to, use my body,
I want you to, be free (be free).
[Pre-verse]:
I want you to, abuse all of me,
I want you to, abuse every part of me,
I want you to, abuse all of me,
I want you to, abuse every part of me.
[Verse 1]:
Abuse my body, make me feel weak,
Tell me I'm young, tell me I'm hot,
Call me a cutie. Tell me how it's gonna be?
Tell me do you love me? 'Cause at the end of the night,
All I want is for you to keep me company.
[Chorus]:
Abuse me, abuse me,
Boy, why don't you just use me?
Abuse me, abuse me,
Boy, why don't you just use me?
I want you to, use all of me,
I want you to, take all of me,
I want you to, use my body,
I want you to, be free (be free).
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/1/2012
Posts: 15,668
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jezang Looz
Just stared writing a new song, it's not finished yet but it's supposed to be a dark dance-pop track. The lyrics are really basic but it's supposed to go with the production of the song. Eventually when I learn how to make the beat I'll try to finish the lyrics too. Picture hard-hitting kick-drums when you read these lyrics it might help
Abuse Me
[Chorus]:
Abuse me, abuse me,
Boy, why don't you just use me?
Abuse me, abuse me,
Boy, why don't you just use me?
I want you to, use all of me,
I want you to, take all of me,
I want you to, use my body,
I want you to, be free (be free).
[Pre-verse]:
I want you to, abuse all of me,
I want you to, abuse every part of me,
I want you to, abuse all of me,
I want you to, abuse every part of me.
[Verse 1]:
Abuse my body, make me feel weak,
Tell me I'm young, tell me I'm hot,
Call me a cutie. Tell me how it's gonna be?
Tell me do you love me? 'Cause at the end of the night,
All I want is for you to keep me company.
[Chorus]:
Abuse me, abuse me,
Boy, why don't you just use me?
Abuse me, abuse me,
Boy, why don't you just use me?
I want you to, use all of me,
I want you to, take all of me,
I want you to, use my body,
I want you to, be free (be free).
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Nice I can picture a beat to this 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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Quote:
Originally posted by AriNikoBradshaw
Nice I can picture a beat to this |
Thanks 
I'm trying to make current sounding catchy pop songs to pitch to some A&R executives but it's hard since I don't play any instruments or sing. I have to make the melody up in my head lol but it's a lot of fun that way imo. I'll post the rest of the album by next month but I just can't find the motivation to finish 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/1/2012
Posts: 15,668
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jezang Looz
Thanks
I'm trying to make current sounding catchy pop songs to pitch to some A&R executives but it's hard since I don't play any instruments or sing. I have to make the melody up in my head lol but it's a lot of fun that way imo. I'll post the rest of the album by next month but I just can't find the motivation to finish |
Auto tune sis 
But it is a dance song, so why not make a demo with melodyned or auto tuned vox? Would be better to send to execs than by doing the melody with a synth
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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Quote:
Originally posted by AriNikoBradshaw
Auto tune sis
But it is a dance song, so why not make a demo with melodyned or auto tuned vox? Would be better to send to execs than by doing the melody with a synth |
Because I'm lazy and I wanted someone else to do that part for me but in all reality I'll probably end up doing that. ugh I didn't wanna download more programs 'cause my laptop is so old but if I can't find a producer partner then I'll do it.
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Member Since: 2/18/2012
Posts: 25,853
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Member Since: 8/28/2012
Posts: 6,267
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Started writing a little something today, it's about when you're in a relationship with somebody who is just never content and is too busy looking at other guys to appreciate the good thing he's got going on.
Quote:
TELL ME WHY
Here we again, tears are in your eyes
Telling me you've made a mistake and you swear that its the last time
You say you'll make it up to me, you tell me that you're sorry
So I will do what I always do and foolishly forgive you
CHORUS:
Oh tell me why
You always got your eye
Set on someone other than me
Coz somewhere down the line
You always realize
That I'm the one that makes you happy
But you do this all the time
Go out your way to find
Something that you're leaving behind
So tell me why, you always got your eye
Set on someone other than me
Sometimes I wish that you could know exactly how it feels to be in my shoes
But I would never do those things to you
You tell me that you love me, you tell me that you care
So why do you make our love a burden for me to bare?
CHORUS
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Is what I've got so far 
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 5,341
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New song! I love this thread. Songwriting helps me get so much out, even when it's not about like something I'm going through atm.
Supernova
You’re a supernova
You burned out my eyes
You blocked out the sun
You made me believe I was the only one
You’re a supernova
And now my universe will never the same
(Same, same, same, same, same)
When you’re standing next to me
I can feel you shining, with such an intensity
Like the heat of a billion suns
Feels like you’ll burn me up whenever you’re close to me
Never felt this way before
Your love’s so strange, it cannot be from this galaxy
Don’t care about risks, I need more
It’s too good to ponder on what it could do to me
You’re a supernova
You burned out my eyes
You blocked out the sun
You made me believe I was the only one
You’re a supernova
And now my universe will never the same
(Same, same, same, same, same)
At first, it seemed like a meteor
But then I realized just how much you had shaken me
You rocked me to my very core
I never knew myself, I never knew I could love so deep
But I have tasted, and I yearn
Won’t let you slip through my hands
I didn’t know I could need like this
Now you’re traversing my lands
And you’re my supernova
You burned out my eyes
You blocked out the sun
You made me believe I was the only one
You’re my supernova
So now my universe will never the same
(Same, same, same, same, same)
We’ll never be the same
I was resigned to life on Earth
But I guess that wasn’t the plan
You barged in, you took control
For an interstellar romance
We’ll be written in the stars
Our love engraved in space
There’s nothing that can stop us now
We are content in our place
And you’re my supernova
You’re my supernova
You burned out my eyes
You blocked out the sun
You made me believe I was the only one
You’re my supernova
So now my universe will never the same
(Same, same, same, same, same)
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Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 240
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Guess who just made an Lion-King-inspired theme song!?
I wanna share it, but I need to know if "Dala" actually means something in a different language…
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Hello, so I'm not gonna delete my post this time but I'm in a songwriting competition on ATRL called Platinum Hit. This round we had to write two songs so here are mine. Right now we're in the semi-finals so this round is really important. If you could take a little time out of your day and give me some feedback on either one I'd be really grateful 
Its Not Okay
I don’t want to pick a fight
I just want to be right
I don’t want to hurt a soul
Master of self-control
What a lovely crucifix
One that I could fit right in
Every movement makes me flinch
I don’t want to be without guarantee
Hands off, I’ll flow downstream
I’ll make sure to keep it clean
I’m a human trampoline
Bounce off me, when you’re off-key
I promise I won’t say a word
Please don’t leave me out alone
Murdered autonomy on its own
I don’t think I’ll last too long
I was never very strong
I couldn’t even lift myself
Couldn’t climb out of this well
Every movement makes me wince
I don’t want to be without guarantee
Hands off, I’ll flow downstream
I’ll make sure to keep it clean
I’m a human trampoline
Bounce off me, when you’re off-key
I promise I won’t say a word
I scraped myself so much that I started to bleed
Please tell me it’s okay
And all I have is bright red sheets
Please tell me it’s okay
I thought I could be complete
Please tell me it’s okay
Promise that you won’t deceit
Please tell me it’s okay
I Deserve More
This place never was enough for me
It always kept me on a leash
The collar choked me without respect
So I learned my bite could set me free
Don’t tell me that I’m in the wrong
Because it was you who started this war
I wasn’t what you adored
And I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
And you were never enough for me
You always kept me in a tree
The vines engulfed me like a mean trap
So I used my claws to set me free
Don’t tell me that I’m in the wrong
Because it was you who started this war
I wasn’t what you adored
And I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
You gave me nothing and I deserved it all
And if there’s one thing you should know it’s that I’m your fault
You were the one who made me this
Pushed me down the stairs and ripped out all my hair
One by one until I had none
Wasn’t it fun
Don’t tell me that I’m in the wrong
Because it was you who started this war
I wasn’t what you adored
And I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Nice to know I'll make to the finals, thanks Tymps! 
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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I'm prepping my next single. Sometimes you gotta trust your instincts and go with your flow. I'll share it after the Platinum Hit finale! 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 18,655
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This song sucks
Why are we here
The place that I fear
Is this the crossroads
Or is it just the end of the rope
You told me that you'd never hurt my heart
and all you did was throw another dart.
As it's flying through the air
this is all I can hear
Baby I'm sorry
Please don't leave me
I'll try to do better next time
I'll make you see
You're the one that I love
I hope you believe me
Baby don't go
I still love you so
I can't help but think
of why you'd ever hurt me this way
That's an answer I can't seem to find
I thought you were only mine
You told me that you'd never hurt my heart
and all you did was throw another dart
As it starts to pierce my skin
You start to plead once again
Baby I'm sorry
Please don't leave me
I'll try to do better next time
I'll make you see
It was just one time
I still want you to be mine
Baby please don't go
I still love you so
What am I suppose to do
All I ever wanted was you
Through all the hurt and the tears
I'm never going back there again
It's time to turn this around
Try to pick up the pieces from the ground
I see the trusty loud and clear
I just shed my last, final tear
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by Saint BeyNavi
This song sucks but it will do for now
Why are we here
The place that I fear
Is this the crossroads
Or is it just the end of the rope
You told me that you'd never hurt my heart
and all you did was throw another dart.
As it's flying through the air
this is all I can hear
Baby I'm sorry
Please don't leave me
I'll try to do better next time
I'll make you see
You're the one that I love
I hope you believe me
Baby don't go
I still love you so
I can't help but think
of why you'd ever hurt me this way
That's an answer I can't seem to find
I thought you were only mine
You told me that you'd never hurt my heart
and all you did was throw another dart
As it starts to pierce my skin
You start to plead once again
Baby I'm sorry
Please don't leave me
I'll try to do better next time
I'll make you see
It was just one time
I still want you to be mine
Baby please don't go
I still love you so
What am I suppose to do
All I ever wanted was you
Through all the hurt and the tears
I'm never going back there again
It's time to turn this around
Try to pick up the pieces from the ground
I see the trusty loud and clear
I just shed my last, final tear |
Get rid of the apostrophe…
Maybe a stronger hook and it would be perfect… 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 18,655
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Get rid of the apostrophe…
Maybe a stronger hook and it would be perfect… |
It was all I could think of at the moment but thanks!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tymps.
Hello, so I'm not gonna delete my post this time but I'm in a songwriting competition on ATRL called Platinum Hit. This round we had to write two songs so here are mine. Right now we're in the semi-finals so this round is really important. If you could take a little time out of your day and give me some feedback on either one I'd be really grateful
Its Not Okay
I don’t want to pick a fight
I just want to be right
I don’t want to hurt a soul
Master of self-control
What a lovely crucifix
One that I could fit right in
Every movement makes me flinch
I don’t want to be without guarantee
Hands off, I’ll flow downstream
I’ll make sure to keep it clean
I’m a human trampoline
Bounce off me, when you’re off-key
I promise I won’t say a word
Please don’t leave me out alone
Murdered autonomy on its own
I don’t think I’ll last too long
I was never very strong
I couldn’t even lift myself
Couldn’t climb out of this well
Every movement makes me wince
I don’t want to be without guarantee
Hands off, I’ll flow downstream
I’ll make sure to keep it clean
I’m a human trampoline
Bounce off me, when you’re off-key
I promise I won’t say a word
I scraped myself so much that I started to bleed
Please tell me it’s okay
And all I have is bright red sheets
Please tell me it’s okay
I thought I could be complete
Please tell me it’s okay
Promise that you won’t deceit
Please tell me it’s okay
I Deserve More
This place never was enough for me
It always kept me on a leash
The collar choked me without respect
So I learned my bite could set me free
Don’t tell me that I’m in the wrong
Because it was you who started this war
I wasn’t what you adored
And I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
And you were never enough for me
You always kept me in a tree
The vines engulfed me like a mean trap
So I used my claws to set me free
Don’t tell me that I’m in the wrong
Because it was you who started this war
I wasn’t what you adored
And I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
You gave me nothing and I deserved it all
And if there’s one thing you should know it’s that I’m your fault
You were the one who made me this
Pushed me down the stairs and ripped out all my hair
One by one until I had none
Wasn’t it fun
Don’t tell me that I’m in the wrong
Because it was you who started this war
I wasn’t what you adored
And I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
I deserve more, I deserve more
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Hmm, just curious why did you named the first song It's Not Okay? I love the lyrics and I think you have a song great opener with the 1st verse, hooked me in right away. The 3rd stanza didn't sound like it flowed right to me... particularly the last two lines.
I couldn't even lift myself
Couldn't climb out of this well
Every moment made me see
I don’t want to be without guarantee
I'd change the lyrics to something like that instead of makes me wince. I know it matches the structure in the first verse makes me flinch, but idk I just don't like wince here lol Also, I might not have the right melody in mind when I'm reading it so that could be why I feel that way. Anyways GL in the contest seems like fun!
Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
Nice to know I'll make to the finals, thanks Tymps! |
mess.  I didn't know there was a competition lemme go enter next time
Quote:
Originally posted by Jezang Looz
Just stared writing a new song, it's not finished yet but it's supposed to be a dark dance-pop track. The lyrics are really basic but it's supposed to go with the production of the song. Eventually when I learn how to make the beat I'll try to finish the lyrics too. Picture hard-hitting kick-drums when you read these lyrics it might help |
And as promised here is my final version of Abuse Me. I have to make the production but that won't happen til late August I'm guessing. It's taking me longer to finish this album than I thought 
Abuse Me
Abuse Me — lyrics
Written by Me
[Pre-Hook] [x2]
Abuse me, abuse me
Boy, why don't you just use me
Abuse me, abuse me
Boy, why don't you just use me
I want you to, use all of me
I want you to, take all of me
I want you to, use my body
I want you to, be free (be free)
[Hook]
I want you to abuse all of me
I want you to, abuse every part of me
I want you to abuse all of me
I want you to, abuse every part of me
[Verse 1]
Abuse my body, make me feel weak
Tell me I'm young, tell me I'm hot
Call me cutie. Tell me how it's gonna be
Tell me do you love me
'Cause at the end of the night
All I want is for you to keep me company
[Pre-Hook + Hook]
[Verse 2]
Abuse my body, can you handle me
The passion inside, drives me wild
Turns me into a freak. Tell me do you wanna see
Think you’ll still love me
‘Cause at the end of the night
All I want is for you to lay beside me
[Pre-Hook + Hook]
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