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Discussion: ATRL Songwriter's Thread | Jacktrus gain dual #1
Member Since: 2/16/2010
Posts: 69,775
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Please tell me what you like/don't like & tell me which song you prefer!
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Well, other than some awkward & unnatural phrasing in both songs, I really liked the idea of "Until It Works". It's very universal and relatable. "Penthouse" seems like a pop song trying to be a rap song... if you get what I mean...
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 15,562
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Was playing with Gladiator(vst) today and fount the opening synth in "Baby I"
I wonder who's idea it was to use that lol I always go right pass it.
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Member Since: 3/25/2012
Posts: 5,390
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is this thread still alive?? Please don't die
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Member Since: 6/2/2010
Posts: 4,444
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Quote:
Originally posted by MusicTalker
PENTHOUSE
VERSE I
Live large, but we high on money
And we know it
Play God, but the skies'll love me
And we toastin
Play hard, but we made it large
And we know it
Good god, we just raised the bar
And we toastin
HOOK I
Got a lifestyle of expenses
And we live like we're expensive
Gave the cruel world a good lesson
Still a game, it's progression
Live on top, it's a blessin
Send the world a new message
I'm not here to be messed with
We live here to make messes
CHORUS
Get a little high on life
Like we live up highrise
I'll take you to the skies
Just know this live ya prize
I see ya wandering eyes
I do the same sometimes
Let's make it you & I
Caught in these penthouse lies
VERSE II
Cigars, smoke away our pain
And we love it
God knows, live like we're insane
Can't be trusted
You are the lies, I am the games
And we love it
Lies strengthen the penthouse chains
Can't be trusted
HOOK II
Lifestyle without senses
Up in air, foggy lenses
Cover up where my hand is
Hand in flames, burnin chances
That we had, you still dancin
Nights away, with the gamblin
Penthouse down, house is shamblin
We went down, now we're caved in
CHORUS
Get a little high on life
Like we live up highrise
I'll take you to the skies
Just know this life ya prize
I see ya wandering eyes
I do the same sometimes
Let's make it you & I
Caught in these penthouse lies
BRIDGE
Life is just a penthouse party
Live like all the world is watching
Live like all the world has taught me
I'd dance with you, but oh, you lost me
Life is just a penthouse party
Live like my penthouse has bought me
All these things will deadly cost me
It ruined us, but oh, it can't be
CHORUS x2
Get a little high on life
Like we live up highrise
I'll take you to the skies
Just know this life ya prize
I see ya wandering eyes
I do the same sometimes
Let's make it you & I
Caught in these penthouse lies |
Love this one! 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 14,988
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GIRL IN THE WILLOW TREES
CHORUS
Searching for the girl in the willow trees
The one with the old red boots
Didn't know when you stranded me
I'm lost and I got no clue
Now I'm Living Living Living
under daylight
going round and round
diggin digging digging
for the old times
'Cause I'm searching
for the girl in the willow trees
FIRST VERSE
On a lonely night
as the storms rose from the shore
I spied a girl
hiding in a rabbit hole
moonlight never touched her
but she burned bright like an emerald stone
young, dark and lost
with a burn inside her soul
PRE-CHORUS
but as the angels called out to me,
now I'm...
CHORUS
Searching for the girl in the willow trees
The one with the old red boots
Didn't know when you stranded me
I'm lost and I got no clue
Now I'm Living Living Living
under daylight
going round and round
diggin digging digging
for the old times
And I'm searching
for the girl in the willow trees
VERSE 2
Down the long black road,
I look up at the stars
just like daddy once told
you can see them, wherever you are
everytime you're feeling, like the world gets too far
you can pray above for the light
and hold your hand to your heart
But I hear the whispers left behind
the ones about a girl
the one with dreams for eyes
the one who never learned.
CHORUS
Searching for the girl in the willow trees
The one with the old red boots
Didn't know when you stranded me
I'm lost and I got no clue
even though I'm living living living
under daylight
the shadow lives
and I'm digging digging digging
for the old time
and I'm searching, for the girl in the willow trees.
BRIDGE
Little one, I heard, open your eyes
Cuz the world never waits
for the little ones that hide
Hey you, I heard, open your eyes
cuz the world never loves
the ones who fail to rise
PRE-CHORUS
The same old tune, to the lullaby,
that I heard
When I was ..
CHORUS
Searching for the girl in the willow trees
The one with the old red boots
Didn't know when you stranded me
I'm lost and I got no clue
even though I'm living living living
under daylight
the shadow lives
and I'm digging digging digging
for the old time
and I'm searching, for the girl in the willow trees.
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Member Since: 6/10/2009
Posts: 6,321
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Quote:
Originally posted by Eglė
GIRL IN THE WILLOW TREES
CHORUS
Searching for the girl in the willow trees
The one with the old red boots
Didn't know when you stranded me
I'm lost and I got no clue
Now I'm Living Living Living
under daylight
going round and round
diggin digging digging
for the old times
'Cause I'm searching
for the girl in the willow trees
FIRST VERSE
On a lonely night
as the storms rose from the shore
I spied a girl
hiding in a rabbit hole
moonlight never touched her
but she burned bright like an emerald stone
young, dark and lost
with a burn inside her soul
PRE-CHORUS
but as the angels called out to me,
now I'm...
CHORUS
Searching for the girl in the willow trees
The one with the old red boots
Didn't know when you stranded me
I'm lost and I got no clue
Now I'm Living Living Living
under daylight
going round and round
diggin digging digging
for the old times
And I'm searching
for the girl in the willow trees
VERSE 2
Down the long black road,
I look up at the stars
just like daddy once told
you can see them, wherever you are
everytime you're feeling, like the world gets too far
you can pray above for the light
and hold your hand to your heart
But I hear the whispers left behind
the ones about a girl
the one with dreams for eyes
the one who never learned.
CHORUS
Searching for the girl in the willow trees
The one with the old red boots
Didn't know when you stranded me
I'm lost and I got no clue
even though I'm living living living
under daylight
the shadow lives
and I'm digging digging digging
for the old time
and I'm searching, for the girl in the willow trees.
BRIDGE
Little one, I heard, open your eyes
Cuz the world never waits
for the little ones that hide
Hey you, I heard, open your eyes
cuz the world never loves
the ones who fail to rise
PRE-CHORUS
The same old tune, to the lullaby,
that I heard
When I was ..
CHORUS
Searching for the girl in the willow trees
The one with the old red boots
Didn't know when you stranded me
I'm lost and I got no clue
even though I'm living living living
under daylight
the shadow lives
and I'm digging digging digging
for the old time
and I'm searching, for the girl in the willow trees.
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Nice! How do you think the song would sound? I could see it being either a sort of goth pop or folk song.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 14,988
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Quote:
Originally posted by sticks
Nice! How do you think the song would sound? I could see it being either a sort of goth pop or folk song.
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I think it'd sound amazingly as indie pop, folk-isk genre, but goth pop would be good too, something like Charli XCX vibe.
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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VAPORWARE
First Verse:
What is a promise anymore to you?
Making up stories you believe are true
But what you take from me you can’t undo
A life without some proof
Pre-Chorus:
What is the big deal? What’s going on?
Nobody should be holding me back
Why can’t you reveal what’s going on?
Tell me how we got so off-track
Hook:
How can you say you are something when all you tell me is lies?
How can you say there is nothing that will materialize?
Second Verse:
Rumors are beginning to circulate
Got to move past them before it’s too late
Wanna be stronger still, but at this rate
I’m in no kind of state
Pre-Chorus:
What is the big deal? What’s going on?
Nobody should be holding me back
Why can’t you reveal what’s going on?
Tell me how we got so off-track
[INSTRUMENTAL]
Hook:
How can you say you are something when all you tell me is lies?
How can you say there is nothing that will materialize?
How can you say you are something when all you tell me is lies?
How can you say there is nothing that will materialize?
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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So, I can give feedback to y'all, but you won't give me the same courtesy...? I think I'm just gonna let this thread go...
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 1,038
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Hi everyone!  I am currently in the process of writing two songs simultaneously.. one sad song and one feel-good/happy song .. I've got the lyrics down.. but I can't seem to find the right chord progressions .. can someone suggest some chord progressions that have a dark twist in it please ?
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by HowToLove
Hi everyone! I am currently in the process of writing two songs simultaneously.. one sad song and one feel-good/happy song .. I've got the lyrics down.. but I can't seem to find the right chord progressions .. can someone suggest some chord progressions that have a dark twist in it please ? |
What keys are they in?
Okay, regardless of key... a I - IV - viiš - iii - vi - ii - V - i is a key choice for a twist in musicality.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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So, this place hasn't been bumped in a while, but I have exciting news!
Season 3 of Platinum Hit will be starting soon, now that Adam is back!  We will be holding sign ups here, and anyone who signs up will be notified of when the game officially begins.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/1/2012
Posts: 15,668
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Quote:
Originally posted by atrlster
I make music. I don't do lyrics though lol.
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This. I rarely do lyrics, too self-conscious 
--------
Lyricwriters/singers
If you wanna work with a producer hmu 
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Member Since: 3/14/2013
Posts: 37,294
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
So, this place hasn't been bumped in a while, but I have exciting news!
Season 3 of Platinum Hit will be starting soon, now that Adam is back! We will be holding sign ups here, and anyone who signs up will be notified of when the game officially begins. |
 Add me to that list
Excited . I May post some lyrics that I did for CAL Here
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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1. e437
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
etc...
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by e437
Add me to that list
Excited . I May post some lyrics that I did for CAL Here |
Alright, adding you to the list.
1. e437
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
(add as needed)
Also, for those who may be interested, but are not sure what Platinum Hit is, it is a songwriting competition where you are given an assignment to write about each week. Judges will then go over the songs submitted and judge them on a scale of 1-10, 1 being worst, 10 being best. The person with the lowest score in the round will be eliminated.
That's a basic run-through, I may post a link to past seasons for those interested later on.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/1/2012
Posts: 15,668
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
So, this place hasn't been bumped in a while, but I have exciting news!
Season 3 of Platinum Hit will be starting soon, now that Adam is back! We will be holding sign ups here, and anyone who signs up will be notified of when the game officially begins. |
What is Platinum Hit?
EDIT: ninja'd
EDIT 2: I might consider joining
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Member Since: 3/14/2013
Posts: 37,294
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Vintage Lover (wrote for CAL)
Do you remember
How you used to love me
In that old school way?
You
You did not care about
What they said
They thought
That you were wrong
For me
But I always thought
That you were the right one
No...
Don't ever give up on me
No matter what they say
You are
My vintage lover
After all
And no...
I don't care
If they say you're wrong
You are right to me
My vintage loveeeeeeer
You
Gave me flowers every day
Told me that I am your beauty every day
You always thought you were the beast
Because they made you feel like that
You
You drove me to school with your '60s car
They always criticized you
For everything that you had
And did not had
My little nerdy lover
No...
Don't ever give up on me
No matter what they say
You are
My vintage lover
After all
And no...
I don't care
If they say you're wrong
You are right to me
My vintage loveeeeeeer
You are
You always fought for me
You always cared about me
You
Are
The
Right
One
No...
Don't ever give up on me
No matter what they say
You are
My vintage lover
After all
And no...
I don't care
If they say you're wrong
You are right to me
My vintage loveeeeeeer
No...
Don't ever give up on me
No matter what they say
You are
My vintage lover
After all
And no...
I don't care
If they say you're wrong
You are right to me
My vintage loveeeeeeer
I thought to give you a bit of my work so you could judge me 
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