[Temporal]

New Judge's Batch Two Reviews

Achilles - Full Time Mom
I see what you were going for here, but it just really fell flat and didn't work. A lot of this reads like a nursery rhyme, or a children's book. That would be great if the challenge was to write in those kind of themes, but it wasn't. Maybe a child could appreciate it, but I didn't. It is far too simple. I'm talking about the verses here (although the second one is much better than the first, with it actually having some kind of progression story wise), but most importantly the chorus, which is just undeniably awful. Have you read it? Not only were a lot of the lines overly simple and lacking, but they were also cringey (@ lines 4 and 5 of the chorus). The bridge, I don't know how to feel about it. It felt like you just randomly threw it all these scenarios about her life to kind of make the story go somewhere, but this just makes it as a whole lack any sort of focus. I could've appreciated this a lot more if you were telling a story that was a little more well thoughtout and focused. That said, I do see a lot of creativity here and I think if you take some criticism you could write a much better storytelling song than this. I felt like I could follow your meter in some points (lines 1 and 2 of the chorus, for example, set up the chorus for a perfect and tight rhythm), but in others it was very confusing (you then went on to switch up the meter in every other line of the chorus, making it disjointed. I would recommend working to a tighter meter because I find this odd. You do it in other sections of the song as well, so maybe pay more attention to this). Overall, I think you had a great concept in your mind, but it really just was not executed well, sadly. Hopefully you feel you've got good feedback that you can use for your future writing, and if you don't, you can pm or wall me for any questions you'd have.

Musickid203 - Black and Blue
On the whole, this kind of lays in the average zone for me. I think there are some great parts, but others felt a little uninspired and lacking. I find that you succeeded the most in the bridge, where you wrote some of the most thoughtful and compelling stuff from your entry. The lines here are definitely at a higher quality than some of the rest, so if you can I'd focus on the way your wrote the bridge rather than the rest of the song which was kind of standard and simple (the first verse for example). I, however, wouldn't try to replicate this bridge too much in your future writings because the meter is all over the place. Try to tighten it and have much less inconsistencies in the length of your lines. The second half of the second verse is odd, the references to an anchor, liquor and an extinguisher felt very random and unconnected to anything else in the whole song. They were obviously about the theme of an unhealthy relationship, but they weren't related enough to the rest of the song to not stick out in a bad way to me. I think this feels a little weak and average because it doesn't have a single focus point to really elevate the song. You had the theme of black and blue obviously, but I think you could've used it a lot more and really make your song feel a lot more whole and connected. You could've played with that idea more directly, I think this would've done better for me if you kept referring back to that idea rather than only in the chorus. You probably got a little carried away with painting the picture of the story. That said, I liked the way the story was used, rather than trying to tell many different parts of a progressive story in your song, you kept it in the similar area throughout with the person reflecting on their relationship, and despite this the sections of your song didn't feel overly similar, or like you were just constantly repeating yourself or saying the same thing just worded differently.

Feelslikeadream - Spaces
I love space, and I really wanted to look at the pictures of Jupiter, but I forgot so thanks for reminding me. A positive song, could it be? I was expecting this to be about, like, depressed space pirates murdering people or something, while also hating their job and wanting to not go to work . I really loved this entry, it left me the most refreshed after reading. I felt like you were actually conscious while writing this, and that perhaps others were not. Either way, I don't have much to offer yet at this point in terms of feedback seeing as this is the first entry I've seen form you and I had few problems with it, but what I would like to suggest is that tying yourself quite harshly to the theme of writing songs strictly about these ideas of "home" is very constricting and probably could get tiresome quickly. I feel like even after just this entry, I've had my fill of hearing about "home". Granted, you could come up with something even more thoughtful and insightful next week and have it be about "home", but I'd suggest that you should probably open yourself up to other ideas. And, if you want to keep to this "home" theme, you don't need to refer to it so directly, I think if you were just inspired by the idea and didn't refer to it in multiple ways throughout, then it probably would be helpful in not becoming tiresome. That said I thought this was a great entry and I'm going to look up pictures of Jupiter now. Thanks, dude!

TheCheetahwings - Dead By Dawn
I think this is an okay entry. Some of your ideas could've used expanding on. Throughout the song you repeat the insincerity line, but you never explain how or why you could feel this insincerity. It slightly feels like there is a missing piece, because it starts off quite sweet with the first three lines, and then suddenly everything is insincere and I'm not entirely sure why. Your imagery, though nicely used, was generic for the most part. Essentially, you took a hot list of imagery and referred to each one - water, the ocean, fire, the sky, sand, rain. If you want to effectively use imagery, you should focus only on one of these components for a whole song, rather than just using each one for a line, you should try to use a grand, overall theme of imagery throughout the song, which would work better. Your song shouldn't really be a buffet of different types of imagery. I mean, it could be if you want it to be, but that doesn't really show enough skill to warrant a higher score. That's probably my biggest point for you, I don't have much of a problem with many of your lines or sections, it's just the imagery was a bigger issue throughout. I do think you showed promise here though and hopefully with your feedback you can create a more concentrated entry for the next week.

Moonchild - Our Love's a Game
I love the genre Amy Winehouse, it's one of my favourites. I hope copying Amy doesn't become a trend like copying Florence, Taylor and Lana has been because she isn't really able to be imitated well. Amy has such a unique style and her references are very niche, and when people try to write a song like her they often don't realise this and fail to match either of those requirements for an Amy song. It's kind of like when people say they're gonna write a Lana song and then just talk about how they love their 'daddy' or something, like, that's just not what is it. I'm not here to talk about them though, I'm here to talk about you. In general, I like it. the two last sections of the first verse are really quite good, but then the chorus is kind of the opposite. In those parts, you came up with some pretty good punchlines, but then the chorus relied on typical stereotypes of an Amy song. I didnt really get anything from you there. Verse two, I think also lacked the initial spark I saw in those verse one lines. The bridge is really short so I have no problems with it, really. It's a fine tie up (eh? get it?) of the story, but nothing that really blew my mind or would make me compelled to give you a 10, you know? It's just there, and I kind of feel like that about a lot of this song. It's hard to really give you personalised feedback on this song, because I feel like the entry itself isn't personalised. With it being an Amy Winehouse imitation, I don't see much of you personally in here, so it leaves me without much to say. I do think you showed potential to me here, but you'll obviously not submit another song like this so I can't get a real good feel of you yet, but I hope you had fun writing it. It was good for what is was, but it'd be cool to see you next week and not poor Amy.

Dylobs - No Rice No Spice
Well I liked the outro and some random lines throughout actually showed a little bit of promise but this is quite clearly all over the place. I think you have a much better version of this song hidden inside of you because you had the right ideas but something odd just happened here. Some parts are very blunt and then others are written completely differently. The pool idea could've been so good but was just so poorly executed . If not sure if this was just a rushed or troll entry but I'm trying to at least offer some general advice that could be used by you. The concept is a hard one to write about and be taken seriously on. You'd probably be more in your comfort zone elsewhere. If you're going to write a song about this, you kind of can't make it so blunt or playful because it makes it come across as a joke.

[Temporal]

Totally leaked scores again while none of y'all were here

Hunty's score average was 5.3, a good point and some change below Jackson and I. Paula is DEAD.

[Jackson]

Woo these essays, lemme make some tea and start the fireplace

[Temporal]

Originally posted by Jackson

Woo these essays, lemme make some tea and start the fireplace

I'm trying to read now, let me see if these are available on Sparknotes yet.

[8thPrince]

low-key you guys would've been better off with a "Write a song for 8th's label (again)" challenge

[Moonchild]

In general, I like it.

I'll take it! Thank you, new judge. I get your comments. It's difficult to imitate Amy's style; there's a lot going on in her songs. I wasn't going so much for imitating her as incorporating my style with hers, but I'm glad you enjoyed it as a whole. I love Amy and the song was fun to write.

[MattyTacos]

woo my essays >

[MattyTacos]

Thanks, dude!

Okay, this judge is straight like Jackson wishes he could be. This narrows it down to 10 ATRLers, go solve who this is little Platinum Hitters

[Nait Phoenix]

Originally posted by MattyTacos

woo my essays >

Hey…!

[Achilles.]

The new judge being the only one to pick up on the fact that I didn't even THINK about meter while writing this song.

I didn't last week either, and nobody commented on it. Hunter even said it read "like an actual song."

[Temporal]

Originally posted by MattyTacos

Okay, this judge is straight like Jackson wishes he could be. This narrows it down to 10 ATRLers, go solve who this is little Platinum Hitters

Let me start writing the next challenge

[TheCheetahwings]

The essays I wonder who the judge is Happy my review seemed to be at least mixed, so I hopefully will be safe

[Jackson]

Longing to fill
Distance between
Sneak through the back so your parents won't see
Tell you a story
Of places we'll be
My second home when your heart's far from me

I wrote a song for your EP fefe

[Moonchild]

There are three leading candidates for the new judge: Element, pears and lovesong. The tone reminds me of pears, tbh. However, in my critique, the new judge said "you'll obviously not submit another song like this so I can't get a real good feel of you yet." Lovesong judged me last season, so he knows how I write. Pears and I sent each other songs via PM, so he already has a feel for my style. I don't recall showing Element any of my songs, so he's the only one who wouldn't have a "good feel" of me.

Therefore, I think the new judge is Element.

[Temporal]

Some interesting things happening with scores and results this week

8th's reviews on the next page.

[Moonchild]

Perched.

[MattyTacos]

Originally posted by Temporal

Some interesting things happening with scores and results this week

8th's reviews on the next page.

Always dead last even with the new judge.

[Temporal]

8th's score average was 5

[Moonchild]

When Jackson says he's masc but he bought Dangerous Woman.

[Jackson]

Originally posted by Moonchild

When Jackson says he's masc but he bought Dangerous Woman.

Yes! First non-Katy pop album I've ever purchased. A true revelation