Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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14. UFO – Awakened (an earthquake, alveary)
Alveary is defined as something that takes the form of a beehive. You use a lot of repetition here, which I think is used to good effect. This is especially evident in the chorus, where you follow a standard format that really works with this in mind. You do a good job of showing us this wasteland after the earthquake, reminding us of the evergreens and the lush past. You use your words well and I think you used alveary just fine within this context.
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Yes, thank you!  I definitely wanted to use the concept of an "earthquake" to represent the emotions and realisation the person is going through. I didn't want to be cliché so I decided to write about the aftermath instead since I feel like that gets overlooked. "Awakened" somewhat links perfectly with my song last week which was about happiness and freedom. It sort of takes that and turns it into pained delusion and denial of what's right in front of you. The verses were already filled with a lot of imagery so I didn't want to overcomplicate things with the chorus. The impact wouldn't have been as effective.
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14. UFO – Awakened (an earthquake, alveary)
Usually you’re at the front and center of every season; starting fights, making big claims about your songs, and being at the tip of everyone’s tongue (impact). This season you’ve taken more of a low-key approach, and it’s showing in your songs as well. This is a silently beautiful song. There’s no huge punch or hook, and it still lacks the typical language we associate with you, but it works really well here. There’s absolutely no errors to be found here. There’s a perfect amount of repetition throughout the prechorus and chorus, and the subtle imagery throughout the verses is extremely effective. You used your word so naturally it didn’t even feel like part of the challenge. I’m ready for your next Nighthawks tbh.
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Thanks for the 8.5
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14. UFO – Awakened (an earthquake, alveary)
General: BITCH FOH W/ DANCE WITH THE DAFFODILS  Anyway, you had a great grasp of meter here, and you told your story nearly all through images, so the imagery is definitely there. I think the I've been awaked part was a bit monotonous, but I realize it was there because it was a key element to your song. Besides that, I do not have much to fault you on.
Challenge: It's fairly obvious that it's about an earthquake, but without being bluntly told so. I really appreciated that in your song. I also thought you used your word in a fairly natural way, so well done on that part!
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ffffff I don't even like daffodils, ugly ass sunflower-looking ****s 
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14. UFO – Awakened (an earthquake, alveary)
As a little aside, I love the word you had – it’s my new favourite word nn. Back to your song, your strongest suit – imagery – was used perfectly. Everything was meticulous, and it all had purpose, nothing was overdone or unnecessary. I love your chorus and it did a great job of incorporating your concept. But the best parts were the verses. That second verse was just perfect, especially with some unique lines and imagery like “dance with the daffodils”.
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Me too! It literally sounds like ear sex, I just can't believe it's from Minecraft 
Thank you!
I was hesitant to start using more imagery in my songs this season but I'm glad y'all liked it.
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14. UFO – Awakened (an earthquake, alveary)
I really loved this. In the past you’ve had a “problem” with including senseless imagery that might sound nice but doesn’t really serve a purpose, this song doesn’t have any of that. Even your reference to your song last round was done tastefully because it refers to the memories of better days and it ties in with the evergreen motif. You’ve maintained the central theme of the destructive earthquake quite well, using the language like “aftershock” and “trembling” which compliment that. Your repetitions are catchy and not overdone. You don’t appear to have any forced language and that’s wonderful.
As I’ve already touched on, you used your concept well. Taking a metaphorical approach was definitely the best approach in this challenge, I feel. Your usage of alveary was technically correct and it didn’t feel out of place at all because it fit with the nature theme but I personally took it as a clever analogy to say that the alveary was like a barrier between you and the pain the harmful bees could cause, yet after this “earthquake” the bees no longer stayed in their alveary and were able to inflict the pain. Not sure if that’s what you were going for, but that’s what I got, and I loved that.
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Yeah, that's sort of what I was going for with the "alveary" line! It was supposed to represent the world but it's interesting you interpreted it that way  Thank you for the kind comments and yay, I'm your #1 
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