Hugamari - What a Beautiful Sight
You nailed Cancer in many aspects PERFECTLY here. I'm a Cancer so I can totally vouch for it, a huge part of Cancer is revolved around family and emotion, Cancers are very maternal and you absolutely embodied this completely. It screams Cancer to me, so you absolutely destroyed the challenge aim, which is wonderful. The song itself it beautiful and I adore the topic, having written about it myself too. I think it's a very precious and emotional topic and that shines through here in your entry to me, I feel a lot of sincerity here - it feels like you're writing about something that actually matters and has emotional value, rather than just an interesting concept you envisioned or are trying out. The slight reflection of a relationship with a mother to a relationship with a daughter was beautifully done. I just absolutely adore this entry and it choked me up a little thinking about it. It's so well executed and none of it feels forced to me, it's so natural and pure. A stellar job and well done to you.
Citrus - Washington
First off thanks for doing something more a little like this. I'm absolutely glad to see this and I have to say this is a huge step up for what I'm looking for. It's such a juxtaposition and I like that you are capable and have interest in both styles, but while your last entry was ******, this is THE ****. I love it, this is definitely a song about something meaningful and the story you shared is really quite beautiful. I knew from the first verse that I was going to love this, because it is absolutely killer. You had me hooked at the absolute beginning even with the second line, and you didn't fail me or let me down at any point in the entire song. The writing style is the same and as good as in your last entry, but this is the type of scenario I'd much rather read about (not that everything needs to be sad, you could write entries that are happy too, or even a little funny as well, but just not in that way again hopefully
). Despite the length of your lines, the melody is pretty easy for me to pick up on so it's definitely well written in that sense also. The only minor issues I had was that there were some slight inconsistencies in the way it flowed at certain points while I was reading it but it was nothing major that could've ruined the song, for the most part you have all of that down but in some lines there are some differences which did jump out to me but didn't take me out of the song, I checked them and the syllables are a little off from the rest so in the future the only note I'd insist on is that you could smooth that out a little bit. I do think the reference to Leo could be a little stronger, but I see where you were coming from so that's not a particularly significant issue for me either. The only other slight issue was that I didn't really understand the chorus line about rent and pages? I didn't really understand the connection between the two but those were minor issues.
Moonchild - Moonchild
Some slight issues with how your song flows, most notably in the verses. You definitely have a melody going on there but some syllable inconsistencies wreck it which is a shame. It's a minor thing but it's also very easy to fix. Literally change "The only place I call mine" to "The only place I can call mine"! That's not the only line but just an example. You can definitely iron it out and there will be no issues in that area. The chorus however goes perfectly so use that as a reference point. It is an interesting song. I don't think it's bad by any means, but maybe could use a little work. Remember that you have a short time for these entries. Sometimes songs take me months to finish and be completely happy with. The ideas are definitely there and you have a vision but it isn't perfectly executed for me. Some lines are really insightful and great to me, but others I think could be replaced, not really adding much or just having more potential there. The bridge is a little useless and could use expanding on. In general, it feels like a work in progress. Again, not a bad thing because I do like this entry, but you have more potential and places to go. If you'd like a line by line idea of what I think is good or can go, you can wall/pm/@ me in the thread as to avoid exposing your song in the review. I think individualistic and eccentric and the others are good words to describe this, so you worked well with the challenge I think. It's just almost like this song is in it's Metapod stage and it's waiting for it's Butterfree era.
Vision - Gone With the Breeze
This story is just so touching. You met the challenge perfectly. This song is beautiful, most particularly the chorus and the bridge. The wind ideas used were just stunning and the bridge one literally left me clutching for my pearls and falling to the floor. It would've been even more amazing to see those type of references throughout a little more, but in the same way it was really nice to just have that one because it made it feel even more significant of a line rather than *just another throwaway wind reference* which I guess it could've potentially came to be, so I'm not particularly mad about that, especially since the focus in the rest of the song was pretty much on the story aspect rather than the imagery and what not which was just as nice, but maybe keep the idea for future reference. I would like to point out the name reference was a little awkward and it did make me think of Evelyn from Big Brother (
) but luckily I was completely brought back into the song by the chorus afterwards. This was such a vulnerable and emotional entry, that was an absolute pleasure to read. I think you did a really great job.
CountryBritney - Constellation
Okay but first off the idea of a song called Constellation about astrology is genius in itself! The space imagery is really nicely used. I feel like space imagery can at times be corny, but you did it really elegantly here and I had no issues with it whatsoever. You met your buzzword ideas perfectly. I really enjoyed the song, but I felt it could've excelled a little more if it's nature was a slightly more poetic, as to match the really dreamy ideas and the cosmic imagery - the wording was a little down to earth, not bad, but I felt there was more room here to really go all out. The way your song flowed was really well for me though, the verses and the bridge were seamless especially and I picked up the melody there very well. It was a really lovely entry so well done!
