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Discussion: Self Hate within the Gay Community :biblio:
Member Since: 7/9/2010
Posts: 31,471
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lady Claire
Y'all can have your preferences. But y'all just can't act like being a fem gay is something inferior.
When ppl say things like that, posted on this thread, it's basically wrong and there's literally NOTHING to justify this.
Just like when people say "no blacks, no asians, no latinos"... some will call this as a "preference" but it's basically racism under our noses.
When you basically limit yourself and exclude a certain community, you are damn wrong.
For example, i have my preferences too. I like older men. I like bears too. But what if i met a 20-year old twink who makes me feel good? I'll say no to him just because i have a preference for another type? Pff.
It's ugly hide prejudice under the pretext of preference. Both are different things.
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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There is a LOT of defense coming from those who it shouldn't even be directed at. hmmm.
I think it's silly to outright dismiss that the community has a internalized homophobia problem not when the term bottom is being used as a insult. Like it or not guys on the more feminine side are seen as inferior by some of us this is just a fact.
How long are you going to pretend everything is cool and it's just simply preference when it's deeper than that?.
You can't hold on to that excuse forever to absolve the community of its problems.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 3,035
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Quote:
Originally posted by Reverie
I'm a fem guy and I get offended if someone says he's not into me because of that
Thank you, really
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well you need to get your confidence checked in that case.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 7,228
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People who are saying why do we care if were not fem is just . Same reason white fight for black rights and straights fight for LGBT rights. We need some damn equality in this community an putting down fems or whatever and then stating it a a preference is just
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Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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masc4masc only
But let me break it down:
Wanting a masculine man isn't self-hate (girls look for masculinity in men all the time...do they hate themselves?)
Denigrating "femmes", on the other hand, is self-hate. Because you're most likely uncomfortable with their association to you under the label of gay. You can be gay and be masculine, you can be gay and be feminine, and everywhere in between. But you show your insecurity when it's only femininity in men that you have a problem with.
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Banned
Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 1,352
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Quote:
Originally posted by Notorious MINAJ
People who are saying why do we care if were not fem is just . Same reason white fight for black rights and straights fight for LGBT rights. We need some damn equality in this community an putting down fems or whatever and then stating it a a preference is just
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BYE FELICIA!!!
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 7,228
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Quote:
Originally posted by xtina10
BYE FELICIA!!!
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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Quote:
Originally posted by Notorious MINAJ
People who are saying why do we care if were not fem is just . Same reason white fight for black rights and straights fight for LGBT rights. We need some damn equality in this community an putting down fems or whatever and then stating it a a preference is just
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They throw that word around like confetti, as if it's the magical answer for any problem that arises.
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Member Since: 3/25/2012
Posts: 10,673
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I'm definitely not a self-hating gay, but many of us like "straight-acting" gays because they're usually more masculine. Most gays are attracted to masculinity, which is why "masc" is even a thing. Of course that doesn't mean you have to put down feminine gays in the process though. That's self-hate. Wanting a masculine man because you're sexually attracted to masculinity isn't [always] self-hate.
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Member Since: 2/17/2012
Posts: 33,611
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Quote:
Originally posted by cloudinthesky
I'm definitely not a self-hating gay, but many of us like "straight-acting" gays because they're usually more masculine. Most gays are attracted to masculinity, which is why "masc" is even a thing. Of course that doesn't mean you have to put down feminine gays in the process though.
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Not even true.
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Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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Preferences do exist and just like anything else, no one should be made to feel shameful for liking/disliking something. We're all different.
The reason you see "no femmes, no blacks, no rice, no spice" or w/e on Grindr is cause it's essentially a McDonald's of dating. You list what you like/don't like right away. People aren't actually like that in real life. It's a consequence of the format.
If anything needs to change, it's probably the way people present their preference (i.e. negatively vs positively), but you can't actually change someone's preference just by willing it with words. That comes from their real world experience.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 2/5/2014
Posts: 1,808
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sunshine.
Preferences do exist and just like anything else, no one should be made to feel shameful for liking/disliking something. We're all different.
The reason you see "no femmes, no blacks, no rice, no spice" or w/e on Grindr is cause it's essentially a McDonald's of dating. You list what you like/don't like right away. People aren't actually like that in real life. It's a consequence of the format.
If anything needs to change, it's probably the way people present their preference (i.e. negatively vs positively), but you can't actually change someone's preference just by willing it with words. That comes from their real world experience.
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Let's not ok?
Dismissing an entire race of people based on the very small subsection of that ethnicity you've met is racist, and hiding behind it as a preference is wrong.
I could go into more depth, but I'm just gonna link this site, where posters have done a much better job explaining the reasoning behind this than I ever could:
http://forum.popjustice.com/threads/...-racist.57592/
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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The issue here is there are people who actually have a preference and doesn't use it to demean others and those who is influenced by self hate/stereotypes where the problem lies.
There is a fine line and saying no rice or spice is racist sorry but that's even worse than saying no blacks.
McDonald's of dating or not that's not needed or warranted to express your tastes in that way.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 7,228
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Quote:
Originally posted by I Am Music
The issue here is there are people who actually have a preference and doesn't use it to demean others and those who is influenced by self hate/stereotypes where the problem lies.
There is a fine line and saying no rice or spice is racist sorry but that's even worse than saying no blacks.
McDonald's of dating or not that's not needed or warranted to express your tastes in that way.
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!!!
That my whole issue with this if you want to date masc thats fine do you. But don't sit here and shame fem people and make them feel inferior calling them bitches and what not.
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Member Since: 2/17/2012
Posts: 33,611
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He wasn't defending it, he was just saying grindr shows the WORST, but it's a problem that already exists in other avenues.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 262
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fem gays are disgusting creatures
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Banned
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 4,477
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Who would've known, the wind and the sunshine
Would oh baby, baby
Build up these walls of mine
And I can't see you or breathe you
Cause there's trouble right beneath you
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Who would've known, the storm of my past time
Would oh baby, make me
Losing the song of the eye
And I can't believe you or read you
Cause there's pleasure in your preview
It's all in your eyes
But oh Mr. DJ, baby
Can you meet me outside
You're an old school dude
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The way you spend those tunes
I'm nothing but a sandcastle
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Baby I know, you do that to all the girls
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Baby I know, you do that to all the girls
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Ooh, and just like the ocean
Lays right there behind me
Look over my sandcastle
And there's a sight to see
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Ooh baby I know, you do that to all the girls
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Baby I know, you do that to all the girls
You know that I'm fragile, oh
Bay ba ba ba baby, please don't blow me away
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Member Since: 4/22/2012
Posts: 10,242
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It's called a preference lol. Me and my BF both act straight, you could hardly tell we were gay. We both agree if we wanted someone who's Fem and wears dresses we would be better off with a girl.
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Member Since: 8/6/2012
Posts: 20,242
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Quote:
Originally posted by madonnas
He wasn't defending it, he was just saying grindr shows the WORST, but it's a problem that already exists in other avenues.
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Ah, sorry Sunshine.
I think you can easily express your likes and dislikes without resorting to terms like that.
I think it shows a certain type of character to say something like that.
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Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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Quote:
Originally posted by Team_Avatar
Let's not ok?
Dismissing an entire race of people based on the very small subsection of that ethnicity you've met is racist, and hiding behind it as a preference is wrong.
I could go into more depth, but I'm just gonna link this site, where posters have done a much better job explaining the reasoning behind this than I ever could:
http://forum.popjustice.com/threads/...-racist.57592/
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I just read some of the thread. See my argument was that it's a consequence of the app/fast dating format underlined with subtle racism (i.e. positive preference for a race expressed negatively). But someone brought up a good point about how all race preferences are based on stark stereotypes. So maybe my argument falls flat there.
"Black is such an obtuse word to describe what you are and aren't into because the people who fall under the racial category of black are some of the most diverse in the world."
And I guess the same applies to "latinos" and "asian" and "femmes". There's such a gradient of people that it is kind of ridiculous to keep reducing everyone's identity to this box or that. Even "masc" men could have muscles and lisp, yet like football and do drag on the side. So what does "masc" even mean then?
Hmm. Interesting.
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