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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Hmm whose comments should I post next?
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All of them 
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Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
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I wonder if I made Hug's top 5 like I made lovesong's. 
Or maybe bottom 5. I guess I'll hope for middle ground?
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Vulnicura slaying this round and me being in Huga's hints.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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lovesong's Comments
Quote:
01. swiftie13 – Heal
I liked the verses and the way you used repetition per each line was strong. I was a bit skeptical on the concept of the song at first, but I think it worked reasonably well in that you used a fairly different approach.. The song itself is fine, it borders poetry or prose rather than a rhythmic song, but as usual your language is strong and clear and you’ve really fleshed it out. It might be useful to take things a little simpler next time to help get the point across even better.
02. UFO – Paradise
Your imagery is as per usual very flushed and descriptive. In a song like this I think that really helps bring it to the next level to communicate the emotions you are aiming for. It is a very dark song and I like the little glimmer of hope that was there in the chorus. I really got the purpose of what you were writing and you expressed it beautifully.
03. Buyonce1814 – Change
I like that Lauryn Hill was an inspiration to you, and I did feel like that you managed that while keeping your own writing style in place. I think the flow worked well, especially since it can be difficult to do a rap song. The only problem I had was that some of the lines were a bit too weak and not imaginative enough. But I like the social message, you wrote from the heart, and the entire sentiment was very powerful.
04. jpow – Something Better
Really loved the approach you took, especially with the differing perspectives. To me, this felt like the kind of song a pop diva like Madonna would create in the modern age, reflecting on the world and providing a commentary. I liked the structure, particularly in the verses – everything was very tight. It’s a great concept, but I was a little underwhelmed by the listing of the chorus.
05. TheCheetahwings – Desensitized
As per usual, your writing is very concise and polished which is brilliant. As you continue to grow I’m also seeing more clarity in your ideas. Your chorus is tight and effective and I really loved certain lines that had a very artistic approach. Every line felt very elegant and meticulously placed, seriously – good job.
06. ausdaniel – Truce
I like that you wrote from a perspective you were connected to, and I appreciate you sharing that with us. The pre-chorus was very strong and bold which elevated the atmosphere of the song. My only concern was that the verses were a bit on the short side, I think if you had really hammered them out some more it would have given your song even more to stand on.
07. ClarksonSlays – Stars of Dusk
Oooh chilling. Much like UFO’s, your imagery is brilliantly poetic and really helps tie everything together. I love how descriptive your lines were, and they felt very artistic. I liked the concept a lot, and your writing is very polished and focused. One area that I think you could work on is word choice, and avoiding using the same descriptive words too often, it might cause them to lose their impact if you use them repeatedly.
08. Achilles. – Hatred Over Love (Created Equal)
I want to start by saying that I appreciate how so many of you wrote from the heart to topics that you could relate to or felt connected to. I love the repetition of the line “just because of who [x] love” - it was a very effective use of repetition and helped ground your song. Honestly, I felt this was like a return to form for you, it was brilliantly poetic, nicely written and had a lot of impact. You pulled from real life, but it still aimed for something imaginative. Excellent work.
09. 8thPrince – Axe
Good lord that chorus >>. You have such a distinct way of writing and the word choices you use are both innovative and outside-the-box yet they feel natural. I liked the imagery that you had, and the structure was very strong. You took a very unique approach to your concept so I really appreciate that. I was a little turned off by the bridge, which I felt wasn’t as strong as the rest of the song but overall it was great.
10. Vulnicura – Island
You took a really creative approach to your concept and really went for a bold choice. I think you also pulled it off nicely! I think the more political songs can be a bit difficult to manage but I appreciate your approach. I like the chorus and the imagery you used (“halo on my head, wire in my neck”). The entire song was very chilling and you really took it all the way which I appreciate. You managed a delicate situation delicately, and made me believe you.
11. Moonchild – Devil May Care
Interesting how you tied religion in. I’ve been getting a little tired of the religious themes, but actually you managed it well, which was refreshing! I like how your structure is concise and to the point, it makes the song feel very natural. By using questions to frame your song, I think you established the tone nicely and it helped with getting your point across. Shout out to the entire first verse by the way, probably one of the strongest selections from you this whole season! Nice job.
12. Dylobs – One More Time
This was very touching from you. The song was filled with emotion, and written in such a brilliant way. I love that you wrote something you know about and I think that helped to elevate the approach. Gosh, this was probably the saddest song of the bunch, particularly that chorus. I could imagine this being a very difficult song to sing live, but at the same time I like that you took the opportunity to talk about something people tend to overlook.
13. Element – The World Is a Child
A nice and simple approach to your song: almost never a bad thing especially when you have substance to back it up. I loved the structure of the song because it was kind of out of the box and I appreciate such a risk. I think you could have painted more of a picture at times to really hammer it out but I felt like this was a strong start and I loved the concluding two lines from the chorus a lot.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vulnicura
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Everyone getting amazing feedback. 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Everyone applauding my verses but slightly dragging the chorus. That was what I was worried about 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
Well since lovesong confirmed ha hints, lemme confirm mine
Top 3: Vulnicura (Assist/Assisted Suicide)
ClarksonSlays (You were right about the Dusk Stone thing)
Moonchild (Giratina is often considered the Pokemon version of the Devil, and your song title had Devil in it)
Bottom 3: Buyonce1814 (Ditto can change its appearance, and your song was called Change)
TheCheetahwings (James was holding a weapon, which you said to put down in your song)
Swiftie13 (Chansey is regarded in the Pokemon world for its healing abilities, and your song was called Heal)
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WAIT I WASN'T IN YOUR BOTTOM 3????????????
Love Lovesong's comments. Thank you very much! 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Thank you for your critique, lovesong! I'm honestly surprised my song has received generally positive feedback. Come through, Sam and GS!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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This gif 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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My roommate is such a dumbass UGGGGGGGGGGH don't ask why I don't talk to you it's cuz you're dull as dirt.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
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Bottom 3 of Huga and top 5 of lovesong Nervous for GotSkill & Sam's comments.
Quote:
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As per usual, your writing is very concise and polished which is brilliant. As you continue to grow I’m also seeing more clarity in your ideas. Your chorus is tight and effective and I really loved certain lines that had a very artistic approach. Every line felt very elegant and meticulously placed, seriously – good job.
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Thank you I'm glad you liked it so much 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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I'm ready to be dragged by Sam again
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Everyone getting positive feedback 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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My "quick comments" turning into essays again.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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GotSkill's Comments
Quote:
01. swiftie13 – Heal
This read more like a poem to me than a song. In places this felt a little all over the place, and lines like “we’re curious, we’re clustered” and “we’re growing electric but phobic” read extremely awkwardly. The chorus felt too long and wordy and kind of skirted around its message where it should have been portrayed more powerfully. The verses felt much more structured than the chorus, but I was happy to at least see some form of structure in this song.
02. UFO – Paradise
Did you just write a song about how you support eugenics  ? A Denver airport teas. Even though your subject matter was a bit left of field I did enjoy this song. Your flow was the best it’s been this season. You took a different approach from the last two weeks in that this song’s themes were more direct and in your face. The chorus was definitely the best part of the song. It conveyed your themes well and did so in a catchy way. This was a social message in a very roundabout way, but it does fit the challenge.
03. Buyonce1814 – Change
This read like a Lupe Fiasco song to me in some ways. You captured a style and flow that fit well into hip hop. Still, your song lacked any type of distinct hook or anything that grabbed me into your song. You had some nice lines in your verses, but the chorus was too generic and didn’t really support any of it. The song did also border on preachy at times, but it fit the challenge well. As a side note, I did read your note you attached and I’m glad you made the effort to submit something. That really looks good to the judges and could help your chances of being saved. We’re happy to see some form of dedication to the game.
04. jpow – Something Better
This song started out much stronger than it ended. The line “his life scrambled by assumption” was by far the strongest in the song. The chorus read like a political Pitbull song, and the second verse was confusing and much weaker than the first. How was she homophobic and gay? Perhaps I read it wrong. In all, the song lacked focus and should have stuck with the themes in the first verse, and strengthened those themes in the chorus instead of making them more generic.
05. TheCheetahwings – Desensitized
This entry kind of surprised me. After a stream of mostly lackluster entries this was surprisingly strong, and definitely one of your best, if not the definitive best. You conveyed your messages extremely clearly and included enough interesting language to keep your song from seeming boring and preachy. There were a few awkward lines, however, and the whole gamma ray section came off as forced. With a few edits and tweak this could have been an incredible entry. Hopefully it’s just a taste of what’s to come in your future. Perhaps you’ll turn into the MattyTacos of this season.
06. ausdaniel – Truce
This reminds me a lot of a song you submitted in season 6, but I can’t remember the name of it. I appreciate that you wrote about something so close to you and something you can understand personally, but those emotions and feelings weren’t conveyed very effectively to me. This song seemed pretty generic for the most part. There really were no standout lines, and the bird call line was a bit awkward.
07. ClarksonSlays – Stars of Dusk
Your biggest hurdle this season, and something I’ve only seen you overcome once, is being able to balance imagery and emotion. You always have beautiful imagery and poeticism in your songs. The words themselves are always stunning. Still, I rarely feel any sort of emotional attachment between you and your songs and this is no exception. For a song meant to be sung after a tragedy, it comes off rather disconnected. I loved the chorus, but I would’ve preferred something a bit less metaphoric for this type of song.
08. Achilles. – Hatred Over Love (Created Equal)
I could sense a little bit of heat here. This is definitely something you’re passionate about, which is really what I was looking for in this challenge. At times the song bordered on cheesy, especially in the title, and screamed BTW era Gaga a little too much for my liking (meaning it came across preachy). Still, I loved the passion and some of the arguments you made in the song.
09. 8thPrince – Axe
This song started out beautifully. The intro was perfect and set up your song perfectly. The first verse was a bit clunky, however. By the chorus you had regained your momentum. Still, I’m not quite sure what the axe metaphor meant and for me that detracted from the song. Perhaps I’m just completely out of it as far as this metaphor goes, but the fact that I couldn’t understand the central theme of your song made it much less powerful. Perhaps for the same reason I’m not quite sure what the social message of this is.
10. Vulnicura – Island
This was beautiful  . Your flow, your imagery, your metaphors, your emotion… it was all there and it was all perfect. If anything, I can’t quite give you a perfect challenge score because it worked more effectively as a story than a social message, but you just earned my second 10 of the season. Some highlights: “lived as a king with fulsome fortune ready to renounce this rusted throne”, “missing the embrace of my lover/ accepting the end of my glory days”
11. Moonchild – Devil May Care
This was less of a social message and more retaliation against religion, which I can appreciate but also admit doesn’t quite fit the challenge. Still, you submitted a great song. The chorus especially was a highlight, and you fit your title into the song extremely well. I can see this almost being a “Raise Your Glass”-esque singalong. I like the abyss line, yet the word abyss itself feels clunky in that line. The prechorus could have been executed a bit better as well.
12. Dylobs – One More Time
Recently I’ve become a huge fan of your writing. As I’ve become more accustomed to it I’ve noticed various nuances that contribute to the brilliance of your style. The double meaning of the first line of the chorus was stunningly executed. Only a few awkward lines (“when she thinks she is in the clear”, for example) hinder the otherwise breathtaking storytelling and emotion present in this song. The bridge, especially, in its repetition and hopeless simplicity, stands out among the mass of mediocrity this week (sorry guys but it’s true) to make you and your entry stand out.
13. Element – The World Is a Child
Are you the new 8thPrince? This song is extremely similar to your entry last week in its writing style, and I really appreciate. I love how you convey adult themes through the eyes of a child and metaphors of children without them coming off as “childish”. Your style here also remind me of my songs in the second half of last season, where you use simplicity to your advantage. I know you didn’t have much time this week, so I REALLY appreciate that you still put in some time and pulled off a great entry instead of dropping out.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 31,895
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omg thank you gotskill
it's interesting. this whole "child" theme stemmed from sam's balloon assignment for me last week. when i was given that theme, the first thing that came to my mind was the image of the silhouette child letting go of their red balloon ( http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ky...no1_r1_400.jpg)
then, i had to write a poem for my creative writing class on Monday, which is when I wrote the poem entitled TWIAC, as a reflection on the paris attacks and its fallout. i had been thinking of the child metaphor since i wrote "float away" last week, so i was inspired in this poem. then, when i couldn't make my original message work for this song, i adapted my poem into TWIAC: the song.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Vulnicura continuing his scalping
Disappointed with my GS review 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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a 10 from GS
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