ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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All Reviews
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1. Hugamari - I Can Not Face Reality
Intsrumental 7 (Swiftie13)
Lyrics: It's "cannot" not "can not" you fat ****. I liked your concept and how you structured this, I think you utilized each part of the song effectively and to your advantage. The concept wasn't brilliant or anything we haven't read before, but I really liked the development in this. The rhymes definitely toed the line of easy and lazy, while "Cry/Vice" was downright sinful. The second verse was far darker and morbid than the rest of the song and could've been toned down a notch or two.
Recording: The melody in the verse/pre-chorus was pretty bland, and there was only a little difference between the two structures but they kept the same general shape. Those sections needed a little more nuance. I loved the chorus melody, though!
Overall: A solid entry and a good start to the challenge for me.
2. Vision - Memories
Instrumental 4 (swiftie13)
Lyrics: Your subject had a lot more emotional merit than what you conveyed with your lyrics. You didn't really hit hard enough on really powerful images and scenes of an abusive relationship, which seems kind of odd considering this is a Vision song. The "ruby lips" image felt trite as well. I really liked the scene with the marriage and the replaying of the memories, though.
Recording: I am SCREAMING at you pitching your vocals down  The way that the melody just drops out on "marred" is really poorly done. When I was just reading the stanza with "ruby lips" I had trouble with the flow and the recording just confirmed what I was thinking, the melody and rhythm were very sloppy there. Overall this did drag a bit but the instrumental really doesn't make room for a lot of energy (no tea no shade). I thought it was overall fine but there wasn't anything to keep my interest.
Overall: A decent entry but definitely a little weak for this point in the game.
3. Citrus - Dear Marcus
Instrumental 6 (swiftie13)
Lyrics: So. Many. WORDS! You did kind of break the nature of the letter in some instances, though, for example: "When I was 10 you told me daddy didn’t wanna leave / He was a secret agent undercover overseas" The second line is unnecessary since you're addressing someone who already knew he was an agent overseas. Otherwise I really liked the narrative and your style.
Recording: The intro was SUCH a kii The way you "rapped" this was just really funny, which to me conflicts somewhat the emotional/sincere lyrics. You did kind of rap this like a letter though, which was a nice touch. I liked the chorus.
Overall: A nice entry that needs a little work.
4. CountryBritney - Into the Light
Instrumental 4 (swiftie13)
Lyrics: Again, your lyrics are a bit too dense. Something like the pre-chorus is more along the lines of what you should be going for. "Wanting to retaliate but you know you mustn't" and "The power of your mind, is what will summon them" are examples of really stiff language that just doesn't work with a melodic flow. Nitpick: I think "mind" should've been plural in the bridge as well, and I wanted "with" to be "while."
Recording: I wanted the chorus to have a little more punch, or at least a really signature melody. This was a mistake the others have made thus far as well, the verse and chorus's melodies are overly similar, when it needs a hook or just needs to be different. Your melody did match the instrumental, though.
Overall: Though I did like the concept, I wasn't really feeling this.
5. TheCheetahWings - In My Eyes
Instrumental 5 (swiftie13)
Lyrics: The lyrics were really appropriate for a pop song - the "In my eyes" hook was really well done - but there were some clunky or weird lines, like "The true colors you paint" (wtf is this supposed to mean), and "Cause you’re not a saint / But this is no surprise". "You are a shadow in the dark" came across as oddly direct, and "Your cascades shining blue" was weird as well. The lyrics were a little bit above average, but the recording exceeded your lyrics which was a bit odd.
Recording: The rhythm got REALLY off in the bridge and especially the final chorus, while "Before we burned out with the stars" had to be rushed really badly. I thought the melody stayed in the upper reaches of the singer's register for too long, it could've been a bit more relaxed in the verses. Still, this was the most "song-y" entry yet.
Overall: A nice job and a complete song.
6. feelslikeadream - Sandman
Instrumental 4 (swiftie13)
Lyrics: Solid overall, my main issues just being minor quips, like why "Gold dust"? It just seemed a bit out of place. "Like I’ve given up on caffeine" was really forced and a bit random with the rest of the content as well.
Recording: This sounds like a Mariah song  The lambs have been relentless in their Mariahisms this season. The final falsetto screeching was so unecessary I LOVED the rhythm and melody of the pre-chorus, I was jamming. The melody throughout this was just really solid, and the chorus was pretty catchy!
Overall: Well done.
7. Achilles. - Boys Will Be Boys
World (8thPrince)
I just want you to know that I do understand your "meltdown" and I didn't take it personally. I thank you for sending in a full submission!
Lyrics: Near-rhymes are your friend hunty. The perfect rhymes make this feel elementary. I liked the concept and some of the lyrics but I'm really over running this issue by you. The pre-chorus was a bit jarring since the language there was really royal and medieval while in the verses and chorus was really colloquial. The third and fourth verses felt unnecessary since they were essentially the same as the first two and didn't add anything to the narrative. I liked the bridge.
Recording: There really wasn't a melody to this, it was essentially sprechstimme which wasn't what we were looking for. In that way, this felt a bit half-assed (not necessarily in your effort, but in your imagination). I think you know this, though, and it's something you should continue to practice working on in order to get better.
Overall: This was missing a few key elements.
8. Moonchild - Summer Goes
Time Slip (8thPrince)
Lyrics: The Ocean Lips promo though, talent only! I loved the vibe of this, and for some reason, "You're bubblegum stuck on my lips". I only had minor issues with this: unfortunately you were a bit limited with rhymes for "slips" so you had to use "lips" twice which I wasn't a huge fan of, and the "Sandra Dee" rhyme was a bit odd. I didn' like how the bridge worked a whole except for the two seperate ideas in the couplet "The sunny sky falls in the sea / You say you'd sail the world with me".
Recording: You sang this like a Kylie Minogue song, not just the way she phrases things but you kinda sang this with a British accent ("tah-fy" became "taw-fy" for exmaple). The production sounds like a Kylie song though, so I think it was a smart play. The melody was definitely bland after a while since it carried through the verse and the chorus, but it was a cute melody.
Overall: Though this might be an OL rip-off, I loved it! Maybe my fave song of yours.
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